Monday, October 06, 2008

TRANSCENDING THE MISERY OF "FAILED RELATIONSHIPS"

Table of Contents

Today's Considerations
Recent Posts and Archives
Tools for Realization
Author's eBooks
Author's Paperback Books
Free eBooks
An Advaita Vedanta philosophy site, focusing on Realization, enlightenment, nisarga yoga, non-duality / nonduality, your original nature, dwelling as your natural state, and the teachings of Maharaj.

FROM A SITE VISITOR: I’ve done a lot of searching through your writings about relationship problems and personas and all that. I’ve tried to detach. So why can’t I get over the fact that my ex-husband is with another woman while I’m alone trying to raise two children. I was faithful—he had an affair and left. I’m miserable and I’m jealous and I don’t want to be. Anonymous. PS Should I sign up for the one-on-one sessions with you?

F.: Hello Anonymous. First, understand that this relative circumstance you describe is understandably miserable at this point. Understand, too, that the misery and suffering can come to an end.

You are also invited to see that, at some point, an ability to separate from the various roles that are currently engaged—including “The Ex-Wife,” “The Single Mom,” “The Wronged Person,” “The Lonely Woman,” “The Overwhelmed, Overworked Single Parent” and many others—can provide respite.

That point, however, is not now. Further, at this stage, a one-on-one Advaita session is not the first step that you need to take; instead, I’d suggest that you spend time with an effective, professional counselor who might be able to guide you through the processing of these events and the associated suffering.

But for the jealousy, know that to suffer the pleasure of others is foolish to the degree that whatever gives persons pleasure will eventually give them misery and that whatever gives them the most pleasure will eventually give them the most misery.

If you disagree, look back to earlier times with this same man that you were married to. Your relationship with him must have surely had its moments of pleasure. It also must have surely had its moments of tremendous pleasure. But then came misery, and now has come tremendous misery.

The pleasure-to-misery gamut can apply to the enjoyment of sugar which can give way to diabetes; to substances used to cope but which eventually turn and remove all ability to cope; and to relationships which run the continuum from stranger to acquaintance to friend to lover to fiancé/fiancée to spouse to a source of pleasure to a source of disgust to a source of misery to an enemy and to a mortal enemy.

Such is the toll of attachment, of dependence, and of all of the other elements that mark most relationships that almost always have nothing whatsoever to do with “Real Love.” That pleasure-to-misery continuum shall also be the fate of whoever you’ve feeling jealous of, so wherefore this suffering the pleasure (and misery) of others?

At this point, you are not trapped in the games and the drama and the histrionics that are generated by the role-playing that goes on in the various stages of that continuum. The persons of whom you are jealous? They are, so honestly, wherefore jealousy?

There are many Advaita pointers that could be applied here, but instead, let it be said that your misery is felt, that the relative magnitude of the challenges that you are facing are understood, and that there is no effort to minimize the suffering you are currently experiencing; yet, professional assistance is available if you seek it out. For now, the suggestion is that you seek that assistance and not the Advaita understanding.

Finally, an effective counselor can help guide you not only through the psychological processing required to move beyond where you currently are but also to a recognition of the thinking and beliefs that got you into the situation in the first place. The latter can prove to be very Advaita-like in its revelations.

Remember, when relationships fail, people ask "What happened?" and the answer always focuses on events that happened at the end of the relationship. If you would truly understand and avoid a repetition of the same scenario again, then understand what happened at the beginning. The "mistakes" were not at the end; they were at the beginning.

Why? Because "love" is not blind; instead, it is color-blind: it cannot see red flags, no matter how vigorously they are being waved.

Best regards to you as you seek the answers to your current questions and as you find the other questions that must be asked and answered if you would be truly free and happy. Please visit the site again at some point, hopefully after you’ve processed what must be processed for now with able counsel. After that, Advaita pointers can be discussed. Please enter the silence of contemplation.

TWO OFFERINGS ARE AVAILABLE:

More and more seekers are requesting an understanding of how a personality formed in childhood is still determining and controlling everything that is thought or said or done in adulthood. Others have inquired about an opportunity to speak one-on-one about the seven-step “path” to Realization.

Thus, two opportunities are being offered from now until Dec 15th at 50% off:

PERSONALITY TYPING:

Here’s what is included in the package that is available for the next two months (the service available to international visitors but these price being only for the Continental U.S.):

A copy of the personality test (B) Priority mailing of the test (C) Analysis of the test results (D) A one-hour telephone session to discuss the results (E) the cost of the telephone conference. Cost is US$95.

ONE-ON-ONE SATSANG VIA TELE-CONFERENCE

For the next two months, a tele-conference to discuss any aspects of the Advaita teachings one-on-one will be offered. [Rich from the U.K. completed this package last week and was able to make a low-rate international call from his home in the U.K. to the office here in the U.S. for his conference.] The cost covers the income that cannot be earned as a result of being unavailable for regular retainer contract income during your conference time.] Cost is US$75.

To arrange either package, visit http://floydhenderson.com/order.htm, provide all of the information requested, and in the message box at the bottom, indicate that you want to make arrangements for the PERSONALITY TYPING or for the ONE-ON-ONE ADVAITA SESSION or both.

Recent Posts and Archives

Tools Used by Other Seekers of Realization

WATCHING an Advaita Vedanta Retreat: Watch a Downloadable computer file version of the Four-Day Advaita Retreat (Downloadable on PC only, not Apple.)

ENROLLING in the Online Advaita Classes For information, visit Information on the Advaita Classes on the Internet To enroll visit Enroll in the Advaita Internet Course

ATTENDING an Advaitin retreat with Floyd and being guided through all seven steps. For details of the retreats offered, please visit the retreat information site.

ARRANGING a one-hour session via Skype or telephone with Floyd. (Skype is a free service.) Click the button to pay and you will be contacted to arrange a date and time for the call.

Five Free eBooks

Compliments of Andy Gugar, Jr.,
the following eBooks are available without charge for you or for friends:

I.
"GOOD vs. EVIL?" or "IGNORANCE, STUPIDITY, and INSANITY?"

The content of this eBook deals with one of the most common but erroneous beliefs that the non-Realized masses cling to and which they will fight about (and even kill over), namely, that there is a planet-wide duel going on between “the forces of good and evil” in the universe.

Either (1) the ancient view is spot on: that the "ills of the planet" are rooted in evil people, in people not being religious enough or spiritual enough, and are caused solely by bad morality; or, (2) the "ills of the planet" are rooted in ignorance, stupidity and insanity and "being good" or "being moral" does not put an end to ignorance, does not eliminate stupidity, and does not treat insanity in any way.

II.
"THE VISION"

Comments regarding the free eBook entitled “THE VISION”:

“My thanks to you and Andy.” – Andrew “Mac” McMaster

“Thanks so much for the book! And, by the way, it is brilliant and the most effective pointing that you have done. It has served to help clear the remaining blockages.” – Stan Cross

“Greatly appreciate having “THE VISION” added to my Henderson resource library that is situated on the right side of my bed for easy access! Eternally grateful for what was received and what was given.” – Robert Rigby

“‘THE VISION’ is such a well-written, condensed version of the Nisarga Yoga approach to understanding and enjoying Reality that I feel it can serve as a must-read ‘meditation guide’ for all earnest seekers.” – Andy Gugar, Jr.

III.
"Sapolsky, Maharaj, and the Non-Dual Teachings"

Dr. Robert Maurice Sapolsky is an American neuroendocrinologist; a professor of biology, neuroscience, and neurosurgery at Stanford University; a researcher; an author; and a Research Associate at the National Museums of Kenya.

There is much that a non-dualist or Advaitin or Nisargan can relate to by comparing and contrasting what Sapolsky reveals about the way certain troops of baboons live in Africa with the way that humans abide all around the globe.

This 152-page eBook catalogues the common, non-dual message shared by Sapolsky and Maharaj and reveals the ways that Sapolsky’s scientific research supports the non-dual pointers offered by Maharaj.

IV.
Seeking

In “PART ONE” it will be seen that most persons on the planet are not seeking, and most will never seek, but for those who are seeking, most will face several obstacles:

In “PART TWO” of this book, it will be seen why many criticized Maharaj for “changing his message in his later talks.” It will be seen that the changes were not about changing the message per se as much as about changing his methodology as he experimented with one version of the Ultimate Medicine after another in order to try to find an effective means for addressing the Ultimate Sickness.

He tried a religious version of the Medicine, a Spiritual version of the Medicine, and finally settled on a version which addressed to Sickness at its core . . . at the mental and emotional level.

V.
"THE MOST DANGEROUS BELIEF OF ALL"

“Dangerous” is a term that can only apply during the relative existence, but of those who do commit suicide, for example, how many shoot themselves in the foot over and over until they “bleed out”? None. They shoot themselves in the head. Why? In order to try to stop the noise - to try to stop the chatter of a thousand monkeys – to stop the noisy mind which is the area that stores the ideas, notions, concepts, mind-stuff, etc. which drives them into the depths of insanity.

And what are those ideas, notions, concepts, etc. called, collectively? "Their beliefs." The irony? They are not their beliefs at all. They are the beliefs of “others” that were set in place via programming, conditioning, etc. and which persons then think are their own.

And what are those beliefs rooted in, and what reinforces those beliefs and convinces persons that they are sacred and worth fighting over and even sometimes worth dying for? Blind faith.

This 337-page eBook discusses those issues in detail.

To read any or all of the free eBooks, please double-click the "FREEBIES" link at the top of this page