F.: Yesterday it was shared that approximately 157,500,000,000,000 words are spoken on a daily basis around the globe. That is one-hundred-and-fifty-seven trillion, five-hundred billion words spoken daily, on average. And any objective appraisal of all of that conversing would reveal that the use of 157,500,000,000,000 words every day amounts to far too much talking ... to far too much abuse of the ability to speak.
Recall from the first post in this series that "dignity" is defined as "a composed manner or style" and that "composed" is defined as "calm" or "tranquil" or "serene." While the invitation here is to allow the relative existence to happen with the dignity that Maharaj endorsed, there is no delusion here.
Most persons do not want to abide in "a composed style"; most do not want to abide in a "calm" or "tranquil" or "serene" manner. Most are addicted to chaos or to control (and their efforts to control just generate more chaos).
The Realized writer Henry David Thoreau spoke of the fact that most people live lives of "quiet desperation" and then "go to the grave with the song still in them."
Nowadays, the desperation is no longer quiet. It is, to the contrary, quite loud. Note that there can be no dignity other than "quiet dignity." If your existence is to unfold with dignity, that is, with composure and calmness and tranquility and serenity, then that requires periods of quietness and silence. It also requires restraint in the use of words.
There is no such thing as "noisy dignity," "noisy composure," "noisy calmness," "noisy tranquility," or "noisy serenity." Consider the duality revealed by the fact that most cultures abhor the silence even as their expressions give lip service to quietness:
For example, you might hear an endorsement of quietness on one hand, as in: "He met her in the bar, and they found a quiet corner where they could talk" - not a "noisy corner where they could talk." Yet on the other hand, one hears statements like these even more frequently:
"You're very quiet, Dear - is anything the matter?" and "You're not saying much - what's wrong?" In many cultures, if one is quiet it is taken as a sign that something is "wrong." Or consider these types of statements that send the same perverted message which suggests that "being silent" = "wrong":
"She is a very strange, quiet girl" or "he's not a very sociable person." Those are the kinds of conclusions that are drawn about any who do not join in the gossiping, who do not participate in the "small talk," and who do not seek out venues or meetings where they have a captive audience that is forced to listen to their talking ... and talking ... and talking.
Furthermore, persons might say, "I'd love to go on holiday somewhere where it's nice and quiet," making it clear that they have no intention of doing their part to keep things "nice and quiet" right where they already are.
If one really wants to be free of the noise of the madding crowd, then the first way to do that is for one to stop his or her own talking. Persons are never with "others" 24 / 7. They are only with themselves 24 / 7. Most of the talk that persons hear is their own talk.
But that will not likely change. The invitation to be quiet, to talk less and to pass more time in the silence, is itself characterized as "crazy talk" by most persons.
Some are driven to talk, including those with the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Personality Type Two's are driven to talk, wanting to impress others and inspire others to "love" them and give them the love they missed out on during their childhood.
Type Four's who disintegrate to Type Two are the same. And then there are the Type Threes who are driven to have an audience, seeking not love but actually seeking instead adulation and praise and applause from large audiences; in fact, they believe that they must have an audience and hate being alone except for brief periods.
If they are not before a large audience, then they are accompanied by an entourage. As in a well-known credit card ad, their attitude about an entourage of followers is "don't leave home without it."
Also driven by their own narcissism, Type Threes love to speak before crowds, love to sing before crowds, love to perform before crowds. Because the ego hates the silence, Threes join in with Twos and psychically unhealthy Fours and become very talkative and very noisy.
There are others who cannot stay in the silence but must talk, including:
** those who would manipulate others
** those who would control others
** those who talk to assure that they will be the center of attention, will be the one in the spotlight.
One man who is a Three is said by some to be "a charming and entertaining raconteur." In fact, he is neither charming nor entertaining, but he is a master at getting the attention of everyone in any group in his presence by telling tall tales and long stories that usually run about twenty minutes in length. That practice, of course, keeps him in the spotlight for twenty minutes at a time.
Want your existence to be "nice and quiet"? Then try being quiet more often. No one can "disturb your peace" more than you do. And that is a result of what Maharaj called "the inner." Disturbances do not manifest nearly as often from "the outer" as from "the inner."
One might hear a voice that is disturbing - nagging, criticizing, judging - but the time spent hearing that voice is minimal when compared to the ceaseless noise that originates between one's own ears. That noise can be like the chatter of a thousand monkeys, and it is spawned in one's own fiction-filled "mind."
In "relationships," effective but efficient communication (with less talk for the sake of talking) can also insure more peace and less dissemination of dualistic ideas and concepts and beliefs.
It can also provide the opportunity for both parties to bring an element of quiet dignity to the relationship and to help insure that the association is marked by calmness and tranquility and serenity.
But talking in relationships, to the contrary, can provide the chance to "disturb the peace," to try to alter, to try to "fix," to point out a partner's faults that need to be addressed.
In the printable book "Casting Light on the Dark Side of Relationships", also available in a less costly, non-printable version thorough Amazon, the problems that impede the development of healthy relationships are discussed, along with suggested solutions.
In one chapter, this is shared in regards to the often-heard (and often dreaded) statement, “We need to talk”:
Maybe you do, and maybe you don’t. Yeah, I know the common counsel: “Couples must communicate.” Unfortunately, what the words “we need to talk” really mean - in far too many cases - is “You need to listen…to me.” Some partners never stop—they never give their mates a break. The complaints are endless, the blaming is endless, and the nit-picking is endless. Sometimes, one partner listens like the Child to the partner playing the role of the Parent, but that’s not communication (which only happens when the conversation is on an Adult-to-Adult level). Other times, complainers never stop to realize how well off they are. Some argue over such trivia that they admit a week later they can’t even remember what they were arguing about. It makes a partner want to scream, “SHUT UP!”
Of course that is a far-too-blunt invitation, but it nevertheless indicates that a relationship could be rendered far healthier if the partners could reach a point of being so comfortable with Self that they can be comfortable in a partner's presence while also being silent on occasion.
If one would abide in a state of quiet dignity, being composed and calm and tranquil and serene, that will not be achieved with an excess of self-serving talk.
It will happen when the selfish need to talk - for no other reason than to impress or control or influence or manipulate or change or shape or sway or persuade or induce or win over or conquer or pressure or con - finally comes to a soft and gentle end.
Then there will be a peace-bringing stillness of a degree that most cannot even imagine.
Maharaj said: "That in which consciousness happens, the universal consciousness or mind, we call the ether of consciousness. All the objects of consciousness form the universe. What is beyond both, supporting both, is the supreme state, a state of utter stillness and silence."
If it is peace that You are seeking and would find, try abiding as THAT for a spell.
You are invited to enter into the silence. (To be continued)
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