TODAY’S CONSIDERATIONS
Yesterday, while beginning to look in more detail at the relative effects of each of the nine basic personality styles or types, the focus was on the effects which come when one is highly influenced by the traits of a Personality Type One Perfectionist.
To continue with the discussion of the relative effects of other personality types, the focus today will be on the consequences of being highly influenced by the agenda of the Type Two Rescuer / Helper / Love Seeker.
The Relative Effects of Personality: Fears, Desires and Interrupted Happiness (continued)
This discussion focuses on the personality type that desires love but that lives in the fear of not getting it and with the unhappiness of never having enough of it. A pointer offered in the past said:
“Desires and wants and fears and imagined needs are generated by illusory ego-states. Who could possibly be satisfied if constantly experiencing the sensations of desire, want, fear or need?” No one.
Ego-states, in turn, are the result of the personality influences being discussed in this series (which also generate all dualistic beliefs, including: "good vs. bad," "loved vs. not loved," and belief in "a god of evil in opposition to a god of morality.")
Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj offered this pointer: “Only at word level does one think something good or bad will happen; when one identifies with the space, it is the end of good and bad. First of all you identify something as being good or bad for yourself. Then, in an effort to acquire good or to get rid of bad, you have invented a god. Then, you worship such a god…and you pray to that god for something good to happen to you.”
Those pointers having been offered, the focus now will be on the basic fear and the basic desire of Personality Type Two—"The Helper." The consideration for Type Two’s is this:
WHO thinks she / he needs love?
WHO thinks that he / she is in any position to "help" "others"?
WHO is so arrogant as to believe that “others” are obviously far less intelligent, far less capable, and far less gifted than the persona who thinks she / he is most qualified to provide "help" to “others”?
WHO is so egotistical that he / she believes that they know so much that they have the answers for everyone else’s relative world problems? WHO believes that she / he knows what "others" need?
And WHO believes that he / she is the most competent to provide "help"?
BASIC FEAR AND BASIC DESIRE
Russ Hudson pointed out the following about Personality Type Twos:
The Type Two’s BASIC FEAR is the fear of not being loved
The Type Two’s BASIC DESIRE is to be loved (by many)
THE IMPACT OF THAT PERSONALITY TYPE ON THE RELATIVE EXISTENCE
A Type Two will try to get the love she / he desires by manipulating others into believing that they need the Type Two, that they need what only that one person can offer, that they need the insight that only that one Type Two has, and that they cannot survive without that Type Two person. That mindset will attract what type persons for Type Twos to deal with on a daily basis?
Needy, dependent, easily-influenced persons who are users and takers.
The resulting co-dependency and chaos from dealing with the needy people that Twos attract will mar the relative existence of the Type Two. Why?
Type Twos eventually resent all the demands being made upon them by the needy, exploitative persons which their dependency-fostering persona attracts, even though the Twos were aggressively seeking out needy people with an excess of relative existence problems and who need the “help” that Type Twos believe (in their huge conceit) that only they can provide.
The resulting dependency preempts independence for the Two and for those persons who accept the Two’s “help,” and persons who are not free cannot possibly be happy—their baseless protestations to the contrary notwithstanding. The relative existence of those trapped in the Type Two sphere becomes marked by a lack of energy as Type Twos try to do so much for "others"; becomes marked by selfishness as Twos are really giving with the ulterior motive of trying to get back even more;
becomes marked by working to “help” "others" while Twos ignore their own basic, relative requirements; becomes marked by the building up of resentments since Twos never feel that "others" appreciate adequately their sacrifices; and becomes marked by the passive-aggressive behavior that always follows when the Type Two believes that he / she is not getting the degree of love and gratitude that is deserved after all the “help” they have offered.
WHY PERSONALITY TYPE TWO INTERRUPTS HAPPINESS
Imagine the frustration of needing love, of constantly wanting love, of constantly trying to find love, and of trying—always in vain—to hold onto love in a culture where 62% of those persons who pledge “to love ‘til death do us part” . . . don’t.
Yet the transient nature of “love” is not confined to the U.S. Across the globe, the typical pattern of relationships is to move through the following phases: “stranger” to “acquaintance” to “friend” to “lover” to “spouse or partner” to “enemy” to “mortal enemy.”
The same intransigence marks not only “love relationships” but friendships and partnerships as well.
How, therefore, could a Type Two ever be consistently happy when the desire is “to be loved deeply by everyone” while "self"-absorbed persons have no ability to love unconditionally at all and while persons mistake all sorts of personal agendas for “love”?
Much has been written about the illusion of “need.” Much has also been written about the illusion of “love.” As long as a person has a desire to be needed, happiness cannot happen with any degree of continuity. As long as Type Twos are overly-accommodating, are acting like martyrs, or are being possessive and manipulative, then happiness cannot happen with any degree of continuity.
As long as Twos are behaving as overly-sensitive pleasers and controlling manipulators, happiness cannot happen with any degree of continuity. The misery that accompanies such entrapment in this personality type—or in any of the other eight types—should make clear why those who offer Advaitin pointers consistently invite protégés to abandon identification with body, with mind, and with personality.
FREEDOM FROM PERSONALITY TYPE TWO EFFECTS VIA REALIZATION
With realization comes
(A) the understanding that there is no “one” that has any need.
With Realization comes
(B) the understanding that no “one” can help any “one.”
With Realization comes
(C) clarity about what love is not
and then
(D) an end to wasting energy in the search for anything that is illusory.
Lies are stored in the mind; truth can be accessed via the inner resource, contact with which is typically blocked by assumption of personality.
When that inner awareness springs forth into the consciousness, then all beliefs about being a person in need, about being a person who needs help, and about being a person who has great ability to help others . . .all that will end and a lightness of being can happen for the remainder of the manifestation.
But whether realization (and an accompanying lightness of being) happens or not, neither case changes the fact that no “one” exists that can “help,” that no “others” exist that are "separate from" and needing “help,” and that no “one” exists that needs “help” . . . or anything else.
Next, any lightness of being which is not manifesting during the relative existence can only come about after realization, which is then followed by an acceptance of these facts: first, if something happens, such as “being loved,” it happens, and, secondly, if it does not happen, so it is.
Furthermore, the Type Twos’ belief in the dualistic concept that they have a “need to connect” reveals that the Oneness is not understood at all by Type Twos. That failure to understand the unicity fosters a belief in duality and a desire to create dependencies and connections.
To commit to finding the lies and thereby to finding the truth via realization is the course that can free Type Twos of
(1) their constant sense of feeling rejected, of
(2) their typically feeling hurt, of
(3) their feeling that they need to win over everyone and be loved by all, of
(4) their egotism, revealed by their belief that they are so much better than "others" that they are in a position to “help” "others" and of
(5) their frustration that results from that constant, nagging sense that they lack the love, the esteem, and the sense of worth that their personality convinces them that they need.
And if Type Twos were freed from being driven subconsciously by a desire to gain more and more love in their quest to try to attain now the love that was not offered to them during childhood by absentee or unavailable fathers, then life for those around those Two's would also be less stressful. Why?
I have a neighbor who is a Type Two, and she demands that her children and husband constantly hug her and display affection for her. Because stressed Type Two's disintegrate to the Type Eight and become controlling and domineering and downright mean if they do not get what they want, then those around her feel that negative energy which her "8 side" projects when she is trying to have her miserable internal condition alleviated by externals, by those around her.
What a burden to have to deal with a person who believes that her or his happiness depends on what others do and to then be blamed and shamed for never doing enough. The woman puts those around her in charge of making her feel good, demanding: "You will love me, and you will focus your attention on me all day long, and you will show me you love me in a variety of ways all day long."
What a strain for those around her. Her children have said they are tired of her demands, her husband has said he is tired of her demands, I have shared with her what is driving her to be so demanding, and - even after all of that - she still could care less about how they feel or what they prefer. She "has needs, dammit!" She's on a mission to be loved, and by dang, she "will be shown love by everyone . . . or else!"
With the coming of realization and the subsequent freedom from being driven by personality, all such nonsense could go for everyone being driven by the subconscious agenda of a Type Two and by the agenda of a Type Two gone to Type Eight.
To be continued.
Please enter into the silence of contemplation.
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