TODAY'S CONSIDERATIONS
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and
"The death of the mind is the birth of wisdom"
and
"To know that you are a
prisoner of your mind - that you live in an imaginary world of your own
creation - is the dawn of wisdom."
--Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
"Realization is nothing more than a process which results in a person being freed from believing in all learned ignorance."
--Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
The Anatomy of Human Memory Storage: The Elemental Brain vs. the Non-Elemental Mind
or
The Natural Brain vs. the Never-Natural Mind
NON-DUALITY AS OPPOSED TO THE DUALITY OF PSYCHOLOGICAL SPLITTING (Continued)
As noted earlier, certain cultures are more culpable than others of modeling their cold and uncaring and rigid and distant and excessively formal and remote and detached and aloof manner, and children in such societies and countries are especially love-starved.
A child who wants to receive love from such parents who are generally incapable of showing or expressing love will unconsciously or consciously formulate an "ego ideal" (which is actually far from "ideal") and will eventually internalize the values of the parents and will display a cold and uncaring and rigid and distant and excessively formal and remote and detached and aloof manner.
[Children will mimic and mirror their parents or primary “caregivers” (or "non-caregivers" as the case might be), especially when feeling threatened by those parents or when seeking those parents’ love.]
At some point, even a child senses that her or his very core - his or her true, authentic “center” or “most central part” or “essence” - is being choked into submission;
yet in the search for love and acceptance, the child (already identified with many false ego-states) will move ahead anyway with the agenda of the ego ideal, and in that torn state of duality, children can and often do develop pathologies (among those, the Stockholm Syndrome and the masochistic normalization of sadistic treatment).
What a set up to become an abuse-tolerant adult. Want to know why, as an adult, “she stays with him when he is so abusive” or why “he stays with her when she is so abusive”? Look no further, though admittedly many other really sick, mind-factors are also likely to be at play.
The pathologies can manifest and result in the examples of instability listed earlier; eventually, insanity of varying degrees can manifest alongside the meanness and coldness that is often exhibited by those trapped in psychological splitting.
[Note that most who are driven by splitting are functioning adults and will not appear to be "crazy"; quite to the contrary, they will appear "normal" and even "charming" part of the time; nevertheless, what could be more dualistic than “splitting”?
So here are the key points about the split mind:
. . . Psychological splitting results in beliefs based in duality.
. . . Those beliefs are stored in the mind.
. . . A mind filled with dualistic beliefs drives duality-based thoughts and words and actions.
. . . Yeshu’a (“Jesus”) noted that it is dual-mindedness which results in persons "being unstable in all ways."
. . . Thus, a split mind - a mind filled with dualistic thinking – guarantees that the Ultimate Sickness will manifest and will completely control a person.
. . . Therefore, the Ultimate Sickness is all about the mind, not about too-little-dogma and not about some dreamed up, obscure concept called “a spiritual malady.”]
To continue:
So the child underwent psychological splitting first, after which the child will likely use splitting for the remainder of the manifestation. When awareness of truth and authenticity is driven out of awareness, then Freud called that situation "secondary narcissism."
In the case of secondary narcissism, each ego - each false self - is idealized. It is a short step from that action to idealizing "another" who has something that the child wants (and in later years, to idealizing another who has something that "the Adult-Child" wants.)
In many cases, the splitting can become so severe that persons exhibit the behaviors mentioned earlier: harshness with their words; coldness with their unavailability; meanness in their interactions; cruelty with their judging; and / or near-sociopathic levels of mercilessness while ignoring the impact of their no-apathy words and no-apathy deeds on those around them.
While this dualistic, psychological splitting garners little attention and is thus often minimized when it is discussed, some therapists suggest that it can actually develop into a borderline pathology, where such maddening instability and fluctuations result in an “I love you, I hate” / “I want you in my life, I don’t want you in my life” mindset.
How else could one describe persons who are comfortable with being "harsh, cold, mean, cruel, and judgmental" and who are "able to ignore the impact of their words and deeds on those around them" while feeling nothing themselves?
In the process of the idealizing of "another" who has something that the child wants (and later idealizing "another" who has something that "the Adult-Child" wants), it becomes easy for the Adult-Child to link desires, narcissism, and idealization to the libidinal drive in order to use the tools in one's "sexual kit" to control, attain, and gain.
I was in a relationship in which I later found out the woman's father had told her to use her good looks and great body to find a man to take care of her and to pay her bills; then, her mother told her to “use love as a tool to manipulate the man and you’ll get whatever you want.”
[Had I known, before making a commitment, that the game she was playing was to use her looks and sexual skill set and charming manipulative tools to control me, would I have found the protective armor needed and been able to mount an effective defense to fend off the mental and physical attack?
While (1) not having yet given up all beliefs and while (2) still being driven at times by the immense power of the limbic system (that paleomammalian cortex part of the brain) the answer is, “Most likely, no.” As occasionally noted here, the expression “Love is blind” should be changed to “Love is color-blind because it prevents the seeing of red flags.”]
Freud said that in those cases, the idealization of other people is a "flowing-over" of narcissistic libido onto the object; from the viewpoint of self-object relations, the object representations (like that of the “caregivers”) are made more beautiful than they really were. How does that look in practice?
A woman in a neighboring state explained that a man approached her (after he had discovered that she had earned millions of dollars by operating a successful chain of businesses in several states).
He was and is a typically-charming Personality Type Three who is quite adept at presenting a most desirable image. So sure that he was ideal, she moved him into her house promptly after allowing a "flowing-over" of narcissistic libido onto the object.
She reported early on that "He is charming and a great lover and brings so much to our relationship and to what has been missing in my empty life." It was so easy to move him in, but now that the facade has fallen, she is overwrought with trying to find a way to move him out. As in all cases of splitting, "All good" became "all bad."
Both the male and the female in this couple were made to appear "more beautiful" than they really were in their initial (outward) appearances which they maintained during the dating process, and now that pain of "the libidinal energy hook" that was used to catch what was sought is generating intolerable pain and misery. Rare? Hardly.
The use of idealization, followed by the use of devaluation, is so commonplace that most can relate directly to the chaos that the (mental) illness of splitting can generate. Since relationships are relative (note relationship) and therefore dualistic, then at some point, persons need to make the admittedly dualistic "pro / con list" referenced earlier if they are to find all of the relevant facts about a potential mate prior to rather than after the fact.
As noted earlier, that list in the early going almost always ends up with only "pro's" as idealization typically drives both parties during the early, heady days of dating. (If a "negative" is seen, the belief is, "I can address that and change this person, but all of the pro's are so overwhelming, I will move on and pursue this relationship and lock it in.")
Eventually, the initial facades and images will be exposed to the light. The actually-obvious negative traits that could have been seen early on (or that were seen and denied because of a self-serving agenda) begin to surface, and the former "all-pro list" becomes an "all-con list" in the pervasive realm of "splitters."
As for “the non-dual seeker,” as well as for those feeling the misery generated by having dealt with "splitters" or for those still dealing with a splitter, a far deeper understanding of the potential roots of duality should be obvious as well as another root of the misery and suffering which often comes when one "love" calamity after another manifests in the absence of understanding and enjoying "Real Love."
Where does the "flowing-over" of narcissistic libido that triggers the sexual act come into play in regards to "love" vs. "Love"? The perverse mind and the warped psyche can inspire hundreds if not thousands of insane beliefs about sex, including not only the "flowing-over" of narcissistic libido onto the object but also including engaging in the act for nothing more than prurient pleasure;
for financial gain; for attaining a higher lifestyle; for establishing and maintaining new ego-states, etc. Since the narcissistic libido and "love" vs. Real Love have been raised in this discussion, let a related pointer be shared.
Upon returning from a trip to South Africa years ago, two emails from men residing in the Far East were in the mailbox. One explained that I should teach tantric sex; another said that I should encourage "abstinence, in order to move seekers to the highest level of purity."
To the first, the reply was that maybe he needed to start his own teaching career rather than instructing me, and to the second the reply was, "I don't know who you've been dating, but if abstinence is preferred with her in order to address her low level of purity, then you might want to change partners."
Here, where nisarga / natural functioning is the end game, people still advise that natural acts should be abandoned. To the contrary, natural acts are encouraged, yet the encouragement is offered alongside the invitation to stop the phoniness that marks and mars all of the "love games" that people play and to bring True Love into play instead.
As for the letters from those talking tantric sex and abstinence, they inspired this sharing:
But do not be misled by the comment that "REAL LOVE brings nothing that is relative and takes nothing that is relative (though its awareness of Oneness is expressed in the relative act of sex when ‘Reality’ is overlaid on ‘the relative’)."
When the relative act of sex happens alongside the manifestation of Real Love, the phenomenal act coincides with a noumenal awareness and results in levels of bliss that no one can ever experience unless both of those elements manifest, coincide, intersect, and merge simultaneously.
"Full realization" will never rob you of bliss; to the contrary, only full realization will guarantee bliss. What it might rob you of is the selfish use of sex as a tool to gain what your personas desire, often involving fear as well as desire.
Moreover, only full realization will allow the true bliss and the relative bliss to manifest, coincide, intersect, and merge, taking you to a level that you have never imagined if it has not yet happened with you.
To be continued.
Please enter into the silence of contemplation.
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THE EXPLANATION
Yeshu'a (Jesus) and Pope John Paul II and Pope Francis were spot on:
"No one shall ever see 'the kingdom of heaven.' It is within"
and
"Heaven and earth shall fade away."
and
"Heaven and hell are not geographic places
"There is no hell."
