F.: Hello Beverly. Thx for writing. Indeed, the curse of personality is universal, you are not alone in suffering the effects of MPD, and you are not an oddball. Billions of insane persons roam the planet. In fact, much of what you have taken to be your oddballism might be explained by chemistry and certainly by some of the Advaita teachings. And yes, the problem begins when duality is taught and when the first persona is assigned.
In the early going, you were not told that you are conscious-energy manifested in a set of elements with a nervous system. Obviously, those who took the label of “parents” did not have The Understanding, so they labeled you a “girl.” Then, they introduced you to the distortions of their dualistic minds and told you at times that you were a “Good Girl” but at other times that you were a “Bad Girl.” Instantly, that introduced you to the chaos and instability of fluctuations between feeling happy at times and feeling unhappy at other times, depending on whether the “good” or the “bad” descriptor was assigned to your adopted label.
The confusion became worse when you saw that the next door neighbor said that his son was “bad” when he did the same things that earned you the “good” label. Soon, you would be exposed to the dualities being taught by teachers who each had a different set of criteria that had to be met for you to be considered “good.” One instructor might laugh at your in-class joke and the next might send you to the office for punishment for the same “offense.” The inconsistencies seemed maddening at times, and they were. Ignorant adults drive children insane with all of the adults’ dualistic nonsense. By the time you reached high school, the rules of the game were reversed again, and if you became interested in boys, many of them sent a contradictory message of duality: the “Bad Girls” are the “Good Girls” to have as “girlfriends.” Confusion and insanity grew.
To control you, the reward/punishment duality in “this life” was likely extended to the eternal reward/punishment duality in an afterlife. You got away with being “bad” at home and did not get caught? You later got away with being “bad” at school and did not get caught? You took a cookie from a store and did not pay but did not get caught? There was still no peace around any of those instances because you were taught that there’s a Man-God watching you on some kind of celestial CCTV and you were going to get punished even if a parent, teacher, or store clerk did not see what you did and did not punish you at the time. And if you did not do certain specific things regarding those “sins” in a “holy” place with a “holy” man, then your punishment after death would be eternal. So you carry the fear and the guilt with you, and the mental-emotional load accumulates. As you have desires, more and more guilt piles on, and all of that is based in the illusions and the distortions and the magical, supernatural, dualistic beliefs that dominate the “minds” of persons on the planet.
Now, all of that is the case with a child raised in what is taken to be “normal” circumstances. What is the result when so many children are exposed to the extreme insanity that adult egomaniacs generate in the relative existence: poverty; ignorance; malnutrition; lack of health care; drugs; murder; physical, mental and emotional abuse; wars, ad infinitum. The oddity would be if anyone reached the age of twenty-one on this planet and was not frustrated, confused, either unhappy or walking about in a dream state, and plagued with MPD. Are you seeing that you are not an oddball at all? Are you seeing that “The Oddball” was just another label assigned or accepted in lieu of understanding how MPD/DID comes about, in lieu of understanding Who/What You Truly Are, and in lieu of understanding why insanity is now the “norm” on planet earth? Please enter the silence of contemplation. [To be continued]