[Continued from yesterday]
FROM A SITE VISITOR: I’ve been reading your answers to angie and I’ve reread everything you wrote about MPD/DID. A decade ago, a doctor diagnosed me with MPD.. After years of therapy he kept telling me that I had to keep coming bacvk to him. I thought I was a total defect and might as well kill myself. Finally---after years of my own research and studying the enneagram and also what A.V. teachers have to say about personality---I‘m getting it. No wonder insanity is so widespread! I don’t feel so alone anymore in this struggle. I’m not the only oddball. What hit home was when you showed how so many areas---like finances and relations etc---are affected by each personality I assume. No wonder my mind never stopped! So it starts out causing some trouble and then just gets worse and worse, and this is almost universal, right?. Thanx Beverly
F.: So notice why “it starts out causing some trouble and then just gets worse and worse,” “it” being the “mind” that (a) is the collection of all warped programming and conditioning and enculturation and that (b) accepts personas as being real identities and that (c) expands from assuming one personality to assuming multiple personalities as identities. Each assumed role brings with it the belief by a person that his/her persona is being affected in the multiple areas mentioned earlier: finances, relations, sex, self-esteem, security, etc., so when an ego-state is threatened, the “mind” perceives that as a multi-pronged attack in many areas.
Then, multiply all of those areas that are impacted by the number of personas being assumed and you’ll have an understanding of why the “mind” can produce hundreds of thoughts around a single event that rob you of peace and trigger fear and a sense of loss. Take the man who thinks he is “The Husband.” His wife says she leaving him, taking the children, and preparing to “clean him out.” Having assumed a role (which always depends on another person for its “completion” and its very sense of "being"), notice what wife’s words will trigger:
First, “The Husband” thinks he is dying; then, “The Homeowner” thinks he dying; “The Father” feels threatened; “The Lover” feels threatened; “The Big Man in the Community” feels he’s being threatened; “The Retirement Fund Owner” feels his existence is ending; “The Property Owner” who shares ownership of a house that is full of his accumulated “stuff” senses that it is ending; “The Savings Account Man” knows that those funds are going to be dispersed and so his end is near; “The Investment Property Owner” knows that his other properties will be liquidated, so that ego-state feels that it's being killed; and the list could continue. Then, consider how many areas (finances, relations, sex, self-esteem, security) are being impacted by each of those false identities and you see the impact when multiple personalities are adopted and then when each of those feels threatened in multiple areas. Agenda after agenda after agenda triggers a series of reactions that often end is destructive and/or self-destructive actions in the relative existence of duality.
So, in your case, Beverly, you began with one agenda: to be “The Good Girl” and not “The Bad Girl.” Being “The Good Daughter, The Good Granddaughter, the Good Niece” and not “The Bad Daughter or Bad Granddaughter or Bad Niece” soon evolved. Then, lessons in duality gave you another agenda: to avoid punishment and to gain reward. By the age of two, you were already completely steeped in duality and false identities.
FROM A SITE VISITOR: I’ve been reading your answers to angie and I’ve reread everything you wrote about MPD/DID. A decade ago, a doctor diagnosed me with MPD.. After years of therapy he kept telling me that I had to keep coming bacvk to him. I thought I was a total defect and might as well kill myself. Finally---after years of my own research and studying the enneagram and also what A.V. teachers have to say about personality---I‘m getting it. No wonder insanity is so widespread! I don’t feel so alone anymore in this struggle. I’m not the only oddball. What hit home was when you showed how so many areas---like finances and relations etc---are affected by each personality I assume. No wonder my mind never stopped! So it starts out causing some trouble and then just gets worse and worse, and this is almost universal, right?. Thanx Beverly
F.: So notice why “it starts out causing some trouble and then just gets worse and worse,” “it” being the “mind” that (a) is the collection of all warped programming and conditioning and enculturation and that (b) accepts personas as being real identities and that (c) expands from assuming one personality to assuming multiple personalities as identities. Each assumed role brings with it the belief by a person that his/her persona is being affected in the multiple areas mentioned earlier: finances, relations, sex, self-esteem, security, etc., so when an ego-state is threatened, the “mind” perceives that as a multi-pronged attack in many areas.
Then, multiply all of those areas that are impacted by the number of personas being assumed and you’ll have an understanding of why the “mind” can produce hundreds of thoughts around a single event that rob you of peace and trigger fear and a sense of loss. Take the man who thinks he is “The Husband.” His wife says she leaving him, taking the children, and preparing to “clean him out.” Having assumed a role (which always depends on another person for its “completion” and its very sense of "being"), notice what wife’s words will trigger:
First, “The Husband” thinks he is dying; then, “The Homeowner” thinks he dying; “The Father” feels threatened; “The Lover” feels threatened; “The Big Man in the Community” feels he’s being threatened; “The Retirement Fund Owner” feels his existence is ending; “The Property Owner” who shares ownership of a house that is full of his accumulated “stuff” senses that it is ending; “The Savings Account Man” knows that those funds are going to be dispersed and so his end is near; “The Investment Property Owner” knows that his other properties will be liquidated, so that ego-state feels that it's being killed; and the list could continue. Then, consider how many areas (finances, relations, sex, self-esteem, security) are being impacted by each of those false identities and you see the impact when multiple personalities are adopted and then when each of those feels threatened in multiple areas. Agenda after agenda after agenda triggers a series of reactions that often end is destructive and/or self-destructive actions in the relative existence of duality.
So, in your case, Beverly, you began with one agenda: to be “The Good Girl” and not “The Bad Girl.” Being “The Good Daughter, The Good Granddaughter, the Good Niece” and not “The Bad Daughter or Bad Granddaughter or Bad Niece” soon evolved. Then, lessons in duality gave you another agenda: to avoid punishment and to gain reward. By the age of two, you were already completely steeped in duality and false identities.
The ego-states were being impacted in many of those areas mentioned: finances (do you get your allowance or gifts for being good, or do you lose out because you’ve been bad?); relations (do your relatives applaud you for your goodness?); self-esteem (are you hearing more often that you’re “good” or more often that you’re “bad”?); security (are you being punished for your “badness” or getting threatening looks of disapproval?) Are you seeing how you have become trapped in that which is believed to be personal and how you came to believe that there is some “Beverly” that has attributes? Are you getting a glimpse of that which is transpersonal and that which must be transcended if you are ever to know Who/What You Are and thereby enjoy a sense of stability and peace? Please enter the silence of contemplation. [To be continued]
