WHEN THE EARLIEST DUALITIES PLAGUE THE RELATIVE EXISTENCE OF ADULT-AGED PERSONS, Part Three

F.: [Continued from yesterday]: From entrapment in ego-states, and the egotism that they generate and the desire to accumulate that they inspire, it is a short leap from, “I love my wife” to “but she’s not enough…does not give me enough.” It is a short leap from “At one point I loved my husband,” to “but he has never honored me enough so now I hate him.”

The additional trap is this: all ego-states are rooted in co-dependency: employee cannot exist without employer; husband cannot exist without spouse; lover cannot exist without a lover; and “The Super Lover” cannot exist with multiple lovers. All co-dependency, in turn, robs one of freedom and thus generates a plethora of fears and desires and misery.

The planet-wide result of being programmed early on to believe in dualities is that billions of adult-aged humans behave as if they were children, trapped in “The Child” role as they are; thinking in their magical ways; believing that their dogma and other supernatural tales which are based in ancient myths are true; and speaking and acting in ways that reveal their disdain for logic and reason.

Yesterday, one example was offered of the way that the dualities of “good vs. bad” and “reward vs. punishment” and “want vs. don’t want,” programmed into children at an early age, can drive the thoughts and words and deeds of persons throughout their adulthood years.

Another example presented itself last week which illustrates the pointer as well. Prior to the last seminar, one employee was not going to be able to attend because it was being offered during his vacation. He had already been excused from attendance, but he was driven by “The Child” persona to write an e-mail to his supervisor.

That letter contained nearly two pages of examples of the good work he has done in the past. The lengthy exposé reminded the supervisor that he is a good employee, one of the best in fact, and deserves reward and certainly should not be punished for missing the seminar.

Rather than functioning as an adult, the content of his letter revealed that he is dominated by “The Child” who wants the “good” label and wants to avoid the “bad” label. His letter included assertions such as…

“I am a good employee. I’m not sure you know how good I am” (an upgrade on the dualistic illusion that I am a good boy). The content really said, “Please like me even if I don’t attend. Please continue to reward me in the future. Show me that you accept me…that you care…that you appreciate me just as I am. Say something that takes away my fears that you might think I’m not good enough.” It continued:

“I usually attend all training sessions and I volunteer for extra work and assignments with this company” (which really affirms again, I want you to see that I am a good boy.) Then, childishly, he suggested the dates be changed, though the timing worked well for several dozen employees and supervisors and had been arranged for weeks.

There was a letter that never needed to be written, his having been told already that he was excused. Realized, he would have enjoyed his time off; trapped in the ego-state of “The Child” (a setup from childhood programming and conditioning) he is instead driven by a fear of being punished; a desire to be seen as good; his wanting to receive rewards; a desire to get what he wants when he wants it; and his not wanting to be punished.

All those thoughts and words are derived from his having been trained to believe in duality, especially with the notions that “I am not enough, I am not good enough, and as a result I will never have enough, so I must accumulate in all areas.”

That setup drives persons throughout childhood, and then throughout adulthood, to try constantly to “sell or promote themselves”; to work at creating and maintaining a “positive image”; and to engage in a constant effort to market themselves as one who is not merely good but who is really good.

What about you? Have you been driven to try to sell or promote yourself? Have you been driven to work at creating and maintaining a “positive image”? Have you been driven to engage in a constant effort to market yourself as one who is not merely good but who is really good? Has your relative existence been marked by one disappointment after another when people did not buy into all that? Have you suffered because you are dependent on what (unawake and unaware) persons think of you? What an exhausting relative existence all that work and effort and engagement produces.

How impossible it becomes to relax and take it easy when being blindly driven by programming and conditioning from childhood. How impossible it is to enjoy any existence that is dominated by dualistic thoughts, dualistic words, and duality-inspired behavior. If you have not already, might You now be ready to take the steps that result is the casting aside of all beliefs and concepts?

Do you see that the continued belief in “their” concepts will guarantee the continuation of fluctuations and instability that produce periods of chaos as well as periods of harmony? Periods of “up’s” as well as periods of “down’s”; periods of behaving sanely as well as periods of acting like an immature child; and periods of happiness as well as periods of misery? Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)

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CONSCIOUSNESS IN MOTION: A Journey into the Dark Abyss of the “Mind,” Part Three

F.: Case #2 will confirm another Advaita pointer: the ego hates the silence. It has been shown that as soon as an ego-state is taken to be an identity, it promotes itself to “Super” status. Personas—trapped as they are in their “Super” status and egotism—must make noise to create an image and to sustain an image. “The Super Speaker” must speak; "The Super Singer" must sing; “The Look-At-Me Mom Child” must yell for attention; and the adult version of that child must have a car with a sound system that no one can ignore.

The ego must be noticed for an ego-state to "survive," so it will generate noise and it will demand attention. Because thought precedes both words and actions, then the ego-dominated “mind” can tolerate neither the stillness nor the silence. Moreover, to reach a point where the presence of noise and the absence of stillness and silence becomes so miserable that a quiet mind is longed for, merely asking for it or wishing for it will never make it happen. [See the book There's No Such Thing As "Peace of Mind" for further explication.]

Note how the shiftings in consciousness and how all of the duality involved in the belief systems of Case #2 reveal multiple ego-states, egotism, a desire for attention, and (even more to the point) turmoil, unrest, ambiguity, bafflement, unevenness, and angst:

CASE #2
“Okay, they say I broke up a family, but I didn’t. He did. I was right 95% of the time in all the arguments we had. I didn’t have a choice but to leave. Yes, I was somewhat concerned about the effects of taking my daughter away from her father, but the negative effects of divorce on a child only last for about two years, max. After 20 years with him, I was so frustrated that I finally starting cutting him to the bone. I told him that I never loved him and that I had just been using him and that I had prayed every day for a year that he would die. Damn fool. On the other hand, he was a good provider and he was very generous in the settlement. I know I should have forgiven him, but he didn't deserve me. I was too good for him from day one.

I do have to admit that he was always a great father to our child, but he wasn't a lovable husband. Okay, love was there. Why else would I have stayed for twenty years? I never had to work. He paid all the bills. The sex was good. But he made me feel like a whore. We really did have a good marriage I guess, but now, I’m much happier away from him. I didn’t get a fraction of what I had coming from the divorce, but that's OK because now I’ve remarried and I’ve found a good man who will take care of me. Dad told me that, with my looks, I'd find a man to take care of me and he was right. Mom told me that love is a tool that can be used to manipulate men, but she meant manipulate in a good way. As it turns out, they knew what they were talking about.

There have been ups and downs, but for the most part the game plan has worked most of my life and now I’ve happier than ever. I have a good Christian man who’s handsome and rich and I have a fulfilling job where I work for the Lord. I always liked singing in front of an audience, and now I sing in church in order to praise the Lord. Today, I know without a doubt that God rules over every part of His dominion, so it’s all been His will, everything that happened. I thank Him daily for the life He has given me. I am truly blessed.” [This case, and many others, are discussed in full in the book CASTING LIGHT ON THE DARK SIDE OF RELATIONSHIPS, below.]

The duality revealed in her comments confirms that the consciousness in example #2 has been completely warped. That also confirms that self (in fact, many “selves”) are driving her thoughts, words, and deeds. Look then at the way her ideas and “beliefs” shift from one diametrically-opposite extreme to another to understand the full effect of the consciousness being warped.

Next, your visit into the dark abyss of the sick “mind” in this example shows you exactly how the warping of consciousness results in confusion, instability, uncertainty, bewilderment, insecurity, unsteadiness, volatility, mental and emotional disorder, and personality disorders. All of those are the result of the warping of consciousness, the subsequent formation of a “mind,” the formation of personality, the assumption of ego-states as identities, and the egotism that follows.

Note again that the ego hates the silence. In fact, it so hates the silence and the beingness that it requires noise and doingness: “The Singer” must sing, “The Speaker” must speaker, and “The Talker” must talk; otherwise, none of those ego-states could “exist”—could “sustain” each self—in the “minds” of those who take their ego-states to be actual identities. This woman must sing, must talk to spread the "good news," must talk to preserve her image as a good mother who did no lasting (relative) harm to her daughter, and must talk to defend her self as a near-perfect wife (with a "95% right" rating).

Case #2 also illustrates that ego is always concerned with physical appearance, and persons become especially attached to body when a culture allows bodies to double as moneymakers. It becomes automatic for persons programmed in such a fashion to define their entire relative existence through projecting externals and maximizing the appearance of the form, the space, the physical. The result is that persons haven’t the slightest contact with that which can only be realized from within: consciousness of Self via tapping into the inner resource; contact with the sixth sense; contact with the intuition; and, finally, the ability to function in ways that are natural as opposed to unnatural and/or supernatural. If the darkness has descended upon the consciousness that you are, to any degree, the suggestion is to try completing all seven of the steps that lead to the re-purification of the warped consciousness. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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FALSE IDENTITIES: MYTHS, LIES, AND FACTS, Part One

F.: Because the non-Realized (that is, "persons") are living the basic lie of believing that they are their false identities, then every other thought, word, and deed that follows is also going to be a lie: “I am this” or “I am that”; “You make me angry”; “You make me happy when…”; “You brought that on yourself because of your bad karma”; “My body shall resurrect”; “They’ll get their just reward/punishment in the afterlife”; “I’ll be happy if I can just get a different….”

The roles that persons play in the lila are also called ego-states, states-of-being (being this or that), false identities, the false self, the façades, the masks, the public images, personas, and personalities. Consider how many hundreds of ego-states that persons assume as identities; then, consider that each ego-state has multiple “voices” in the “mind.” After that exercise, it should be clear why persons pass their days in preoccupation and their nights in restlessness: they are hearing the incessant chatter of a thousand monkeys in their heads as all of those ego-states try to deal with their imagined affronts, challenges, fears, and desires while constantly struggling to assure the continuity of something that is only a mirage.

Next, consider the overwhelming number of false identities that persons have to choose from when adopting and fostering their images and you begin to understand why they are overwhelmed by the multitude of hidden agendas that are driving their thoughts, words, and deeds as they assume their false identities from a list that includes: the boy, the girl, the man, the woman, the stranger, the acquaintance, the friend, the fiancé, the fiancée, the boyfriend, the girlfriend, the lover, the spouse, the predator, the prey, the abuser, the abused, the enemy, the homeowner, the fixer, and the perfectionist;

also, the helper, the driver, the driven, the performer, the romantic, the analyst, the loyalist, the adventurer, the boss, the parent, the adult, the child, the Caucasian, the African, the Afro-American, the white, the black, the brown, the yellow, the peacemaker, the smart, the ignorant, the gifted, the special, the contributor, the leech, the taker, the giver, the addict, the alcoholic, the son/daughter, the superstar, the nobody, the minister, the secretary;

also, the hero, the achiever, the caretaker, the clown, the haves, the have-nots, the messiah, the lost child, the troublemaker, the special one, the knowledgeable one, the organizer, the controller, the conventional one, the savior, the matchmaker, the preacher, the priest, the rabbi, the ayatollah, the imam, the answer man, the answer woman;

also, the president, the leader, the student, the teacher, the guru, the employee, the employer, the religious one, the spiritual giant, the teen, the board member, the owner, the possessor, the judge, the critic, the charmer, the stud, the sexy woman, the womanizer, the goddess, the player, the trophy, the model, the singer, the connoisseur, the gourmet, the vegan, the vegetarian, the expert;

also, the Republican, the Democrat, the Independent, the American, the Frenchman, the German, the Iranian, the Syrian, the Talibani, the Pakistani, the Indian, the Jordanian, the Christian, the Catholic, the Protestant, the Lutheran, the Hindu, the Taoist, the Sufi, the Sunni, the Shia, the Buddhist, the Pope, the Dalai Lama, the Jew, the Muslim, ad infinitum.

And that list includes but a fraction of the labels that persons use to assume false identities and to separate themselves from “others” by religion, politics, boundaries and global positioning, strata of societies, hierarchies of power and wealth and status and employment, affiliation, membership, association, race, and all forms of personality. Is the extent to which duality dominates the population of the earth any wonder?

Tom Cunningham has compiled his own list of some of the less obvious roles that must also be discarded. (They are all rooted in Sigmund Freud's “His Majesty the Baby” belief systems, as discussed in the posting from two days ago.) He discusses the myths that accompany each such identity and then offers by way of contrast the actual facts that apply. For those attempting to identity all ego-state being assumed and all roles being played (in order to discard them) the following are offered for consideration. Are you playing any of the games associated with these false identities that are rooted in the immaturity of “His/Her Majesty the Baby”?

The Popular One
Myth: If I am charming, attractive, magnetic, and the life of the party, you will want to be my friend.
Fact: By being all things to all people, we lose our true self in the process. The end of the game comes when others realize there is nothing behind the phony smiles.

The Tyrant/The Dictator
Myth: If you obey me and place yourself in my complete control, I will protect you from chaos.
Fact: If we believe we are born leaders capable of handling any crisis, we expect others to trustingly place themselves in our hands. Masters of sarcasm, we keep out subjects in place with cruel comments. The end of the game is when the “subjects” refuse to play.

The Love Conqueror
Myth: I am irresistible to others. Part of my attractiveness is my lack of respect for other people. I expect love, attention, wealth and power for the privilege of my company.
Fact: We are in deadly competition for center stage and are incapable of commitment in a relationship. The end of the game is when others recognize the shallowness of the conqueror.

The Beautiful One
Myth: Youthfulness, a beautiful body, and an attractive face are the essential qualities for me to be liked and accepted.
Fact: We have tried to get by on looks alone. The end of the game is when others tire of the child who requires continuous reassurance of his or her attractiveness.

Because persons live the basic lie of self (and thus all of the other lies that follow), the considerations for today are, "Are You being true to Self?" "Is that possible without knowing Who/What You Truly Are?" "Are you living a lie or have You Realized the Truth as a result of coming to understand the functioning of the totality?" Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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YOUR DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, Part Two

F.: Yesterday, it was seen that persons—those driven by personality and by the residue of childhood experiences—have neither freedom nor independence. Consider how debilitating it is to fear that “others” might see you as "bad" or might not "love" you; to fear that your culture’s definition of “success” might not be attained or to fear reality; to need to be seen as “The Expert”; to fear that “others” won’t take care of you;

to fear being deprived when you already have more than is required; to fear a lack of control and power; to be in fear of “loss.” Consider how childish it is for adults to desire being labeled as “good” or “lovable” or to desire mass approval and adulation; to want to be protected and supported and waited on rather than to support yourself. But those are the very fears and desires that are generated by personality and that persons deal with (often unconsciously) every day. Those are the fears and desires that rob persons of their freedom and their independence.

If a person sitting on death row in Huntsville, Texas were to tell you that he is not incarcerated, you would conclude that he was crazy. Consider how insane-like it is for persons to have neither freedom nor independence while imagining and proclaiming that they are free.

Persons, therefore, live in a prison that they call "their mind" while thinking that they live in “their world.” Their consciousness of self drives an existence that is focused on self and that is, therefore, self-centered and self-absorbed with their individual desires and fears. That is imprisonment...not freedom. Those desires and fears are rooted in personality, and personality depends on body and “mind” for sustenance. All persons are bound not just in personality but are bound as well by “mind” and body identification. In that false state of “mind,” ego differentiates and binds. That is imprisonment...not freedom.

Their false identifications are limiting, binding, and restricting, so neither freedom not independence can possibly happen. Because of belief in a false state, persons fail to understand the true state. Post-Realization, belief in differentiation is not even a possibility; being bound is an impossibility; being limited is totally unfeasible. And it is only when not limited that true freedom and real independence happen.

Identifying with the body and its form, persons haven’t a clue regarding their true, formless nature. Persons who find this site or who visit for satsanga are responding to a subconscious longing for that original state without form which is free of all desire and all fear. That subconscious search is generated by the will of the vestiges of pure consciousness to discard all of the phoniness, to know the real, and to be free once more of anxiety-producing fears and the frustration of unmet desires and unfulfilled expectations.

They long to be free of the inner memories of a child, memories that drive them as adults to wish for and hope for and long for truly childish things...things longed for, but not received, during childhood. Post-Realization, the remainder of the manifestation really can be enjoyed in an AS IF fashion without the longings of a child that were not met fifteen or thirty or sixty years ago.

Yes, sixty years ago, as was the case this week with a woman who at the age of sixty-five is still miserable because her mother to this day will not give her that “atta-girl” that she has longed for all her life. Just because that sixty-five-year-old can drive her car to the store or to another city or to another state does not mean that she is free. To the contrary, she is living within the triple-walled confines of (1) her “mind” and (2) the distorted consciousness and (3) the influence of a mother who was, is and shall always be physically, mentally, and emotionally-unavailable (all relatively speaking).

How can happiness in a sixty-five-year-old woman ever manifest when her thoughts, feelings, and actions are being controlled by a mirage called “mother”? How can happiness in a sixty-five-year-old woman ever manifest when her thoughts, feelings, and actions are being controlled by the desires and fears of “The Frustrated Child Within”?

If ever a case existed wherein a sixty-five-year-old person should be invited to declare her independence, it is that case. If ever a case existed wherein a sixty-five-year-old person should be invited to declare her independence from her false identity of “The Bad Daughter,” it is that case. All merely cycles, in this universe and in all universes. To the dismay of persons, misery and suffering can also cycle in the relative existence, from one generation to the next.

The lyrics of an old Mexican song contain these words that could have been spoken as well by “The Judgmental Mother” in the case above:

I don’t know how to love you.
I don’t even know how to embrace you,
Because what never leaves me
Is this pain that hurts me so.

The misery and suffering of one generation of non-Realized becomes the misery and suffering of the next generation of non-Realized. From as many persons as the daughter might seek advice, she could accumulate just that many pieces of advice about what she needs to do. The non-duality teachings, on the other hand, will explain that she need do nothing other than realize; namely, realize that (1) “daughter” and “good” and “bad” are the stuff of relativity; that (2) all relative "stuff" is illusory; and that (3) if she can see beyond that which is relative and illusory, she might glimpse That Which Is Real. Then, she’ll be able to be free of the binding and limiting “mind” that was generated in large part by a mother operating under the auspices of warped consciousness.

Freed of the effects of the warped consciousness of "her mother," she could realize that she can survive even if the fictitious role of “The Daughter” does not. Then, she could declare her independence from "The Judgmental Mother" and finally be free. [NOTE: Many persons suffer severely from the trauma of abuse and neglect. They might require professional counseling as part of a holistic treatment plan. Some have suppressed recall of the abuse incidents and don’t even know the source of the rage that surfaces on occasion or the nagging unrest that is ever-present.]

For those like the woman trapped in the role of “The Bad Daughter,” however, Realization can help break the chain of pain that is cycled among the non-Realized as they paint their relative existence with the broad strokes of their nonsense. What about you? What are you being moved to declare your independence from? What attachment to illusions, dogma, beliefs, ideas, persons, things, places, or possessions are you being moved to declare your independence from? Please enter the silence of contemplation.
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NARCISSISTS AND THE NON-REALIZED, Part Five

F.: Is it also becoming clear how much narcissists share in common with the non-Realized and why narcissism—if not successfully treated—will prevent Realization? Narcissists will never take a self-inventory that would reveal their entrapment in a personality disorder. They will likely never see that “personality defects” co-exist with “personality assets.” Why? Because they believe they only have assets.

Some have labeled the narcissist an "egomania with a subconscious inferiority complex that requires constant reinforcement of his/her false self-image." So don’t be fooled by their acts of “faked humility” which they’ll use to further convince you of how pleasant and kind they really are. Further, since they can’t get to their relative truth, certainly they can never reach that understanding which is beyond the relative. Expect their personality faults to be projected onto you, but don’t ever expect them to recognize those faults as their own.

In “personal” or “working” relationships with a narcissist, you will never get that apology which you deserve, you will never get the affirmation that you might seek, and you will never get the appreciation or reward that you might deserve because the narcissist can never get enough to be satisfied or to be generous (unless it reinforces image). Narcissists always believe that they deserve more, that they are entitled to more, and that you should be willing to give more (though they give less and less). In “personal relationships,” narcissists assume that you are lucky to be in their presence. If you are on their payroll, you should never ask for a raise but should only ask if there is more work that you can do without additional remuneration.

Consider again why so many eventually find themselves “walking on eggshells” around the narcissist: if they are challenged by a partner or employee or spouse, their reactions will be so overwhelmingly out of proportion and so full of implied threats that any future challenge will be squelched. Their disproportional reactions will effectively quiet all objecting or protesting and will assure that all is done their way.

In that manner, the narcissist maintains control and makes use of the conditioning techniques that can force persons farther and farther into identification with their false selves that are driven by fear and desire. The result is that NPD spreads itself like a cancer. As the desire to create and sustain images drives the narcissist, it also conditions those who are in dependent or co-dependent “relationships” with narcissists to also abandon Self or any effort to find Self.

As with the mythological Narcissus, narcissists believe that the entire world should be a reflection of them. Everything must revolve around their effort to manufacture and maintain their image. Peace in the presence of narcissists will only happen if your words suggest that you accept their image as real and if your every action supports their false image as well.

Narcissists condition people, either with their charm or with their brutality, in order to force persons to behave as the narcissists want them to behave. That is why the family and/or the workplace generally become reflections of the personality of the narcissist: persons about them often internalize the personality of the narcissists in order to try to “keep the peace” or “maintain their roles.” When narcissists use their charismatic powers of influence, nations can take on the false character of a narcissist and echo his/her thoughts:

“We are the greatest”; “We are the good guys”; “We are moral but they are evil”; “We must attack them and destroy them because they attacked us or, even better, before they attack us”; and, historically, “We have the right to take land, to take possessions, to pillage, to plunder, to invade, to conquer, to kill en masse, to bomb, to shock, to intimidate, to awe, to overwhelm, to rule, and to impose our will on them since our will is founded in what is right and what is good.” And that same attitude will be taken into their “personal relationships” as well.

The caricature that narcissists are would be humorous, what with all of their pomposity, all of their strutting about as if on stage, and all of their egotistical nonsense that comes with their having cast themselves as the lead in their phony play. It would be humorous, if it weren’t for the fact that narcissists work themselves into roles of power and influence and control over persons and families and businesses and nations and eventually exert an unbelievably negative impact, relatively speaking, on so many lives.

In the completely fictional play that is “their life,” they may seem to be “people-pleasers” or “peace-lovers” for four out of five acts, but they are only playing to the audience to attain the mass affirmation that they desire. Constant reinforcement is sought as they often fish for the compliments and for the reinforcement that their ego-states and their massive egos need in order to be supported. If “others” see them as “genuine,” then they can continue to believe the same for another day.

So why do people continue to deal with narcissists? Because even after all of the above, narcissists will reverse course, will return to their charming ways, will manipulate you in a way that will trick you into believing “that’s not really him/her,” will make you believe that their rudeness or rage was an aberration, and will inspire you to accept once again the view that they really are the kind and gentle and loving persona that they can display so convincing most of the time.

So effective is their ability to charm and to manipulate that you’ll once again accept their image as the real, just as they do. Study the case of any vulnerable wife who has been physically abused by a narcissistic sociopath but who goes back time and again for more and you’ll understand (1) the power of her desire to sustain her own ego-states but far more (2) the effectiveness of the smooth and convincing act that a narcissistic sociopath can put on in The Drama of the Lie. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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NARCISSISTS AND THE NON-REALIZED, Part Three

F.: Being so far removed from the Unchanging Reality (and thus so attuned to chaos and disorder and change and instability), narcissists will fluctuate and, as a result, will hate tomorrow what they love today; will contradict tomorrow what they say today; will deny tomorrow having said what they said today; and will claim today that they love peace but tomorrow will start a war. Being so far removed from the peace of knowing the True Self, they will attach to the fighting that is required to defend their false images and ego-states. They will be driven, and (as has been pointed out on this site before) he who is driven has no control over where he goes or how he goes…even if he is deluded into thinking he is in control.

Ultimately, they will be driven by their enthrallment with, and passion for, their false self. They will chase in their self-absorbed and merciless fashion their own indulgences, desires and authority, all to one end: to preserve at all costs their public persona, their well-honed illusion, and their counterfeit image which they present and which they believe is real. Narcissists can be effective teachers to this degree: observant seekers can see that everything narcissists do, say, feel or think is a cataloguing of what must be abandoned in order for Realization to happen.

For a more complete picture of the narcissist, review the traits of those exhibiting the Narcissistic Personality Disorder as reported in the DSM-IV.

Narcissists display an exaggerated sense of self-importance (e.g., they exaggerate their achievements and talents and expect to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements); they exhibit a sense of grandiosity; one of their favorite statements in this area is, “I don’t have to put up with that.” Grandiosity and self-importance block Realization.

Narcissists display a preoccupation with their fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love, living in their own “world” and reacting with affront when “reality” dares to intrude. Belief in fantasies and their false "world" blocks Realization.

Narcissists believe that they are special and can only be understood by, or should only associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions; many a narcissist has been “born into” a “high-status institution” such as a church or mosque or temple or business or political family or has been “re-born” into a “high-status” institution such as a church or mosque or temple or spiritual group; those associated with religious or spiritual groups often epitomize the height of religious and/or spiritual arrogance as well as the “my way or the highway” mentality. Believing in the duality of “special vs. non-special” as well as fixating at the third of seven steps to Reality (the religious or spiritual step) will block Full Realization.

Narcissists display an excessive requirement for admiration, wanting praise, compliments, expressions of envy, and reinforcement of their belief that they are better than all others; they appear to care about people, but they only use people because narcissists have a need for regular affirmation of their image by the masses in order for the narcissists to continue to believe that their image is real; at some deep, subconscious level, the narcissist knows that he/she is bogus and is a complete phony, but by working continuously to impress the masses or a selected group of people who are easily fooled by the narcissist’s act, the narcissist’s image receives the confirmation that it requires in order for the warped consciousness of the narcissist to continue to believe that its image is real. Attachment to a false self-image blocks Realization.

Narcissists display a sense of entitlement, believing that they deserve favorable treatment; the sense of entitlement also convinces them that all of their desires or needs should be met by others; thus, attractive female narcissists with that sense of entitlement (which convinces them that they should be taken care of) are often willing to trade their good looks for security, status, and/or position; likewise, financially-successful male narcissists (convinced that they are entitled to have all of their wishes fulfilled) are often willing to trade their income for an attractive mate who is willing to fulfill their every desire and provide status by proxy; in the end, a narcissist believes that the only justification for dealing with people is to use them to the benefit of the narcissist. To believe that one is “different” and deserves more than “others” blocks Realization.

Narcissists display a pattern of selfishly taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends; they are users and takers and will get what they want, no matter the effect on anyone else. Belief in “needs” and “others” will block Realization.

Narcissists display a total inability to feel empathy. The inability to know and feel the unicity will block Realization.

Narcissists display an envy of others while believing that others should envy them. Arrogance and concepts about “others” block Realization.

Narcissists display arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors and attitudes. Beliefs that generate those behaviors and attitudes block Realization.

Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)

NARCISSISTS AND THE NON-REALIZED, Part Two

F.: If you do not adumbrate every idea and belief held by narcissists, then their greatest desire is for you to be destroyed. They might try to destroy you financially or in terms of your feelings or even literally. Yet even if you adumbrate their every idea and belief, even if you try to meet their many demands, even if you acquiesce to their many desires, and even if you play into their unlimited fears that are hidden behind their cloak of bravado, you will still not be good enough, on any regular basis. The desire for conflict, destruction, judgment and self-serving concepts will prevent Realization.

You will never be able to please narcissists consistently because their desires and expectations are constantly shifting; therefore, they cannot be pleased (their public display of confidence and stability and calm notwithstanding). Pointing out your failures or shortcomings is easy for them, but as far as recognizing any of their own personality disorders or defects or failures, it will not likely ever happen. (One experienced psychotherapist who meets monthly with her peers said most agree that, for them, the two most difficult disorders to treat are eating disorders and narcissism.) The failures of narcissists will always be subjected to “the spin,” and they will claim their failures are really successes…or will be very soon. And if all does not turn out the way they predicted, it is your fault and/or the fault of others. Certainly no failure could possibly have anything to do with them. The propensity to spin lies rather than seek truth will block any opportunity for Realization to happen.

If you spend time in private with narcissists, that savoir faire image that they display in public will be shown to be a phony act, but they will still take their public image to be real. You will be shocked at some point at the level of rage that they can occasionally display. (They use rage in the unnatural way that some persons use sex, actually feeling a sense of relief in the state of exhaustion that follows their outbursts and feeling a sense of release that comes after the sharp elevation, and subsequent sharp decrease, in levels of adrenaline.) Attachment to phoniness, to images, and to rage will always block Realization.

You will no longer even recognize the one who you thought you knew, and that has to be the case since the narcissist does not know Who/What He or She Truly Is either. It is all image. You will eventually begin to "walk on eggshells" in their presence in an effort to avoid triggering another outburst. Those around narcissists or in dependent relations with them (employee, spouse, etc.) take adaptive measures because narcissists are not likely to ever change; therefore, those who stay around them must adapt in order to survive, either figuratively or literally.

As a result, those dealing with narcissists can eventually become as far removed from reality and the True Self as the narcissists. You’ll fail to keep the peace you're trying to maintain, of course, since narcissists really hate the peace, deep inside. The power they have over you and others is their aphrodisiac, whether their power is in the form of economic power, religious power, spiritual power, psychological power, military power, sexual power, powers of manipulation or any other form that relative power might take. Attachment to power and to delusions of grandeur blocks Realization.

And it will do no good to discuss with friends or family what the narcissist is like behind closed doors. The public persona is too fixed in the minds of those who have seen the narcissist and who have observed the public image that is displayed. And the reason that the public image of the narcissist is so fixed in their minds is because it is so fixed in the mind of the narcissist who truly believes his/her own lies, who really thinks she/he is that image being displayed, who really thinks he/she is "good" and "right" and "moral"...always and in all ways. Narcissists have no motivation to seek a different understanding because they are convinced that their beliefs or ideas or concepts or perceptions are always right. In fact, because they are always right, there is no need for introspection. The last thing a narcissist would ever do would be to question himself/herself. They never have to consider whether they are "right or wrong"...it's a given that their way is the right way. You will be labeled the one with a problem…not them. Narcissists and their supporters are “good and right” and those with differing views are “evil and wrong.” Attachment to concepts rooted in duality will prevent Realization.

Entire cultures or nations have become embroiled in their narcissistic leaders’ ego-based illusions and have taken them to be “their reality” as well. What egomaniac does not want to hear a megalomaniac declare that his nation is the greatest? Who among the non-Realized does not want to hear that his team is the greatest, that his town is the greatest, or that his religion is "the right one"? If a narcissist hears an Advaitin speak of “illusions” and “false images” and “phoniness” and "dogma that amounts to nothing more than modern versions of ancient myths," those words will trigger a contemptuous reaction from narcissists who hate what they will dismiss as "lofty nonsense." In contrast, those who begin to awaken to any degree at all are more likely to seek "the path to truth" and a guide to lead them through the steps to Realization.

Relatedly, nothing invokes more hatred in a narcissist than one who suggests being rid of phony images. No attack is perceived as more threatening to narcissists than a suggestion that their image is bogus. They are convinced that they really are the images that they display with such style and aplomb, and those who see only the roles that narcissists display in public are just as convinced. The desire to play-act (and to create and sustain false roles) will always prevent Realization.

Popular opinions regarding many narcissists will include the belief that “anyone seen in public to be so 'good,' so confident, so caring, so loving, so generous and so strong cannot possibly be living out an illusion. They cannot possibly be phony because they appear too sincere and too real; they must be the genuine article.” If you can’t “get along with them” or if you "don’t go along with them," then you are surely the one who is warped and wrong. They are fun to be around in public and they often make others "feel good," so any who do not agree with them will be dismissed as being "jealous or confused or just plain wrong."

Narcissists are the actors who take the starring role in The Drama of the Lie, and everything they do or say is pre-scripted. Their original lines were written by their programmers during childhood. Now they constantly write and revise and modify their lines so that the stage characters that they are playing will be taken to be real by everyone in their audiences. On stage, they can appear to play an humble role, but they actually hate sharing the spotlight with anyone else. Everyone is supposed to be a member of their audience, applauding them so enthusiastically that their inner sense of worthlessness is transformed into a sense of grand value.

Narcissists constantly seek reassurance that their images are real, so they need the masses to buy into their phony images and show respect and admiration for those images. When that happens, narcissists take that as confirmation that their phony images are real. They need those constant assurances in order to suppress any occasional feelings that might try to rise from deep within that would say, "You're a fraud and a fake and a phony." While trying to show publicly how kind and caring they are, their message is that if they have to be sadistic and destructive, it is because others “asked for it” by not following orders given or advice offered or warnings proffered. Is it becoming clear why NPD blocks the "path" to Realization for narcissists? Is it becoming clear that they model for seekers everything that must be abandoned in order for Full Realization to happen? Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)

THE IRONY: Relative Concerns Can Interfere with Following the Path to Freedom from Relative Concerns

FROM A SITE VISITOR: Hello Floyd. My girlfriend and I have been studying Native American spirituality for several years now. She found your site when you were writing about how the Native Americans brought their philosophy from Asia and then we started reading about Adviata Vedanta. (We are going to watch the Wounded Knee movie on Sunday.) But here is the deal. Adviata Vedanta has really “grabbed” me--now just like what some Indains said blew my mind, what you have said is blowing my mind even more. I’m going to order some of your books to investigate more because it seems like what you’re saying is from some higher plane than what we have been reading for years. Beth has enjoyed what she read so far on your site but is not interested in studying anything but N.A. spirituality. We read about how different your grandmother and grandfather were and it did not cause a problem. Then I read what you wrote about relationship problems and the wife who has accepted all those different roles as identities and the problems that she is having in her relationship right now, so can one person follow Adviata and another person follow N.A. spirituality and still be happy together? Steven and Beth

F. Hello Steven. Thanks for your e-mail, it’s “Dear Abby” tone notwithstanding. If you re-read what you have written, you should see that it concerns neither Native American spirituality nor the Advaita Teachings. You asked no questions about either one. Your concerns are really about your relative issues. If you had understood the wisdom behind the words of the Native Americans who were quoted on the site earlier this month, along with the Advaita Teachings on this site, then you could never have written the words above. Why? Because the motivation was not about finding truth and Self or transcending spirituality. What your words reveal are certain fears about “loss”…about “losing Beth” if your “journey” takes you along a different "path."

You two have felt a connection as you have studied N.A. spirituality, but it has not led to an understanding of the “not two.” Nor has it led to an understanding that there is no “connection” but only the oneness beyond all perceived multiplicity.

As for offering advice about what you or she or both of you should or should not do in terms of the “path” to follow, this is not a site that offers advice about such personal issues. This is a site that exposes the fraudulent nature of personal issues. Recommendations about which readings would be appropriate to one considering the Advaita “path” will be offered at the end, but do not take that as advice about whether you should read those books or not. In the meantime, here are some pointers to take into the quiet that are relevant to what you have written in your e-mail:

First, you mention the wife (discussed in postings this past week) who assumed false identities, but your words revealed that you have not found the roles you’ve assumed. From My stance as the Pure Witness, you have no identity, but from your stance, you take yourself to be many things which you are not.

You are concerned about your body and mind issues. “Will Beth leave me if we don’t keep sharing our common interest in N.A. spirituality?” “Can I do what I am being led to do, or not”? “Since 'boyfriend' is dependent on 'girlfriend' for its existence, might I be destroyed if I take a different ‘path’?” Burdened with those body-mind-personality concerns, you will be blocked from knowing that you are limitless.

As for N.A. spirituality, or any other version of spirituality, you can learn thorough some readings that can be recommended that religion and/or spirituality are the third of seven steps to Full Enlightenment but are not the "final destination." The accumulating of spiritual knowledge that you two have been doing together has happened in your objective world, but that world is a mirage. Your world is illusion, so anything you learn in that world is illusory as well. The study of religion or spirituality is a necessary step, but it is not even the halfway point to Full Realization.

Whatever you think you have gained from your spiritual quest will eventually be irrelevant if you continue the “path” to the Full and Original Understanding. If you come to know that you were being lied to by everyone who has ever spoken of “steven” having been born, then you also know that all the things you have been told about spirituality and purpose and meaning were also lies.

As for “higher plane,” nothing in the Advaita Teachings or the N.A. spiritual teachings will raise you to a higher plane, but that point will not make sense until you understand What You Truly Are. There is no improvement or growth or development because there is no “one” to improve, grow, or develop. What comes from taking the "seven-step journey to Reality" is not a movement to a higher plane but is instead a re-purification of the consciousness that has been warped via programming and conditioning and enculturation.

Understand that anything written on this site and anything spoken by Native elders and anything you read from past Advaitin sages is hearsay. The effective teacher will guide you through the step-by-step process of removing the obstacles that are preventing you from knowing what you already know (but do not know that you know). That will happen after the consciousness is re-purified and you tap into the "inner guru" or the "inner resource."

As for “blowing your mind,” that’s the intent.

Now, you may take the pointers above into consideration, but more Advaita reading and instruction will be required for you to understand, should you determine to follow that "path." As for a suggested reading list, you can visit http://advaitaclasses.blogspot.com/ to find the order in which the readings should be undertaken. You can order the books at www.floydhenderson.com without having to enroll in the classes. Thx again for the writing. Please enter the silence of contemplation.
MUCH OF THE NATIVE AMERICAN WISDOM COLLECTED ON THE “JOURNEY” IS SHARED IN THE MEDITATION GUIDES (WHICH SOME SEEKERS READ STRAIGHT THROUGH RATHER THAN ON A DAILY BASIS). INTERESTED IN ORDERING BOTH AT A REDUCED RATE?

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EGO-STATES: “LOVE” OR “EGO,” BUT NOT BOTH (A Continuing Series on Ego-States), Part Five

FROM A SITE VISITOR: So the whole problem really begins with ego, right? Sam (PS Thanks for the blog site.)

F.: Taking into account all of the Advaitin pointers that have ever been offered, none is likely to be as despised by persons (by the non-Realized) as the pointer that “there is no continuity of body or mind or personality.” Ranking a close second is likely the pointer that, “If you have not Realized, then you have never loved; if you are only dealing with the non-Realized, you are not being loved.”

Those who would debate that point are the ones who really desire love or who fear not having love or who believe they really need love or who are convinced that no one could not love them. They do not understand “mutually exclusive.” If reason and logic are applied, it should be clear that one involved in self—that is, a person assuming any false role and taking the false self to be the True Self, will automatically be self-involved and self-absorbed.

One who is self-involved and self-absorbed will see “a world of others,” and all interaction with those “others” will only be to sustain one’s co-dependent or interdependent ego-states…one’s false self or false selves. That “world” of ego-states and egomania will always be devoid of love. Demanding sex every day might be taken as a sign that "he really loves me" and "he really wants me" and "I am securing my roles." The objective Advaitin witness can see that the only thing happening is that the ego-state of “The Lover” is being sustained for the husband. The savvy clinician will see that a sex addiction is being enabled...and nothing more.

Persons tout the benefits of "self-esteem"; that notwithstanding, to be self-involved and self-absorbed and in love with one’s false self/selves excludes any chance for the manifestation of unconditional love. The “search for love” among the non-Realized really involves nothing more than a desire to find an opposite-sex clone of self. The belief is, "Surely we will be compatible forever if we have the same thoughts, the same beliefs, the same behaviors and habits, the same desires, the same fears, etc.," as if persons are not in a constant state of flux and as if they "will always be the way they are now."

The non-Realized, being unaware of the unicity in which True Love is based, will claim that they are “in love” while actually being in love with a mirror image. They are only in love with self, and more specifically, they are only in love with their false ego-states while believing that they truly love those who support their false roles. “The Employee” loves the boss who allows that role to continue (especially if the job is high-paying) and hates the boss who fires her/him and destroys that role. “The Wife” claims to love the man who was her accomplice in forming and sustaining her false images.

That which is real is unchanging, so if love can turn to hate, it was not real to begin with.

The case study for this series is a woman whose husband claimed for years that he loved her but now “does not love her anymore.” After the beginning months or years of most marriages, a point is reached when it is declared that “the honeymoon is over.” What does that mean? It means that all of the images that were being shown or assumed during dating are eventually seen to be nothing more than misrepresentations. It means that the personality defects that were being covered up are now coming to light.

For those who are really asleep or in denial, being fooled (or fooling oneself) can go on for years. The woman going through a divorce claims that “up until now, he always loved me and I always loved him.” Objective witnesses who read the details of her account would conclude that other factors were involved which convinced her that love is compatible with being controlled by a self-absorbed and neglectful man who took the money she earned, who made her handle all projects and then attacked her over the results, who refused to discuss having children, who demanded sex every day for twenty years, who had a multi-year affair, and who is now leaving her for another woman after she played the role of “The Dutiful and Obedient and Accommodating Wife” for twenty years.

Some might conclude that she was more likely to have been in love with the idea of love or with the idea of “the two of you” or with the idea of their being “a couple.” Some might conclude that she enjoyed being seen about town with what she described as “the best-looking man in town” who bought “the biggest mansion in the city” where they “entertained lavishly.” Some would study her words and conclude that she was in love with something other than “him.” She knows the price they paid for their mansion to the penny, but she does not know the price she has paid by internalizing another person instead of finding her True Self.

Likely, for the first time in decades, she is in a position to finally be true to her Self rather than playing the role of “His Wife” (“his” meaning literally, “the wife possessed by him”). She is in a position to stop playing her false roles of “The Wife” and “The Opposite-Sex Clone of a Man” and “The Provider of Daily Sex.” She thinks he is leaving her, but the fact is that he was never "with" her. She thinks she is dying now, but she has been "dead" for years (meaning, dead to her True Self).

The relevant Advaita pointer has been offered earlier:

The belief by persons that their various roles actually define who they are becomes entrenched. Then, if personas feel that they are being hurt, challenged, interfered with, or threatened, most persons become willing to fight to preserve that which is nothing more than an image. Many have fought to the (relative) death to preserve the false personality that their “minds” have convinced them is who they actually are.

With her threats to kill herself, the woman is “entrenched” in the roles of “Wife,” “Socialite,” “Co-Owner of a Mansion,” “The Woman Enhanced by Being with a Handsome Man,” “The Woman Who Will Always Be Secure, Having Married the Rich Man,” ad infinitum. With those ego-states now being “threatened,” she is ready to fight to the death. In this case, the fight to the death involves her own relative death because she is convinced that if she cannot continue to play her false roles in “The Drama of the Lie,” that ending the manifestation of the consciousness is the only viable alternative available.

Consider how much suffering persons experience as 50-60% who marry will have to face the lost of their assumed identities and will have to deal with the emotional intoxication that happens when the loss of so many identities strikes at once.

If only all false identities were discarded on one’s own timetable instead of a timetable imposed by a co-dependent sustainer of one’s ego-states. If only the ego-states were discarded while visiting with a teacher/guide under calm and rational circumstances. Then, all of the trauma of having identities snatched away could be avoided by having given them up voluntarily. “The Fearful Employee” can disappear though the job can continue. “The Dutiful, Obedient, Accommodating Wife” could disappear though the marriage could continue (the indication for intensive counseling notwithstanding).

The difference is this: the Realized can still feel what they feel without becoming “robotic,” as some charge. Feelings are witnessed as they rise and fall, but the Realized are free of the assumption of false identities that drive persons to think that the loss of a culturally-assigned label is grounds for suicide. Realization, which allows for AS IF living, is a pre-emptive strike against that which will eventually strike all persons absorbed in ego-states. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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EGO-STATES: Either The Invisible Drivers or The Former Hijackers or The Eventual Destroyers, Part Three

FROM A SITE VISITOR: So the whole problem really begins with ego, right? Sam (PS Thanks for the blog site.)

F.: The three most common possibilities, once an ego-state has been assumed, are (1) to allow it to unconsciously drive one through life, (2) to witness the ego-state that has hijacked you and discard it as an identity in order to be free or (3) to be willing to fight for the false identity and to either be destructive toward others (relatively speaking) or to eventually allow it to destroy you (relatively speaking). The false self always becomes intolerable, whether to those dealing with the one trapped in ego, to the one trapped in ego, or to both.

Persons become self-destructive when they are removed from knowing Who/What They Truly Are and when they are suffering as a result of being driven by the false self. Many often go with “Destruction Option #1” and literally try to destroy the self by suicide. Other persons go with "Destruction Option #2" and try to destroy the one thought to be attacking their false self. The third, less violent approach is to be rid of the identification with the ego-state (which is the Advaita approach) whereby the false self or selves are forfeited by the non-violent means of seeing all that you are not and then finding the True Self and knowing Who/What You Truly Are.

In the earlier example of a marriage that is ending, see how “Destruction Option #1” is manifesting as suicide is being threatened. Further, as pointed out in earlier posts, 59% of all women murdered in the U.S., and 41% of all men, are killed during the breakup of a relationship. (Consider: on average, more than 50% of all murders in the U.S. do not involve “dangerous strangers” but involve persons who have said “I love you” repeatedly.) In the U.S. and many other countries as well, the adoption of this one, single ego-state results in widespread murder and/or suicide.

The impact of a collapsing marriage is further exacerbated by the fact that persons, always in denial, are so shocked when that which will only happen to others happens to them. (The belief that it will only happen to others is based in the false image that each has formed of a partner and the false images that each partner is showing to the other.) With a divorce rate in the U.S. that has remained well above 50% for decades, the statistics show, and the facts are, that most who marry nowadays will go through a divorce. The discarding of all ego-states prior to facing that eventuality could reduce the national suicide-murder rate significantly.

Studies vary but show that 20-40% of all persons who go through a divorce will contemplate suicide, that the suicide rate among divorcing men is twice the national average, and that the suicide rate among divorcing men is 400% higher than among women. Though the statistics deal only with the relative existence, the fact is that assumption of ego-states can kill, yet persons who assume an ego-state to be a definition of who they are will have no willingness at all to forfeit that false identity. Hence, the low rate of Realization and the high rate of murder/suicide.

Why else does such destruction happen, in addition to the codependency and interdependency mentioned earlier? When one has assumed a false identity and is then forced to face the fact that the identity is false, then the “death of an ego-state” will feel so real that a person/persona will actually believe that it is she/he (and not just a role) that is dying. A man will truly take the least threatening posture in nature (namely, a woman walking away from him) as the most threatening posture in nature. That is why Advaita offers so many pointers aimed at seeing how body-mind-personality identification will guarantee distorted thinking and will prevent all logic and reason from manifesting.

The end of an ego-state can generate suffering to a degree that is so intense that persons often opt to end the body and mind and personality that have sustained the false identity by ending the manifestation of the consciousness. Realization would prevent the degree of emotional intoxication that surrounds the end of any ego-state. And again, the role-playing and the false images in a marriage can end without the marriage ending. The result could be quite liberating.

Next, Advaita's forewarnings about being driven by desires and fears are even most relevant when ego-states are ending. The clinging to false identities and beliefs and perceptions and images is always driven by desire or fear or both, and all desire and all fear will generate relative existence misery. If you understand the connection between (a) desires and fears and (b) ego-state assumption and (c) destructive conduct in the relative existence and (d) the fact that an ego-state can drive persons to shift almost instantly from the “I love you mode” to the “I have the right to kill you mode,” then you will understand why no more than 5% will ever likely Realize Fully. Here are the reasons why most will not Realize and why (among other factors) they will not be able to conduct themselves in a reasonable and logical and sane fashion in their “relationships”:

persons (the non-Realized) are driven by desires and fears; and

most persons desire (above all else and at any cost) to be loved; and

no two persons will ever define love in the same way; and

persons have expectations about how people who “love” them should behave; and

persons' ideas about what constitutes love will always vary from one person to the next; and

those ideas will assure variances in the expectations that personas have about the “right way to behave, if you love me”; and

expectations, which will never be met in the precise way desired, will always lead to disagreement and fighting; and

so many persons fear not finding love (or fear finding love and then losing it); or

so many persons find love and are certain they shall have it forever (in spite of statistics to the contrary) only to discover—like the woman in the story earlier—that they did not really have at all what they thought they had; and

persons are like the woman in the scenario earlier, trapped in her body-mind-persona and willing to do almost anything to preserve a false identity that is taken to be real; and

persons prefer to deny that the image presented by someone (and/or the image they have formulated in their “minds” of someone) is not real; and

persons prefer their status quo rather than to having to face “the loss of status”; and

persons are so convinced that the roles which they are playing are truly who they are that they will prefer to live a lie rather than seek the truth.

Therefore, most—as a result of their desires and fears and expectations—will never witness objectively. They will not see the lies that they are living unless forced to admit the truth. Even then, denial will usually dominate their every thought. Now, to "you":

1. Are you currently assuming an identity that you are "certain" will never end?

2. Are you "sure" that you will be exempt from ever having to try to process the loss of a role in a sane and resonable fashion so that you do not fall into the trap of emotional intoxication that accompanies the end of an ego-state?

3. Are you certain that there are no false identities that could be discarded right now?

4. Are you positive that there are no ego-states that are driving you or that are inspiring destructive tendencies (relatively speaking), or...

...have you witnessed every former ego-states that had been hijacking you and then gotten free of being influenced or driven by any false identity? The witnessing of all of the ego-states being assumed, and then seeing that they are false, is a starting point for the Advaita "journey" to Full Realization. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)

EGO-STATES: Either The Invisible Drivers or The Former Hijackers or The Eventual Destroyers, Part One

FROM A SITE VISITOR: So the whole problem really begins with ego, right? Sam (PS Thanks for the blog site.)

F.: Hello, Sam. On the simpliest level, that’s a valid conclusion. As indicated in the title FROM THE I TO THE ABSOLUTE (a Seven-Step Journey to Reality), the Advaita “path” is really a “journey” that moves one away from identifying with the (false) “I” to abiding as the Absolute.

Once the body is taken to be the core identity, and once the “mind” has been distorted via programming and conditioning and enculturation, then the foundation has been laid...the foundation on which all personas will be built. After that, ego-states become the invisible force that drives all thought and conduct, and that results in a loss of any ability to choose. (If you are in a car and being driven, then you are in the passenger seat, the back seat, or the trunk, but you are not behind the steering wheel. One being driven has no ability to determine what the car does or where it goes. So it is when persons are driven by the agendas of their ego-states.)

“Ego” in Latin means “I,” and refers to the false identities (or roles or false selves or images or characters or shadow selves or personas) that are assigned and assumed and that are supported by ego-defense mechanisms once they are taken to be “Who I Am.” The ego-states can be recognized since they always follow the phrase “I am”: “I am a boy/girl”; “I am a lover”; “I am a wife/husband.” Once an ego-state is assumed, it immediately self-promotes itself to super status: "I am a Super Husband" or "I am a Super Wife" (and therefore deserve super, special treatment). Some of the ego-defense mechanisms that persons employ to try to sustain their false image(s) include: rationalization, projection, displacement, denial, intellectualization, repression, sublimation, and suppression.

The Advaitin practice of focusing on the “I AM” only is an invitation to ignore those false identities by breaking the habit of following the I AM with a litany of labels that your culture (or other cultures) have dreamed up. It is a means by which those traversing the first three steps of the “path” can begin to abandon the habit of constantly defining and re-defining who they think they are by using the labeling tools of their culture. Why abandon ego-states? Because they become the invisible driver in your relative existence, because they will become a hijacker and will hold you captive, and because they are the source of all destruction in the relative existence, including self-destruction.

The assumption of ego-states is at the root of all relative existence problems. Mentioned yesterday, one woman has defined herself with the limiting identity of “wife” (in fact, “The Super Dutiful Wife”) for twenty years. She gave her consent for her story to be shared, so it follows as an example of what can happen when ego-states are finally exposed and then trigger a desire to self-destruct:

“My husband is leaving me after 20 years. We never had children because he didn’t want them; he made me take charge of projects he wanted done but then raged when the bills for those projects came in; we have both held jobs throughout the entire marriage but he took both checks and controlled how the money was spent. He wanted sex nearly every day for 20 years, and so we had sex nearly every day.

“Friends said his talk about how ‘men like to trade up when they get in their forties and find a younger woman’ showed he was capable of doing exactly that. They made me furious when they said that. Friends and family said he probably had a companion on his frequent out-of-town trips when he made excuses about why I couldn’t go along. When he got an apartment in addition to our house so he could have ‘a quiet place to go to relax,’ friends said I should check that out, but I trusted him and I guess I didn’t really want to find out anything different from the way I thought things were.

“Then, a few weeks ago he said he wanted a divorce and I should ‘handle it and move on like he’s moving on.’ Now, people who knew both of us have told me that he’s been having an affair for years. Up until recently he’s always been a loving, faithful, caring spouse and I was always sure he would honor his vows and me forever, so I think he’s just not himself right now and will come to his senses and return. If he doesn’t, I will kill myself.” (She was advised to seek immediate professional help, and she is now seeing a therapist.)

To see how all reason and logic is abandoned when a false identity is assumed, around marriage for example, this example was offered in December of 2005:

A document (such as a marriage license) can inspire a false belief that a dependent role can define who you are. How grand is the lie? Take the fictional Thomas Smith as an example. He married Jane Jones and a man in a robe told her that she was now Mrs. Thomas Smith. She assumed that new identity and all the fears and expectations and desires that came with it. But her fears were realized when Thomas left her for Mary Martin. In a court, a man in a robe told Jane Jones/Mrs. Thomas Smith that she was no longer Mrs. Thomas Smith but could once again be Miss Jane Jones; shortly after that event, another man in a robe told Mary Martin that she was Mrs. Thomas Smith.

She assumed that new identity and all the fears and expectations and desires that came with it. But her fears were realized when Thomas left her for Patty Prentiss. In a court, a man in a robe told Mary Martin/Mrs. Thomas Smith that she was no longer Mrs. Thomas Smith but could once again be Miss Mary Martin; shortly after that event, another man in a robe told Patty Prentiss that she was Mrs. Thomas Smith.

Do you see the insanity of assuming identities? "Mrs. Thomas Smith" was a role assumed by three different persons, and all three really believed that they were who and what their culture told them that they were. But the culture told three different persons that they were the same person. In the remote past, Jane was Mrs. Thomas Smith; in the past Mary was Mrs. Thomas Smith; in the present, Patty is Mrs. Thomas Smith. One can guess that in the future, Patty will not be Mrs. Thomas Smith.

From this example, isn’t it clear that any assumption of any persona as a real identity is an insane case of mistaken, false identity? Are you assuming any false identities as real identities? Are you unconsciously listening to all the persons in your culture who haven't a clue as to Who They Truly Are while unconsciously allowing them to tell you who or what you are? Then you'll also unconsciously accept all the fears and desires and expectations that come with roles and that guarantee misery in the relative existence.

It is no wonder that so many persons reach a point where they admit, “I don’t even know who I am anymore.” Tomorrow, the destructive force of ego-states will be discussed via the example above in which a woman who has said “I am a wife” for two decades now faces the reality of having to declare, “I am not a wife.” As a result, she has threatened to kill herself (meaning, the “not wife” is sensing the “loss” of a false self, is feeling that a real self is dying, and is ready to avoid having to process the imaginary demise of a culturally-assigned identity by killing herself). If only she had made that “not wife” declaration decades ago and had found her True Self, then all of the “wife-type happenings” could have continued without the limiting, false identification with a role that has now triggered a desire to self-destruct.

How about you? Are you aware of the fact that all of your anger or emotional intoxication or hurt is rooted in an ego-state? Are you aware that each ego-state prizes above all else it's sense of self-worth and will fight to the death to sustain that false self that desires to be seen as being worthy and valuable and wonderful? When was the last time that "you" became upset? Can you identify which ego-state felt hurt or interfered with or threatened in that incident? Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)

THE “ADVAITA ADVANTAGE”: For Those Who Are Convinced That They Will Never Realize Fully

FROM A SITE VISITOR: I can’t get it. I’ve tried and tried, and I can’t get it. I’ve wasted years in my study of AV, for all I’ve got to show. Anonymous

F.: Dear Anonymous,

First, it sounds as if you have read some of the advanced Teachings without having mastered the basics. That will always prove to be discouraging and even frustrating. (A solution will be offered at the end of the post should you decide not to abandon your seeking.)

Meanwhile, thanks for writing since your e-mail will cause a sharing on the site of some pointers that have only been offered before in a few one-on-one sessions with some seekers who felt just as frustrated as you. This posting is only for those who have truly sought, who “haven’t got it, yet” and who believe that they likely never will:

To the Fully Realized, it becomes clear on a certain level that You Have Always Been That Which you sought. It becomes clear on another level that there is no “one” to gain and no “one” to lose. At another level, Consciousness/Awareness, The Absolute, the beingness, the non-beingness, and the functioning of the totality are understood completely. Yet you are not at any of those points on the “path.”

Too, only 5% at best are ever likely to Realize Fully. That does not mean, however, that your study of Advaita Vedanta has all been a “waste.” Such need not be the case, relatively speaking. Can the terms “Applied Advaita” or “Advaita Advantage” have any applicability in the relative? The answer is resoundingly, “Yes.” How can that be, if there is no “experiencer” and no “applier” and no “do-er” and no “one” to “gain” any advantage?

Here is how: if you never realize Who or What You Truly Are, the freedom and joy and happiness that most persons seek can manifest to some degree if you at least find out WHO you are not. And if you find out WHO you are not, some freedom will come to you and then to all others persons who have to deal with you in the relative existence. They too will experience some additional degree of joy and happiness as well.

Why? Because all suffering in the relative existence is generated by persons who do not know WHO they are not. To not know that you are not the roles you play will assure that you will take those roles as identities, will guarantee that you will dedicate yourself to sustaining your ego-states, will guarantee that ego-defense mechanisms will become your tools of trade, and will assure that egotism (and the separation it causes) will mark every phase of your relative existence. Look at the widespread effects of ego in the history of the planet as well as now:

EGO HAS HAD A GLOBAL IMPACT
For example, if one believes that he/she really is the role being played of “God’s Agent” (a.k.a. “Super Agent of God”), then the following types of beliefs will follow:

“We have the right to conduct an inquisition and torture and kill the unfaithful,” or
“We good Lutherans have the right to kill 12,000,000 of the bad Jews and homosexuals and handicapped people,” or
“We are better than you so we have the right to take this land from you and to form a Christian nation and to kill 150,000,000 of you non-Christians in the process,” or
“We good Muslims have the right to kill you bad Christians because you’re infidels,” or
“I talked to God and he told me to bomb them,” or
“We were guided by God to fly airplanes into your buildings.”

EGO HAS HAD A NATIONAL IMPACT
In such cases where leaders have national influence, people can form a nation and say that “All are created equal…except women and blacks,” and
Some can say, “Ownership of another person is OK” while others can claim “It is not,” and then a civil war can erupt, and
Some can believe that their nation on the African continent has the right to kill those living in adjacent nations, and
Some can claim that they have the right to kill others in their nation who belong to a different religious sect from theirs.

EGO HAS HAD A LOCAL IMPACT
If one believes that he/she is “Spouse” (a.k.a. “Super Spouse”) or “Boss” (a.k.a. “Super Boss”) or “The Authority” (a.k.a. “Super Authority”), then words such as “How dare you speak to me that way! I must be shown respect!” will be spoken; then, conflict and suffering will follow adoption of those ego-states which will conclude that “She/he is not good enough for me” or “I am entitled to be honored and cared for.”

Again, all suffering in the relative existence is generated by persons who do not know WHO they are not. If students of the Advaita philosophy never understand anything other than what they are not, then they could abandon the ego-states that they think define who they are. And if persons were to abandon the ego-states that they think define who they are, then the use of ego-defense mechanisms would end. And if egotism were to end, so would most of the international, national, and “relational” problems that mar the relative existence. If persons were to fully complete only the first three of the seven steps to Realization, they would be free of fears about their bodies and free of body desires that drive so much insane-like behavior on the planet.

They would be free of the insane-like thoughts and behaviors that are generated from the influence of their “minds,” which are nothing more than the repository of outlandish lies and warped beliefs and dreamed up concepts and insane ideas; they would be free of being driven by illusory identities and personality disorders; and they would forfeit the last two personas to be forfeited on the "journey," namely, “The Super Religious One” and/or “The Spiritual Giant.”

The ego is always about separation. The ego always imagines a hierarchy or pecking order with itself at the top. The ego can never be satisfied. The ego will always generate imagined divisions and imagined insults and imagined slights and imagined causes for attack or retaliation. Ego is always about going and doing and zooming and making noise, so ego and peace can never coincide.

So, Anonymous, you are invited to revisit the Advaita Teachings and determine if you might be able to at least transcend body-mind-personality identification, even if you never move any farther along the “path.” That much freedom from ego-states and ego can only have a positive impact on you and on persons having to deal with you, relatively speaking. It was mentioned earlier that you might have read some of the advanced Teachings without having mastered the basics. If you realize that you need one-on-one instruction with a teacher to lay that foundation, you might consider at least doing “Level One” of the course offerings (at www.advaitaclasses.blogspot.com). If you lay that foundation which you have missed so far, then you might find at some point that Full Realization is attainable as well. Please enter the silence of contemplation.

LIVING IN THE STYLE OF A REALIZED TEACHER, OR A HERON, OR A DEER, Part Two

FROM A SITE VISITOR: I have read what you have written about the mind and have pre-ordered your book on the mind, but another teacher talks about using the “working mind” and not the “thinking mind.” Will your book clarify (or maybe reconcile) what the two of you are teachings? Andi

F.: Over the years, many seekers have challenged the plausibility of the “try living more like the deer” pointer that was discussed in yesterday’s post. One site visitor wrote, “I have a class of twenty-two second graders that I’m responsible for. That includes teaching them what they have to know for the state test, disciplining them, chaperoning them to lunch, getting the sick ones out of the room and to the school nurse, dealing with their principals and counselors, making tests, grading tests, planning lessons, and conferencing with parents. Tell me how I’m supposed to live as peacefully as a deer in the woods.”

No problem, though the answer is longer than can be offered in a few daily postings. (There are some sources below that offer the full explanation with directions for transitioning each of the seven stages to Full Realization, but some pointers will be offered here. For now, let it be noted that you could live as freely as the deer if you were to Realize Fully and thereby begin the process of de-accumulation.)

What is obvious from the e-mail above is a level of stress that is typical among teachers who are heading into the last month of the U.S. school year after being with the same set of children since August. Sometimes, the stress level even starts out that high in August and stays that way all year. So how could you live more in the style of a deer and avoid that stress? First, by Realizing Fully. Should that happen, you will no longer be “The Teacher” (which is usually self-promoted to “The Super Teacher,” an ego-state which co-dependently requires “Super Students” for “The Super Teacher’s” happiness and, indeed, very survival. Stay in that mode and you will never be happy and stress-free because you will never consistently have Super Students that are more concerned with assuring your happiness than with their own interests and agendas).

However, if you were to Realize who/what you are not (namely “The Teacher” or "The Super Teacher") and Realize THAT Which You Truly Are, then even as you are no longer “The Teacher”…

1. …teaching can still happen;

2. …being paid after teaching happens can still continue;

3. …all of the job tasks that you catalogued above can still happen;

4. …and it can all take place even as an AS IF style of living that is as peaceful as that of a deer also happens.

How can that be? Here’s the way it has been explained before:

When the role of “The Teacher” is accepted as an identity, then egomania immediately promotes that persona to “The Super Teacher.” And what does “The Super Teacher” think that it must have in order to exist? (1) Super lessons that are being sought wholeheartedly by (2) “Super Students.” And when students were not doing what “The Super Students” were expected to do, then “The Super Teacher” felt as if he/she were dying and began to fight for his/her life by attacking “the not-super-students” who weren’t paying attention.

[Such attacks come as often from “The Super Spouse” who is not getting the respect desired, from “The Super Performer” who is not getting the attention that is wanted, or from “The Super Employer” whose employees are not paying adequate attention or “doing” what “Super Employees” are expected to do.]

When that ego-state of “The Teacher” dissolves (post-Realization), a shift results after the understanding becomes, “Teaching might happen today…or not.” (That simply means that no ego-state is attached to outcome or bent on controlling things that are beyond control or ready and willing to fight in order to maintain a false image.) No role and no do-er is fighting for its imagined life any longer. A shift in perspective happens as mere witnessing begins. Truth is differentiated from the false. Emotional intoxication ends. When the illusion of do-er disappears, then the witness begins to merely observe what happens…or not. Peace manifests alongside that process.

To forfeit the illusion of a do-er with power and control allows You to sit back, to relax, and to take it easy while witnessing all of the insane conduct of personas (embroiled in their “going and doing and zooming”). The witness will not be caught up in their chaos and will not be pulled under by the relative existence maelstroms that the egotism of personas always generates.

And that is the way that you can live as peacefully as the deer and still meet your basic food, clothing and shelter requirements. This is not theory but is a report of actual experience. Yet you can never be at peace and ease if meeting the basic requirements is not the goal. If the goal is to have the highest standard of food, the highest standard of clothing, and the highest standard of housing, then you cannot live as the deer lives. The deer is ego-less, so less is just fine.

Thus, to move to a fashion of living that is marked by even higher levels of peace, many have followed the suggestion offered yesterday: they have down-sized or de-accumulated after asking such questions as: "Do I have a house that is larger than required?" and "Do I own my house or does my house own me?" and "Could the next car purchase involve a smaller or less expensive vehicle or not?" and "Have I ever figured the exact cost of ego, in dollars or euros or rupees or pounds sterling, as relates to every purchase I have ever made?" and "Have I made any effort to be free of the effects of having been programmed to believe that 'more is better' and actually considered the possibility that my relative existence might be improved with less?" When a deer has a more peaceful lifestyle than you, and when you see that a deer is a minimalist that could hardly have less, then the wise also see the correlation.

The deer does not accumulate, does not race through its days or nights, does not prefer noise to the quiet, does not adopt false identities, does not overeat or do anything to excess out of boredom or nervousness; and does not adopt an agenda of other animals in the forest and act like something that it is not. For you, less "stuff" could mean less maintenance; smaller "stuff" could mean less upkeep expense; less cost could mean sooner freedom from bills; less noise will guarantee more quiet and peace if schedules are adjusted to include at least some quiet time each day; going and doing and zooming could be less necessary if the illusions of self gave way to an awareness of Self; and freedom of speech could become less touted when freedom from speech becomes valued.

You can live as freely as the deer if you follow the steps that can result in Realization and in de-accumulation (which always follows Realization). And, again, that is not theory. Everything mentioned above is an account of actual experience. Please enter the silence of contemplation.

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