WHEN THE EARLIEST DUALITIES PLAGUE THE RELATIVE EXISTENCE OF ADULT-AGED PERSONS, Part Three

F.: [Continued from yesterday]: From entrapment in ego-states, and the egotism that they generate and the desire to accumulate that they inspire, it is a short leap from, “I love my wife” to “but she’s not enough…does not give me enough.” It is a short leap from “At one point I loved my husband,” to “but he has never honored me enough so now I hate him.”

The additional trap is this: all ego-states are rooted in co-dependency: employee cannot exist without employer; husband cannot exist without spouse; lover cannot exist without a lover; and “The Super Lover” cannot exist with multiple lovers. All co-dependency, in turn, robs one of freedom and thus generates a plethora of fears and desires and misery.

The planet-wide result of being programmed early on to believe in dualities is that billions of adult-aged humans behave as if they were children, trapped in “The Child” role as they are; thinking in their magical ways; believing that their dogma and other supernatural tales which are based in ancient myths are true; and speaking and acting in ways that reveal their disdain for logic and reason.

Yesterday, one example was offered of the way that the dualities of “good vs. bad” and “reward vs. punishment” and “want vs. don’t want,” programmed into children at an early age, can drive the thoughts and words and deeds of persons throughout their adulthood years.

Another example presented itself last week which illustrates the pointer as well. Prior to the last seminar, one employee was not going to be able to attend because it was being offered during his vacation. He had already been excused from attendance, but he was driven by “The Child” persona to write an e-mail to his supervisor.

That letter contained nearly two pages of examples of the good work he has done in the past. The lengthy exposé reminded the supervisor that he is a good employee, one of the best in fact, and deserves reward and certainly should not be punished for missing the seminar.

Rather than functioning as an adult, the content of his letter revealed that he is dominated by “The Child” who wants the “good” label and wants to avoid the “bad” label. His letter included assertions such as…

“I am a good employee. I’m not sure you know how good I am” (an upgrade on the dualistic illusion that I am a good boy). The content really said, “Please like me even if I don’t attend. Please continue to reward me in the future. Show me that you accept me…that you care…that you appreciate me just as I am. Say something that takes away my fears that you might think I’m not good enough.” It continued:

“I usually attend all training sessions and I volunteer for extra work and assignments with this company” (which really affirms again, I want you to see that I am a good boy.) Then, childishly, he suggested the dates be changed, though the timing worked well for several dozen employees and supervisors and had been arranged for weeks.

There was a letter that never needed to be written, his having been told already that he was excused. Realized, he would have enjoyed his time off; trapped in the ego-state of “The Child” (a setup from childhood programming and conditioning) he is instead driven by a fear of being punished; a desire to be seen as good; his wanting to receive rewards; a desire to get what he wants when he wants it; and his not wanting to be punished.

All those thoughts and words are derived from his having been trained to believe in duality, especially with the notions that “I am not enough, I am not good enough, and as a result I will never have enough, so I must accumulate in all areas.”

That setup drives persons throughout childhood, and then throughout adulthood, to try constantly to “sell or promote themselves”; to work at creating and maintaining a “positive image”; and to engage in a constant effort to market themselves as one who is not merely good but who is really good.

What about you? Have you been driven to try to sell or promote yourself? Have you been driven to work at creating and maintaining a “positive image”? Have you been driven to engage in a constant effort to market yourself as one who is not merely good but who is really good? Has your relative existence been marked by one disappointment after another when people did not buy into all that? Have you suffered because you are dependent on what (unawake and unaware) persons think of you? What an exhausting relative existence all that work and effort and engagement produces.

How impossible it becomes to relax and take it easy when being blindly driven by programming and conditioning from childhood. How impossible it is to enjoy any existence that is dominated by dualistic thoughts, dualistic words, and duality-inspired behavior. If you have not already, might You now be ready to take the steps that result is the casting aside of all beliefs and concepts?

Do you see that the continued belief in “their” concepts will guarantee the continuation of fluctuations and instability that produce periods of chaos as well as periods of harmony? Periods of “up’s” as well as periods of “down’s”; periods of behaving sanely as well as periods of acting like an immature child; and periods of happiness as well as periods of misery? Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)

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WHEN THE EARLIEST DUALITIES PLAGUE THE RELATIVE EXISTENCE OF ADULT-AGED PERSONS, Part One

F.: A corporation with an owner who is traveling the path toward Realization has booked a seminar at the end of November and another in mid-December. The seminars will focus on guiding the members of his staff to end all identification with “The Child” ego-state and “The Parent” ego-state in order to allow “adult-level functioning” to manifest in the workplace.

The conditions that exist there—and in almost every business and home on earth—are marked by the continuing belief by adults in the dualities that they were taught as children. Those dualistic beliefs dominate the thoughts and words of adult-aged persons and perpetuate childish behavior among most of the adult-aged persons on the planet.

The first duality that most children hear is the “No!” vs. “Yes” pairing. Very few instances of hearing “No!” are required in order to program and condition a child, especially if the “No” is ignored by the child and if punishment follows.

The second duality soon manifests: children experience “desire” while trying to avoid or process “fear,” leading to the third duality of “wanting vs. not wanting.” They experience a fourth duality, namely, the desire to "gain" or to be "rewarded" vs. the desire to avoid “loss” or “punishment.” Ultimately, they are programmed with the message that all of the above is dependent on their being “good” and not being “bad.”

By that point, a belief in the five earliest dualities is in place, and those five dualistic pairs will dominate and control the entire relative existence of most persons. They will lose all ability to make independent choices while believing that they are choosing what they think and say and do.

Eventually, those persons who were programmed and conditioned with dualistic teachings as children become obsessive adults, behaving compulsively in their efforts to do all required to always hear “Yes” and to never hear “No”; becoming fanatical in their efforts to have all of their desires met while wanting to avoid all that they fear; and being fixated in their efforts to accumulate all that they “want” and to avoid everything that they “don’t want.”

However, since the relative existence is an existence of inevitable change, the stage is set for happiness to happen when “Yes” is heard but for disappointment and/or anger and/or misery to happen when “No” is heard. The stage is set for happiness to happen when desires are met but for disappointment and/or anger and/or misery to happen when that which is feared comes about.

The stage is set for happiness to happen when the message that one is “good” is received but for disappointment and/or anger and/or misery to happen when the message that one is “bad” is received. The stage is set for happiness to happen when a supposed “reward” is gained but for disappointment and/or anger and/or misery to happen when “loss” or “punishment” comes about.

And the stage on which all of that is being played out is a stage in “The Theater of the Lie” where the “The Play of the Personas” is acted out with daily performances that are completely childish, no matter the age of the actors.

On that stage, periods of happiness and misery are inevitable since that play is a play of every-changing mirages and illusions, of believing lies and then seeing a flash of reality, of thinking you knew “the character of someone,” only to find out you didn’t have the slightest clue about what was really behind the mask.

The relative is marked by change and volatility, yet persons erroneously believe that stability and continuity can happen in a relative existence (and in a post-relative existence as well).

When happenings fluctuate between what persons take to be happy events vs. what they consider to be disappointing or anger-inspiring or misery-producing events, the latter events trigger dualistically “negative” memories that date back to the earliest years of childhood.

At that point, “The Child” persona is triggered and, no matter the age of an adult, childish thoughts will manifest, childish words will be employed, and childish conduct will follow.

Thus, another Advaita pointer is affirmed by observable example: that which makes you happy will eventually make you miserable, and that which makes you most happy will eventually make you most miserable. As an exercise that might reveal the impact of such dualities on your existence so far, list all the things that once “made you happy” but that eventually “made you miserable.”

List also the instances when someone has told you “No” and then describe the emotional reactions that followed; the instances when you felt you “lost” something, and the emotional intoxication that followed; the instances when punishments or consequences happened and the emotions that followed; the instances when you got something you wanted and the emotions around that; and, finally, the instances when you did not get what you wanted and the emotional intoxication that followed.

If you are able to touch the degree to which belief in dualities has marred your relative existence, then you might understand why the Advaitin teacher will suggest that all misery and suffering and chaos is rooted in the belief in duality.

If you accept the accuracy of that pointer, then you might be inspired to complete the entire "journey" to Full Realization...a "journey" which (if completed) can strip away your belief in dualities and thereby end the suffering and misery and chaos that are rooted in childish, childhood teachings. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)

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PARENT-CHILD EGO-STATES, Part Four

F.: Here’s an exercise that can be used to determine if “The Parent” and/or “The Child” are showing up in your relative existence:

Determine which of these are happening:

· Sometimes I am driven at work or at home to play “The Parent” role when I want to…

· control
· criticize
· judge
· evaluate
· talk down to
· scold others

Sometimes “The Child” shows up when I want to…

· express anger
· be spoiled
· receive attention
· refuse to look at my own shortcomings
· throw tantrums rather than remain calm and relaxed
· express righteous indignation over the way I have been treated or slighted

· Sometimes, “The Child” appears and complains when it has not received the level of attention it thinks it deserves

· Sometimes “The Parent” becomes engaged if it senses that it’s not being shown proper respect

· Sometimes, I play “The Parent” role, trying to exert control, and that creates problems in my personal relationships

Sometimes, “The Parent” role shows up when I’d like to…

· direct traffic
· correct others
· demand perfection from others
· change the world

· I can see that “The Parent” sometimes shows up when I replay parent or authority figure “recordings” from my childhood (or when I play tapes being recorded now as I still allow authority figures to influence thoughts, words, and deeds)

· I can see “The Child” sometimes shows up when I don’t get my way and get angry

· I can see “The Parent” sometimes shows up when I become angry if people challenge me or “talk back”

· I can see that “The Child” sometimes shows up when I do not question the content of early tapes

· Sometimes, “The Child” shows up when I take the content of those tapes as “truth,” even if evidence to the contrary arises

· I understand that as “The Child,” I made recordings about things that bothered me and that now, if some emotional trauma or hurt or slight or pain shows up, those old tapes start playing again and I immediately revert to “The Child” and experience the same emotional feelings and reactions that I experienced as a child

· I can see that, when that happens, I sometimes experience emotional intoxication and will react in a childish fashion

· Sometimes, “The Child” shows up when I do things that are not in the best interest of my health

· Sometimes, “The Child’s” tendency to be dependent prevents me from being totally free

· Sometimes, “The Child” shows up because, even if I gave up certain dependencies, I have now substituted new dependencies in their place

· Sometimes “The Parent” shows up in a desire for power and control

· Sometimes, I’ll let people put me into a “Child” role if it I think it will provide an easier way for me, allowing others to meet my financial needs or to provide what I think I am entitled to

· Sometimes, I’ll let people force me into a “Child” role if I think it will get me something I want from them

· Sometimes “The Child” shows up as a result of being frustrated by not having power or control

· Sometimes, “The Child” shows up when I reject financial sanity and refuse to live within a budget

· Sometimes, “The Child” shows up when I don’t want to exercise

· Sometimes, “The Parent” shows up when I want to exert all necessary force in order to try to control

· Sometimes “The Child” shows up because I accept being treated like a child when someone comes at me as "The Parent" (instead of shifting to “The Adult”)

· Sometimes I see that much of what I think and say and do is just a replaying of “Parent tapes”

· Sometimes I see that much of what I think and say and do is just a replaying of “Child tapes”

· Sometimes I see that much of what I feel is a result of something that triggers my “Child tapes”

For each instance you found that is showing up in your relative existence, you might ask how that is working for you. Are you seeing why the Advaita Teachings assert that all personality, all personas, must be cast aside if one is to be happy and free during the manifestation? Are you seeing why the teachings suggests that you cannot be happy unless you are free?

Are you seeing that freedom and happiness are being interrupted by all of the beliefs and concepts that are rooted in programming and conditioning? Are you seeing all of the negative effects of programming and conditioning, relatively speaking? Please enter the silence of contemplation. (The Conclusion tomorrow)
FOR THOSE STILL ASKING ABOUT THE ORDER IN WHICH THE BOOKS SHOULD BE READ, AN OVERVIEW of the sequence for reading and how to get the books at a package rate:
Consider the Meditation CD, the Meditation Guides, Bullshit, and Spiritual Sobriety to be a “Beginner’s Package,” providing a foundation from which persons can begin to consider realities that are beyond the beliefs which they accept unquestioningly as a result of their enculturation. Used as a group, the works encourage inquiry (which is at the core of the Advaita approach) where questioning has not occurred before. [See MAKE YOUR OWN PACKAGE below.]

Consider Peace of Mind, Liberation, What Happens When I Die? and The Essence of the Teachings to be a “Mid-Level Seekers” Package, each guiding seekers beyond the false identification with body and mind and personality and explaining the basic terminology that must be understood before moving to the advanced teachings. [See MAKE YOUR OWN PACKAGE below.]

Consider From the I to the Absolute, Consciousness/Awareness, and From the Absolute to the Nothingness to be an “Advanced Seekers” Package. From the I to the Absolute can serve as a guide for earnest and capable seekers, putting the teachings into an orderly context that reveals the exact steps that must be taken in an exact order to move through all of the degrees of separation from belief in the false “I” to Realization. Consciousness/Awareness offers the next level of understanding, explaining that which is beyond the beingness and how happiness can manifest each day via the understanding. Finally, From the Absolute to the Nothingness will allow earnest and capable seekers to understand the state that is even prior to beingness and non-beingness, even prior to the Absolute. The seeker who understands the content of this book will realize how it is that—from a state of non-existence or nothingness—everything in this universe (and all universes) came to be. [See MAKE YOUR OWN PACKAGE below.]
MAKE YOUR OWN PACKAGE (FOR A LIMITED TIME): 10% OFF if two books are ordered at the same time; 15% OFF if three books are ordered at the same time; 20% OFF if four or more books are ordered at the same time. Visit http://floydhenderson.com/order.htm , provide all ordering information, and then in the "Special Message" box, indicate which package you want.

“MIND” and MEMORIES: When Nature’s “Assets” Become Warped into “Liabilities,” Part Twelve

The very worst of each personality type in evidenced when persons are stressed, overly pious, or making money off their phony role-playing. How many on the planet are not either stressed, overly-pious, or receiving income for playing their roles? The negatives of personality—relatively speaking—are prevalent and dominate the “human (persona) experience.”

[Continued from yesterday]

F.: If one walks into a forest and becomes lost, the surest way out is to retrace one’s steps, exactly, in reverse order. Similarly, the “path” to Realization is the exact opposite, step-by-step, of the way one became lost in body-mind-personality identification. This series is showing how the contamination process happened in order to see what must occur for the re-purification of the consciousness to happen. Only if one sees, “Oh, my gosh, yes, that applies to me” might one realize why the “journey” is indicated as the appropriate “treatment” for what ails the earth’s human population.

Therefore, the earlier points that “persona-playing will lead persons to personality disorders” and that "adults behave in childish ways" should now be understood. What remains to be understood is what those “bizarre circumstances” are that drive children to develop a specific personality and to behave in the ways that are unique to that personality type.

Each of the nine personality types identified by the enneagram, therefore, developed certain traits and behaviors in childhood that “worked” to some degree in those early, unhealthy parent-child relations but that become major obstacles when applied to adult-aged relations (which are most typically marred with the playing of “The Child role” or “The Parent role” in the absence of “Adult”-appropriate conduct). Here are the abnormal home conditions that generate personality and that set children on a destructive course as they apply their childhood strategies to adult-age circumstances (meaning, as they unconsciously allow personality to dictate the ways that they think, emote, and behave):

Often, Type Ones as children were trying to cope with a rigid, judgmental environment in which parents set forth unreasonably excessive moral and ethical demands and expectations, especially involving religious restrictions. Ones become reformers or perfectionists, can become highly self-critical if they don’t adhere as adults to the parental expectations that were set forth during childhood, can become judgmental, and will often label others as being “bad” or “evil.”

Often, Type Twos as children were trying to cope with an environment in which parents were emotionally unavailable, were offering only a conditional version of love, or wherein a parent (often the father) was in absentia, physically or otherwise. They can spend their entire adulthood is a search for love and will give away far too much in the quest.

Often, Type Threes as children were reacting to an especially indulgent parent (often to the mother). Sometimes, an abusive male parent was present, and the hiding of family secrets set the stage for manufacturing the images that were shown outside the home (which were quite different from the abusive reality that existed inside the home). The stage was set for creating and maintaining positive images while living darker lives behind closed doors. Threes, therefore, can experience a sense of incongruity since their "positive" outside image never ...

This is an excerpt from the book
THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS “PEACE OF MIND”
(There Is Only Peace if You’re Out of Your Mind)

For information on the book, visit http://advaitavedantabooks.blogspot.com/

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Please enter the silence of contemplation. [To be continued]