FROM A SITE VISITOR: So the whole problem really begins with ego, right? Sam (PS Thanks for the blog site.)
F.: The three most common possibilities, once an ego-state has been assumed, are (1) to allow it to unconsciously drive one through life, (2) to witness the ego-state that has hijacked you and discard it as an identity in order to be free or (3) to be willing to fight for the false identity and to either be destructive toward others (relatively speaking) or to eventually allow it to destroy you (relatively speaking). The false self always becomes intolerable, whether to those dealing with the one trapped in ego, to the one trapped in ego, or to both.
Persons become self-destructive when they are removed from knowing Who/What They Truly Are and when they are suffering as a result of being driven by the false self. Many often go with “Destruction Option #1” and literally try to destroy the self by suicide. Other persons go with "Destruction Option #2" and try to destroy the one thought to be attacking their false self. The third, less violent approach is to be rid of the identification with the ego-state (which is the Advaita approach) whereby the false self or selves are forfeited by the non-violent means of seeing all that you are not and then finding the True Self and knowing Who/What You Truly Are.
In the earlier example of a marriage that is ending, see how “Destruction Option #1” is manifesting as suicide is being threatened. Further, as pointed out in earlier posts, 59% of all women murdered in the U.S., and 41% of all men, are killed during the breakup of a relationship. (Consider: on average, more than 50% of all murders in the U.S. do not involve “dangerous strangers” but involve persons who have said “I love you” repeatedly.) In the U.S. and many other countries as well, the adoption of this one, single ego-state results in widespread murder and/or suicide.
F.: The three most common possibilities, once an ego-state has been assumed, are (1) to allow it to unconsciously drive one through life, (2) to witness the ego-state that has hijacked you and discard it as an identity in order to be free or (3) to be willing to fight for the false identity and to either be destructive toward others (relatively speaking) or to eventually allow it to destroy you (relatively speaking). The false self always becomes intolerable, whether to those dealing with the one trapped in ego, to the one trapped in ego, or to both.
Persons become self-destructive when they are removed from knowing Who/What They Truly Are and when they are suffering as a result of being driven by the false self. Many often go with “Destruction Option #1” and literally try to destroy the self by suicide. Other persons go with "Destruction Option #2" and try to destroy the one thought to be attacking their false self. The third, less violent approach is to be rid of the identification with the ego-state (which is the Advaita approach) whereby the false self or selves are forfeited by the non-violent means of seeing all that you are not and then finding the True Self and knowing Who/What You Truly Are.
In the earlier example of a marriage that is ending, see how “Destruction Option #1” is manifesting as suicide is being threatened. Further, as pointed out in earlier posts, 59% of all women murdered in the U.S., and 41% of all men, are killed during the breakup of a relationship. (Consider: on average, more than 50% of all murders in the U.S. do not involve “dangerous strangers” but involve persons who have said “I love you” repeatedly.) In the U.S. and many other countries as well, the adoption of this one, single ego-state results in widespread murder and/or suicide.
The impact of a collapsing marriage is further exacerbated by the fact that persons, always in denial, are so shocked when that which will only happen to others happens to them. (The belief that it will only happen to others is based in the false image that each has formed of a partner and the false images that each partner is showing to the other.) With a divorce rate in the U.S. that has remained well above 50% for decades, the statistics show, and the facts are, that most who marry nowadays will go through a divorce. The discarding of all ego-states prior to facing that eventuality could reduce the national suicide-murder rate significantly.
Studies vary but show that 20-40% of all persons who go through a divorce will contemplate suicide, that the suicide rate among divorcing men is twice the national average, and that the suicide rate among divorcing men is 400% higher than among women. Though the statistics deal only with the relative existence, the fact is that assumption of ego-states can kill, yet persons who assume an ego-state to be a definition of who they are will have no willingness at all to forfeit that false identity. Hence, the low rate of Realization and the high rate of murder/suicide.
Why else does such destruction happen, in addition to the codependency and interdependency mentioned earlier? When one has assumed a false identity and is then forced to face the fact that the identity is false, then the “death of an ego-state” will feel so real that a person/persona will actually believe that it is she/he (and not just a role) that is dying. A man will truly take the least threatening posture in nature (namely, a woman walking away from him) as the most threatening posture in nature. That is why Advaita offers so many pointers aimed at seeing how body-mind-personality identification will guarantee distorted thinking and will prevent all logic and reason from manifesting.
The end of an ego-state can generate suffering to a degree that is so intense that persons often opt to end the body and mind and personality that have sustained the false identity by ending the manifestation of the consciousness. Realization would prevent the degree of emotional intoxication that surrounds the end of any ego-state. And again, the role-playing and the false images in a marriage can end without the marriage ending. The result could be quite liberating.
Next, Advaita's forewarnings about being driven by desires and fears are even most relevant when ego-states are ending. The clinging to false identities and beliefs and perceptions and images is always driven by desire or fear or both, and all desire and all fear will generate relative existence misery. If you understand the connection between (a) desires and fears and (b) ego-state assumption and (c) destructive conduct in the relative existence and (d) the fact that an ego-state can drive persons to shift almost instantly from the “I love you mode” to the “I have the right to kill you mode,” then you will understand why no more than 5% will ever likely Realize Fully. Here are the reasons why most will not Realize and why (among other factors) they will not be able to conduct themselves in a reasonable and logical and sane fashion in their “relationships”:
persons (the non-Realized) are driven by desires and fears; and
most persons desire (above all else and at any cost) to be loved; and
no two persons will ever define love in the same way; and
persons have expectations about how people who “love” them should behave; and
persons' ideas about what constitutes love will always vary from one person to the next; and
those ideas will assure variances in the expectations that personas have about the “right way to behave, if you love me”; and
expectations, which will never be met in the precise way desired, will always lead to disagreement and fighting; and
so many persons fear not finding love (or fear finding love and then losing it); or
so many persons find love and are certain they shall have it forever (in spite of statistics to the contrary) only to discover—like the woman in the story earlier—that they did not really have at all what they thought they had; and
persons are like the woman in the scenario earlier, trapped in her body-mind-persona and willing to do almost anything to preserve a false identity that is taken to be real; and
persons prefer to deny that the image presented by someone (and/or the image they have formulated in their “minds” of someone) is not real; and
persons prefer their status quo rather than to having to face “the loss of status”; and
persons are so convinced that the roles which they are playing are truly who they are that they will prefer to live a lie rather than seek the truth.
Therefore, most—as a result of their desires and fears and expectations—will never witness objectively. They will not see the lies that they are living unless forced to admit the truth. Even then, denial will usually dominate their every thought. Now, to "you":
Why else does such destruction happen, in addition to the codependency and interdependency mentioned earlier? When one has assumed a false identity and is then forced to face the fact that the identity is false, then the “death of an ego-state” will feel so real that a person/persona will actually believe that it is she/he (and not just a role) that is dying. A man will truly take the least threatening posture in nature (namely, a woman walking away from him) as the most threatening posture in nature. That is why Advaita offers so many pointers aimed at seeing how body-mind-personality identification will guarantee distorted thinking and will prevent all logic and reason from manifesting.
The end of an ego-state can generate suffering to a degree that is so intense that persons often opt to end the body and mind and personality that have sustained the false identity by ending the manifestation of the consciousness. Realization would prevent the degree of emotional intoxication that surrounds the end of any ego-state. And again, the role-playing and the false images in a marriage can end without the marriage ending. The result could be quite liberating.
Next, Advaita's forewarnings about being driven by desires and fears are even most relevant when ego-states are ending. The clinging to false identities and beliefs and perceptions and images is always driven by desire or fear or both, and all desire and all fear will generate relative existence misery. If you understand the connection between (a) desires and fears and (b) ego-state assumption and (c) destructive conduct in the relative existence and (d) the fact that an ego-state can drive persons to shift almost instantly from the “I love you mode” to the “I have the right to kill you mode,” then you will understand why no more than 5% will ever likely Realize Fully. Here are the reasons why most will not Realize and why (among other factors) they will not be able to conduct themselves in a reasonable and logical and sane fashion in their “relationships”:
persons (the non-Realized) are driven by desires and fears; and
most persons desire (above all else and at any cost) to be loved; and
no two persons will ever define love in the same way; and
persons have expectations about how people who “love” them should behave; and
persons' ideas about what constitutes love will always vary from one person to the next; and
those ideas will assure variances in the expectations that personas have about the “right way to behave, if you love me”; and
expectations, which will never be met in the precise way desired, will always lead to disagreement and fighting; and
so many persons fear not finding love (or fear finding love and then losing it); or
so many persons find love and are certain they shall have it forever (in spite of statistics to the contrary) only to discover—like the woman in the story earlier—that they did not really have at all what they thought they had; and
persons are like the woman in the scenario earlier, trapped in her body-mind-persona and willing to do almost anything to preserve a false identity that is taken to be real; and
persons prefer to deny that the image presented by someone (and/or the image they have formulated in their “minds” of someone) is not real; and
persons prefer their status quo rather than to having to face “the loss of status”; and
persons are so convinced that the roles which they are playing are truly who they are that they will prefer to live a lie rather than seek the truth.
Therefore, most—as a result of their desires and fears and expectations—will never witness objectively. They will not see the lies that they are living unless forced to admit the truth. Even then, denial will usually dominate their every thought. Now, to "you":
1. Are you currently assuming an identity that you are "certain" will never end?
2. Are you "sure" that you will be exempt from ever having to try to process the loss of a role in a sane and resonable fashion so that you do not fall into the trap of emotional intoxication that accompanies the end of an ego-state?
3. Are you certain that there are no false identities that could be discarded right now?
4. Are you positive that there are no ego-states that are driving you or that are inspiring destructive tendencies (relatively speaking), or...
...have you witnessed every former ego-states that had been hijacking you and then gotten free of being influenced or driven by any false identity? The witnessing of all of the ego-states being assumed, and then seeing that they are false, is a starting point for the Advaita "journey" to Full Realization. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
