F.: If you do not adumbrate every idea and belief held by narcissists, then their greatest desire is for you to be destroyed. They might try to destroy you financially or in terms of your feelings or even literally. Yet even if you adumbrate their every idea and belief, even if you try to meet their many demands, even if you acquiesce to their many desires, and even if you play into their unlimited fears that are hidden behind their cloak of bravado, you will still not be good enough, on any regular basis. The desire for conflict, destruction, judgment and self-serving concepts will prevent Realization.
You will never be able to please narcissists consistently because their desires and expectations are constantly shifting; therefore, they cannot be pleased (their public display of confidence and stability and calm notwithstanding). Pointing out your failures or shortcomings is easy for them, but as far as recognizing any of their own personality disorders or defects or failures, it will not likely ever happen. (One experienced psychotherapist who meets monthly with her peers said most agree that, for them, the two most difficult disorders to treat are eating disorders and narcissism.) The failures of narcissists will always be subjected to “the spin,” and they will claim their failures are really successes…or will be very soon. And if all does not turn out the way they predicted, it is your fault and/or the fault of others. Certainly no failure could possibly have anything to do with them. The propensity to spin lies rather than seek truth will block any opportunity for Realization to happen.
If you spend time in private with narcissists, that savoir faire image that they display in public will be shown to be a phony act, but they will still take their public image to be real. You will be shocked at some point at the level of rage that they can occasionally display. (They use rage in the unnatural way that some persons use sex, actually feeling a sense of relief in the state of exhaustion that follows their outbursts and feeling a sense of release that comes after the sharp elevation, and subsequent sharp decrease, in levels of adrenaline.) Attachment to phoniness, to images, and to rage will always block Realization.
You will no longer even recognize the one who you thought you knew, and that has to be the case since the narcissist does not know Who/What He or She Truly Is either. It is all image. You will eventually begin to "walk on eggshells" in their presence in an effort to avoid triggering another outburst. Those around narcissists or in dependent relations with them (employee, spouse, etc.) take adaptive measures because narcissists are not likely to ever change; therefore, those who stay around them must adapt in order to survive, either figuratively or literally.
As a result, those dealing with narcissists can eventually become as far removed from reality and the True Self as the narcissists. You’ll fail to keep the peace you're trying to maintain, of course, since narcissists really hate the peace, deep inside. The power they have over you and others is their aphrodisiac, whether their power is in the form of economic power, religious power, spiritual power, psychological power, military power, sexual power, powers of manipulation or any other form that relative power might take. Attachment to power and to delusions of grandeur blocks Realization.
And it will do no good to discuss with friends or family what the narcissist is like behind closed doors. The public persona is too fixed in the minds of those who have seen the narcissist and who have observed the public image that is displayed. And the reason that the public image of the narcissist is so fixed in their minds is because it is so fixed in the mind of the narcissist who truly believes his/her own lies, who really thinks she/he is that image being displayed, who really thinks he/she is "good" and "right" and "moral"...always and in all ways. Narcissists have no motivation to seek a different understanding because they are convinced that their beliefs or ideas or concepts or perceptions are always right. In fact, because they are always right, there is no need for introspection. The last thing a narcissist would ever do would be to question himself/herself. They never have to consider whether they are "right or wrong"...it's a given that their way is the right way. You will be labeled the one with a problem…not them. Narcissists and their supporters are “good and right” and those with differing views are “evil and wrong.” Attachment to concepts rooted in duality will prevent Realization.
Entire cultures or nations have become embroiled in their narcissistic leaders’ ego-based illusions and have taken them to be “their reality” as well. What egomaniac does not want to hear a megalomaniac declare that his nation is the greatest? Who among the non-Realized does not want to hear that his team is the greatest, that his town is the greatest, or that his religion is "the right one"? If a narcissist hears an Advaitin speak of “illusions” and “false images” and “phoniness” and "dogma that amounts to nothing more than modern versions of ancient myths," those words will trigger a contemptuous reaction from narcissists who hate what they will dismiss as "lofty nonsense." In contrast, those who begin to awaken to any degree at all are more likely to seek "the path to truth" and a guide to lead them through the steps to Realization.
Relatedly, nothing invokes more hatred in a narcissist than one who suggests being rid of phony images. No attack is perceived as more threatening to narcissists than a suggestion that their image is bogus. They are convinced that they really are the images that they display with such style and aplomb, and those who see only the roles that narcissists display in public are just as convinced. The desire to play-act (and to create and sustain false roles) will always prevent Realization.
Popular opinions regarding many narcissists will include the belief that “anyone seen in public to be so 'good,' so confident, so caring, so loving, so generous and so strong cannot possibly be living out an illusion. They cannot possibly be phony because they appear too sincere and too real; they must be the genuine article.” If you can’t “get along with them” or if you "don’t go along with them," then you are surely the one who is warped and wrong. They are fun to be around in public and they often make others "feel good," so any who do not agree with them will be dismissed as being "jealous or confused or just plain wrong."
Narcissists are the actors who take the starring role in The Drama of the Lie, and everything they do or say is pre-scripted. Their original lines were written by their programmers during childhood. Now they constantly write and revise and modify their lines so that the stage characters that they are playing will be taken to be real by everyone in their audiences. On stage, they can appear to play an humble role, but they actually hate sharing the spotlight with anyone else. Everyone is supposed to be a member of their audience, applauding them so enthusiastically that their inner sense of worthlessness is transformed into a sense of grand value.
Narcissists constantly seek reassurance that their images are real, so they need the masses to buy into their phony images and show respect and admiration for those images. When that happens, narcissists take that as confirmation that their phony images are real. They need those constant assurances in order to suppress any occasional feelings that might try to rise from deep within that would say, "You're a fraud and a fake and a phony." While trying to show publicly how kind and caring they are, their message is that if they have to be sadistic and destructive, it is because others “asked for it” by not following orders given or advice offered or warnings proffered. Is it becoming clear why NPD blocks the "path" to Realization for narcissists? Is it becoming clear that they model for seekers everything that must be abandoned in order for Full Realization to happen? Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
You will never be able to please narcissists consistently because their desires and expectations are constantly shifting; therefore, they cannot be pleased (their public display of confidence and stability and calm notwithstanding). Pointing out your failures or shortcomings is easy for them, but as far as recognizing any of their own personality disorders or defects or failures, it will not likely ever happen. (One experienced psychotherapist who meets monthly with her peers said most agree that, for them, the two most difficult disorders to treat are eating disorders and narcissism.) The failures of narcissists will always be subjected to “the spin,” and they will claim their failures are really successes…or will be very soon. And if all does not turn out the way they predicted, it is your fault and/or the fault of others. Certainly no failure could possibly have anything to do with them. The propensity to spin lies rather than seek truth will block any opportunity for Realization to happen.
If you spend time in private with narcissists, that savoir faire image that they display in public will be shown to be a phony act, but they will still take their public image to be real. You will be shocked at some point at the level of rage that they can occasionally display. (They use rage in the unnatural way that some persons use sex, actually feeling a sense of relief in the state of exhaustion that follows their outbursts and feeling a sense of release that comes after the sharp elevation, and subsequent sharp decrease, in levels of adrenaline.) Attachment to phoniness, to images, and to rage will always block Realization.
You will no longer even recognize the one who you thought you knew, and that has to be the case since the narcissist does not know Who/What He or She Truly Is either. It is all image. You will eventually begin to "walk on eggshells" in their presence in an effort to avoid triggering another outburst. Those around narcissists or in dependent relations with them (employee, spouse, etc.) take adaptive measures because narcissists are not likely to ever change; therefore, those who stay around them must adapt in order to survive, either figuratively or literally.
As a result, those dealing with narcissists can eventually become as far removed from reality and the True Self as the narcissists. You’ll fail to keep the peace you're trying to maintain, of course, since narcissists really hate the peace, deep inside. The power they have over you and others is their aphrodisiac, whether their power is in the form of economic power, religious power, spiritual power, psychological power, military power, sexual power, powers of manipulation or any other form that relative power might take. Attachment to power and to delusions of grandeur blocks Realization.
And it will do no good to discuss with friends or family what the narcissist is like behind closed doors. The public persona is too fixed in the minds of those who have seen the narcissist and who have observed the public image that is displayed. And the reason that the public image of the narcissist is so fixed in their minds is because it is so fixed in the mind of the narcissist who truly believes his/her own lies, who really thinks she/he is that image being displayed, who really thinks he/she is "good" and "right" and "moral"...always and in all ways. Narcissists have no motivation to seek a different understanding because they are convinced that their beliefs or ideas or concepts or perceptions are always right. In fact, because they are always right, there is no need for introspection. The last thing a narcissist would ever do would be to question himself/herself. They never have to consider whether they are "right or wrong"...it's a given that their way is the right way. You will be labeled the one with a problem…not them. Narcissists and their supporters are “good and right” and those with differing views are “evil and wrong.” Attachment to concepts rooted in duality will prevent Realization.
Entire cultures or nations have become embroiled in their narcissistic leaders’ ego-based illusions and have taken them to be “their reality” as well. What egomaniac does not want to hear a megalomaniac declare that his nation is the greatest? Who among the non-Realized does not want to hear that his team is the greatest, that his town is the greatest, or that his religion is "the right one"? If a narcissist hears an Advaitin speak of “illusions” and “false images” and “phoniness” and "dogma that amounts to nothing more than modern versions of ancient myths," those words will trigger a contemptuous reaction from narcissists who hate what they will dismiss as "lofty nonsense." In contrast, those who begin to awaken to any degree at all are more likely to seek "the path to truth" and a guide to lead them through the steps to Realization.
Relatedly, nothing invokes more hatred in a narcissist than one who suggests being rid of phony images. No attack is perceived as more threatening to narcissists than a suggestion that their image is bogus. They are convinced that they really are the images that they display with such style and aplomb, and those who see only the roles that narcissists display in public are just as convinced. The desire to play-act (and to create and sustain false roles) will always prevent Realization.
Popular opinions regarding many narcissists will include the belief that “anyone seen in public to be so 'good,' so confident, so caring, so loving, so generous and so strong cannot possibly be living out an illusion. They cannot possibly be phony because they appear too sincere and too real; they must be the genuine article.” If you can’t “get along with them” or if you "don’t go along with them," then you are surely the one who is warped and wrong. They are fun to be around in public and they often make others "feel good," so any who do not agree with them will be dismissed as being "jealous or confused or just plain wrong."
Narcissists are the actors who take the starring role in The Drama of the Lie, and everything they do or say is pre-scripted. Their original lines were written by their programmers during childhood. Now they constantly write and revise and modify their lines so that the stage characters that they are playing will be taken to be real by everyone in their audiences. On stage, they can appear to play an humble role, but they actually hate sharing the spotlight with anyone else. Everyone is supposed to be a member of their audience, applauding them so enthusiastically that their inner sense of worthlessness is transformed into a sense of grand value.
Narcissists constantly seek reassurance that their images are real, so they need the masses to buy into their phony images and show respect and admiration for those images. When that happens, narcissists take that as confirmation that their phony images are real. They need those constant assurances in order to suppress any occasional feelings that might try to rise from deep within that would say, "You're a fraud and a fake and a phony." While trying to show publicly how kind and caring they are, their message is that if they have to be sadistic and destructive, it is because others “asked for it” by not following orders given or advice offered or warnings proffered. Is it becoming clear why NPD blocks the "path" to Realization for narcissists? Is it becoming clear that they model for seekers everything that must be abandoned in order for Full Realization to happen? Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
