NARCISSISTS AND THE NON-REALIZED, Part Two

F.: If you do not adumbrate every idea and belief held by narcissists, then their greatest desire is for you to be destroyed. They might try to destroy you financially or in terms of your feelings or even literally. Yet even if you adumbrate their every idea and belief, even if you try to meet their many demands, even if you acquiesce to their many desires, and even if you play into their unlimited fears that are hidden behind their cloak of bravado, you will still not be good enough, on any regular basis. The desire for conflict, destruction, judgment and self-serving concepts will prevent Realization.

You will never be able to please narcissists consistently because their desires and expectations are constantly shifting; therefore, they cannot be pleased (their public display of confidence and stability and calm notwithstanding). Pointing out your failures or shortcomings is easy for them, but as far as recognizing any of their own personality disorders or defects or failures, it will not likely ever happen. (One experienced psychotherapist who meets monthly with her peers said most agree that, for them, the two most difficult disorders to treat are eating disorders and narcissism.) The failures of narcissists will always be subjected to “the spin,” and they will claim their failures are really successes…or will be very soon. And if all does not turn out the way they predicted, it is your fault and/or the fault of others. Certainly no failure could possibly have anything to do with them. The propensity to spin lies rather than seek truth will block any opportunity for Realization to happen.

If you spend time in private with narcissists, that savoir faire image that they display in public will be shown to be a phony act, but they will still take their public image to be real. You will be shocked at some point at the level of rage that they can occasionally display. (They use rage in the unnatural way that some persons use sex, actually feeling a sense of relief in the state of exhaustion that follows their outbursts and feeling a sense of release that comes after the sharp elevation, and subsequent sharp decrease, in levels of adrenaline.) Attachment to phoniness, to images, and to rage will always block Realization.

You will no longer even recognize the one who you thought you knew, and that has to be the case since the narcissist does not know Who/What He or She Truly Is either. It is all image. You will eventually begin to "walk on eggshells" in their presence in an effort to avoid triggering another outburst. Those around narcissists or in dependent relations with them (employee, spouse, etc.) take adaptive measures because narcissists are not likely to ever change; therefore, those who stay around them must adapt in order to survive, either figuratively or literally.

As a result, those dealing with narcissists can eventually become as far removed from reality and the True Self as the narcissists. You’ll fail to keep the peace you're trying to maintain, of course, since narcissists really hate the peace, deep inside. The power they have over you and others is their aphrodisiac, whether their power is in the form of economic power, religious power, spiritual power, psychological power, military power, sexual power, powers of manipulation or any other form that relative power might take. Attachment to power and to delusions of grandeur blocks Realization.

And it will do no good to discuss with friends or family what the narcissist is like behind closed doors. The public persona is too fixed in the minds of those who have seen the narcissist and who have observed the public image that is displayed. And the reason that the public image of the narcissist is so fixed in their minds is because it is so fixed in the mind of the narcissist who truly believes his/her own lies, who really thinks she/he is that image being displayed, who really thinks he/she is "good" and "right" and "moral"...always and in all ways. Narcissists have no motivation to seek a different understanding because they are convinced that their beliefs or ideas or concepts or perceptions are always right. In fact, because they are always right, there is no need for introspection. The last thing a narcissist would ever do would be to question himself/herself. They never have to consider whether they are "right or wrong"...it's a given that their way is the right way. You will be labeled the one with a problem…not them. Narcissists and their supporters are “good and right” and those with differing views are “evil and wrong.” Attachment to concepts rooted in duality will prevent Realization.

Entire cultures or nations have become embroiled in their narcissistic leaders’ ego-based illusions and have taken them to be “their reality” as well. What egomaniac does not want to hear a megalomaniac declare that his nation is the greatest? Who among the non-Realized does not want to hear that his team is the greatest, that his town is the greatest, or that his religion is "the right one"? If a narcissist hears an Advaitin speak of “illusions” and “false images” and “phoniness” and "dogma that amounts to nothing more than modern versions of ancient myths," those words will trigger a contemptuous reaction from narcissists who hate what they will dismiss as "lofty nonsense." In contrast, those who begin to awaken to any degree at all are more likely to seek "the path to truth" and a guide to lead them through the steps to Realization.

Relatedly, nothing invokes more hatred in a narcissist than one who suggests being rid of phony images. No attack is perceived as more threatening to narcissists than a suggestion that their image is bogus. They are convinced that they really are the images that they display with such style and aplomb, and those who see only the roles that narcissists display in public are just as convinced. The desire to play-act (and to create and sustain false roles) will always prevent Realization.

Popular opinions regarding many narcissists will include the belief that “anyone seen in public to be so 'good,' so confident, so caring, so loving, so generous and so strong cannot possibly be living out an illusion. They cannot possibly be phony because they appear too sincere and too real; they must be the genuine article.” If you can’t “get along with them” or if you "don’t go along with them," then you are surely the one who is warped and wrong. They are fun to be around in public and they often make others "feel good," so any who do not agree with them will be dismissed as being "jealous or confused or just plain wrong."

Narcissists are the actors who take the starring role in The Drama of the Lie, and everything they do or say is pre-scripted. Their original lines were written by their programmers during childhood. Now they constantly write and revise and modify their lines so that the stage characters that they are playing will be taken to be real by everyone in their audiences. On stage, they can appear to play an humble role, but they actually hate sharing the spotlight with anyone else. Everyone is supposed to be a member of their audience, applauding them so enthusiastically that their inner sense of worthlessness is transformed into a sense of grand value.

Narcissists constantly seek reassurance that their images are real, so they need the masses to buy into their phony images and show respect and admiration for those images. When that happens, narcissists take that as confirmation that their phony images are real. They need those constant assurances in order to suppress any occasional feelings that might try to rise from deep within that would say, "You're a fraud and a fake and a phony." While trying to show publicly how kind and caring they are, their message is that if they have to be sadistic and destructive, it is because others “asked for it” by not following orders given or advice offered or warnings proffered. Is it becoming clear why NPD blocks the "path" to Realization for narcissists? Is it becoming clear that they model for seekers everything that must be abandoned in order for Full Realization to happen? Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)

“MIND” and MEMORIES: When Nature’s “Assets” Become Warped into “Liabilities,” Part Two

[NOTE: To those trying to place an order, the server is not yet repaired. In the meantime, if you want to place an order, you can send a message to the book sales division at http://floydhenderson.com/contact.htm and arrangements will be made. Sorry for the temporary inconvenience. Thx. ]

Because of programming and conditioning and enculturation, that which had been an asset (memory) has became a liability.

FROM A SITE VISITOR: Loved your expression “brain-flush”?! Now that resonates. I’ve been visiting your site off-and-on since the early days - you did a piece one time on the brain and mind and consciousness but I can’t find it in the search. Can you tell me how to find that and then tie it in with “brain-flush”? LOL Thanks.

[Continued from yesterday]

F.: So, it can be seen that the term “the mind” is just a name given to a set of files. Originally those files were stored in the brain (as what would come to be called “memories”) so that the file information could be retrieved if needed in order to help humans survive dangerous situations (i.e., “Remember when the fellow in the next cave thought he was picking up a stick and it was a snake. Check more carefully.”) It can be seen that now the “mind” has been so distorted that the persons of the planet believe that a rope is a snake.

Those files/memories are so contaminated with distortions, misperceptions, dogma and all other kinds of lies that the “mind” can no longer serve its original purpose. Where it was intended by nature to work with the rest of the brain to avoid destruction, in its present condition, the typical “mind” is generating more destruction and chaos than survival and peace. It is one thing to remember that a snake which looks like a stick can kill you; it is something else to remember dualistic messages that include: “We’re better than all others on the planet because we live in the greatest country on earth,” or “It’s OK to attack or kill those who have been taught the tenets of a religion that is different from your religion,” or “People with that skin color are all ignorant and criminal.”

It can be seen, therefore, that the current, distorted state of the modern “mind” came about after languages and personal agendas developed which enabled persons to begin teaching dualistic concepts. After that occurred, persons used languages to pass on as fact an entire body of lies, lies that were not based in actual happenings or fact at all (things such as beliefs, ideas, myths, superstitions, dogma, theories, attitudes, “spiritual knowledge,” religious “knowledge,” concepts, false identities, etc.) It can be seen that the distortions being stored nowadays as remembered lessons/memories are not memories that can be used for survival but are corruptions that are driving conduct that is destructive, self-destructive, and detrimental to both peace and survival.

As a result of the distorted concepts and beliefs that are currently being stored in what is called the “mind,” nature’s intent has been invalidated. That original storehouse of files in the brain which was intended by nature to work with the rest of the brain to guide the body to behave in a natural fashion, is now resulting in the body being guided by a warped “mind” that generates unnatural "thinking" and conduct and supernatural “thinking” and conduct.

Nowadays, memories are not being retrieved from the mind to avoid dangerous animals or the precarious edges of cliffs but are generating dualistic “thoughts” such as, “They are ignorant…we are smart”; “I am good, but they are bad”; “I deserve reward but they deserve punishment”; “I heard a God in another world tell me to drop bombs on people in this world”; “I am going to destroy you (or "reject you" or "leave you" or "punish you") because you have said things and done things that are different from what I wanted you to say and do”; or, "You can't be good...you're different from me."

Now, a natural mind no longer works with a natural brain to generate natural living. Instead, the content of the typical “mind” today generates a style of living that is ...

This is an excerpt from the book
THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS “PEACE OF MIND”
(There Is Only Peace if You’re Out of Your Mind)

For information on the book, visit http://advaitavedantabooks.blogspot.com/

To order the book, visit
http://floydhenderson.com/order.htm
(You can use the Special Message box)

Please enter the silence of contemplation. [To be continued]

THE DIRECT (SEVEN-STEP) PATH TO REALIZATION, Part Three—The Conclusion

Unnatural living and supernatural living are both tiresome and exhausting, but natural living is easy.

FROM A SITE VISITOR: Do some people just suddenly realize or does everyone have to go through the seven steps you talk about? If so, why seven and why any exact order.

F.: Now, if you review yesterday’s example, you should find that the order in which the water was contaminated parallels the manner in which the consciousness is contaminated: one person uses the element of dirt to contaminate the water—just as parents program the manifested consciousness to believe that it is the dirt (i.e., the elements, the body) with such comments as “You are a boy” or “You are a girl” or “You are a human” or “You are a person.” Then the level of corruption increases as the body illusion is ungraded: "You are a special person," "You are a gift from God," or “Your body will last forever so it cannot be cremated—it must be saved and buried.” Then, as with the water, the next person adds a coloring element to make it look pretty…to upgrade the illusion: “You have a beautiful body,” “You are so lovely,” “You are good boy,” or “You are a good girl.” The illusion of arrogance develops and, as with the contaminated water, a noxious element is added.

In the world of duality, however, any upgrading of an illusion sets the stage for a downgrading of the illusion on other occasions: “You are a bad boy” or "You are a bad girl” or “You’re so ugly that no one will ever want you” or "As your spiritual guide, I must tell you that such conduct will cause you to be cast into hell forever" or "You're living in the greatest country on earth," or "They are all out to get us." The consciousness becomes more and more corrupted as a fictitious “mind” is formed during childhood and stores away all of the nonsense of separation and all of the lies of differentiation which become “beliefs and values that are worth fighting for…or even dying for” during adult years.

As the corruption of the consciousness continues, dualistic beliefs convince some that they are "clean" while they consider others to be "dirty"; then, a “holy” person might be sought out to add “detergent” as in the earlier example with the water. Some religious dogma or some spiritual exercises will be added with instructions to "adhere to the dogma" or to "continue the spiritual exercises for life" in order to purify the person who is being "bad," to make the person "good," and then to provide the cleansing and re-cleansing efforts that "they" claim will be needed for as long as a person lives.

But the cleansing effects can never keep pace because more and more contaminants are added as the earlier contaminants are held in esteem as "my" beliefs. In their efforts to upgrade the illusion of self, persons start adding more contaminants (new ideas, new beliefs, new information, new knowledge, new dogma, new exercises, and new concepts) to "find the answer" or “to be a better person” or "to be at peace." All of those "self-improvement" efforts are nothing more than a source of further contamination because they deal with (1) trying to make an illusion "better" and because (2) anything in a world of duality that can “help” can also “hurt.” The understanding of the homogeny seldom comes as belief in the multiplicity becomes fixed in a fictional “mind.”

How (after so many years of programming, conditioning, contaminating, and enculturating) can persons ever be rid of the tens of thousands of contaminants that make up a "mind"? With the glass of water, see that the step that removes shards of glass will not remove the poison, and see that the step that removes the salt will not remove the coloring. In like fashion, a variety of steps must be taken and transitioned, in a specific order, for the re-purification of the consciousness to happen. Those steps form a "path."

The "journey" is simply the movement from the contaminated state of consciousness to the re-purified state of consciousness, but none of the steps on the "path" can be skipped. (For example, the steps that eliminate that adoption or assumption of religious or spiritual personas, cannot be taken prior to the steps that remove body and mind identification. Similarly, Maharaj noted accurately that “there are two witnessing stages,” and the second cannot be entered until the first is entered and surpassed. Each “stage,” to use Maharaj’s word, must be entered into and then transitioned in a specific order for Full Realization to happen).

Two seekers wrote recently, a male who has read the words of his guru for five years and a woman who read the same swami's words for seven years, and the content of the e-mails from both seekers revealed that they are almost as far from Full Realization as when they began the search. Seekers are often advised to "be patient." In fact, some seekers become too patient, dedicating five years or seven years to doing the same thing over and over and expecting some different result (even though what they have been doing is not producing the results they are seeking at all). What these two require is what most seekers require: they simply need a clear-cut set of directions that map the way to move along the "path" (often combined with some one-on-one clarification with a "teacher") and then they can end once and for all the ineffective toil and strife and effort and work. This should not be an arduous task. Come to the Understanding and then relax and enjoy the AS IF living that follows. Work is work, but "life" should not be work. In fact, unnatural living and supernatural living are both tiresome and exhausting, but natural living is easy.

The “Spiritual Masters” all addressed the various stages that must be transitioned in order to alleviate the illusions that result in the seven degrees of separation from Reality and then to transition all seven in order to Realize fully. The book FROM THE I TO THE ABSOLUTE does not offer “new Teachings.” It merely provides the Teachings in the exact order in which the steps must be taken, along with detailed explications that guide the seeker through each step. Remember, Maharaj said, “Follow the same path by which you came” and “…You should go back, reverse, to the source.” To go back to the source, to Realize the Absolute, and to abide as the Absolute, the exact reverse order must be followed that led from the Absolute to the delusion of the “I.” Best regards as you continue your “journey” via the Teachings of the Advaita Vedanta philosophy. Please enter the silence of contemplation.
TO READ REVIEWS BY READERS OF FROM THE I TO THE ABSOLUTE (A Seven-Step Journey to Reality) visit: http://advaitavedantabooks.blogspot.com/
TO ORDER YOUR COPY OF FROM THE I TO THE ABSOLUTE (A Seven-Step Journey to Reality) visit: http://floydhenderson.com/order.htm

TRANSCENDENCE: Not “Death,” but the “Death” of Ego, the “Death” of False Identities, the “Death” of Misperceptions, Part Two

[Continued from 2 March 2007. If you did not read Part One, please scroll downward to read the March 2nd post first.]

FROM A SITE VISITOR: [Received 1 March 2007] Found your site recently. Some of your writings have helped more since my wife left than the so-called “pros” I went to and the so-called “support groups” but that old husband idea is still kicking my ass (pardon the French.) What you wrote today about being energy and not really being a husband is trying to tell me something but husband still feels very real right now and so does his pain. Any other tips?

F.: Why does such emotional pain accompany the forfeiture of roles that are not even real? Because they are mistaken as the “Self” when they are only the “self”—only false roles. Consider this also: efforts to forfeit attachment to that “husband” identity (and to forfeit attachment to all false identities) shall not happen if marked by whimpers. Those whimperings are the voices of delusion, generated from the “mind,” rooted in the corrupted consciousness, fearing loss, and desiring continuity for a false identity (or false identities). It has been pointed out repeatedly on this site that to be free of the effects of duality and the effects of Multiple Personality Disorder (DID), “the readiness is all.” When the readiness manifests, then the phony roles are forfeited in glad fashion.

Next, see another aspect regarding this suffering that is associated with the forfeiture of a false role: were the actual facts of your case to be known, it would be realized that “husband” has not been experiencing misery only since the departure of “wife.” “Husband” had plenty of misery when “wife” was still there, but denial and re-framing prevented an awareness of that then (and is preventing an awareness of that now). Even if that awareness were to surface, the “mind” would generate thoughts about “what could have been” or “what should have been” and about “what maybe can still be.” When distorted thinking and distorted perceptions typify the parties involved in any arrangement, the arrangement itself will also be distorted...guaranteed.

Distorted memory and misperceptions about “The Way It Is” or about “The Way It Was” are the scourge of Realization. The witnessing of lies as lies moves the process along toward an awareness of truth. But for now, “he” still has a hidden agenda, hidden even from self and certainly from Self. “He/husband” has wants and desires about “wife” and how she claims to feel or not feel about “husband.” “He” has fears. All of the other ego-states that are disappearing have agendas too. The effects are multi-faceted because the personality is multi-faceted.

Truth also be known, “husband” is not ready to die but he thinks that is happening. “Husbands-that-are-dying” arrive at this site or at satsanga with dependent and co-dependent agendas: “Make us a couple again; help ‘me’ last; or at least make 'me' happy. I still want it all.” But “he” seldom arrives with the only sane agenda: “Make me disappear (without physically killing me).” The transcended poet Whitman asked, “Has anyone supposed it lucky to be born?” Then he added, “I hasten to inform him or her, it is just as lucky to die, and I know it.” How did he know it, without having physically died? Via witnessing “his” own death: the death of ego…the death of the false “I”…the death of delusions…the death of misperceptions.

From those persons trapped in duality, the statement can be heard, “I cannot live with myself anymore.” More accurately, the statement could be, “I, the True Self, cannot live in peace or happiness with my false self—or false selves—anymore.” When one sees all of the false roles which he or she has played in a lifetime, and when he or she sees the toll exacted as a result of the playing of all those phony roles, then the roles will be forfeited gladly if sanity is restored.

When the readiness is there, those ego-states will dissolve not with a whimper, not with sadness for an old acquaintance lost, but will be waved “goodbye” to with laughter. When the Realization came in full, during those seconds before "floyd" disappeared once and from all, “he” saw how their lies had been perceived as truth for decades. And then he laughed a short laugh. A chuckle followed. Then long and hearty laughter came. After the laughs had lasted for some time, a state of exhaustion manifested after that exercise.

While reclining on a small couch, one arm fell to the right side and the left arm fell to the floor. There was no more physical movement, no sound was made. And then a quiet statement came forth, and it was the re-purified consciousness noting, “Oh…my….gosh. It was all a lie…just one lie after another. One deception after another. One false role after another. One long play with phony me on the phony stage, joined by phony actors making their welcomed entrances and their mourned exits. Oh…my…gosh.” And then, silence. And then, an overwhelming sense of peace as had never been known before…ever.

Recall an earlier pointer: Transcending the disappointments and chaos and misery and pain of this relative existence does not require a “physical death.” One definition of “die” is “to cease” or “to disappear.” Freedom from your illusory pain can come if you allow your ego to “die,” if you allow your false identities and role-playing to “die,” and if you allow your distorted misperceptions to “die.”

If the playing of the husband role on the stage of your relative existence must truly come to an end, let the role go. An actor in a Broadway production can play a role for so long that he starts identifying with the part. When the run ends, he can say, “Hey, what the heck—I had a good run.” Then, he walks out of the darkened theatre and into the light of the day and is snapped back into reality. Do the same. As "wife" takes her dramatic exit, witness an actress walking off the stage of your relative existence. See the curtain fall on that act. Then, leave the darkness behind. Walk out of “The Theater of the Lie,” walk into the light, and see the truth…see reality. Then, remember that whatever happens, or not, can be accepted. Stay with this pointer for now:

“…If you cling to the false identity of “husband,” you shall never find the True Self, so peace will never happen consistently. If you find the True Self, then “husbanding” or “not husbanding” can happen…but consistent peace will happen either way.”

Please enter the silence of contemplation. [To be continued]