[Continued from 2 March 2007. If you did not read Part One, please scroll downward to read the March 2nd post first.]
FROM A SITE VISITOR: [Received 1 March 2007] Found your site recently. Some of your writings have helped more since my wife left than the so-called “pros” I went to and the so-called “support groups” but that old husband idea is still kicking my ass (pardon the French.) What you wrote today about being energy and not really being a husband is trying to tell me something but husband still feels very real right now and so does his pain. Any other tips?
F.: Why does such emotional pain accompany the forfeiture of roles that are not even real? Because they are mistaken as the “Self” when they are only the “self”—only false roles. Consider this also: efforts to forfeit attachment to that “husband” identity (and to forfeit attachment to all false identities) shall not happen if marked by whimpers. Those whimperings are the voices of delusion, generated from the “mind,” rooted in the corrupted consciousness, fearing loss, and desiring continuity for a false identity (or false identities). It has been pointed out repeatedly on this site that to be free of the effects of duality and the effects of Multiple Personality Disorder (DID), “the readiness is all.” When the readiness manifests, then the phony roles are forfeited in glad fashion.
Next, see another aspect regarding this suffering that is associated with the forfeiture of a false role: were the actual facts of your case to be known, it would be realized that “husband” has not been experiencing misery only since the departure of “wife.” “Husband” had plenty of misery when “wife” was still there, but denial and re-framing prevented an awareness of that then (and is preventing an awareness of that now). Even if that awareness were to surface, the “mind” would generate thoughts about “what could have been” or “what should have been” and about “what maybe can still be.” When distorted thinking and distorted perceptions typify the parties involved in any arrangement, the arrangement itself will also be distorted...guaranteed.
Distorted memory and misperceptions about “The Way It Is” or about “The Way It Was” are the scourge of Realization. The witnessing of lies as lies moves the process along toward an awareness of truth. But for now, “he” still has a hidden agenda, hidden even from self and certainly from Self. “He/husband” has wants and desires about “wife” and how she claims to feel or not feel about “husband.” “He” has fears. All of the other ego-states that are disappearing have agendas too. The effects are multi-faceted because the personality is multi-faceted.
Truth also be known, “husband” is not ready to die but he thinks that is happening. “Husbands-that-are-dying” arrive at this site or at satsanga with dependent and co-dependent agendas: “Make us a couple again; help ‘me’ last; or at least make 'me' happy. I still want it all.” But “he” seldom arrives with the only sane agenda: “Make me disappear (without physically killing me).” The transcended poet Whitman asked, “Has anyone supposed it lucky to be born?” Then he added, “I hasten to inform him or her, it is just as lucky to die, and I know it.” How did he know it, without having physically died? Via witnessing “his” own death: the death of ego…the death of the false “I”…the death of delusions…the death of misperceptions.
From those persons trapped in duality, the statement can be heard, “I cannot live with myself anymore.” More accurately, the statement could be, “I, the True Self, cannot live in peace or happiness with my false self—or false selves—anymore.” When one sees all of the false roles which he or she has played in a lifetime, and when he or she sees the toll exacted as a result of the playing of all those phony roles, then the roles will be forfeited gladly if sanity is restored.
When the readiness is there, those ego-states will dissolve not with a whimper, not with sadness for an old acquaintance lost, but will be waved “goodbye” to with laughter. When the Realization came in full, during those seconds before "floyd" disappeared once and from all, “he” saw how their lies had been perceived as truth for decades. And then he laughed a short laugh. A chuckle followed. Then long and hearty laughter came. After the laughs had lasted for some time, a state of exhaustion manifested after that exercise.
While reclining on a small couch, one arm fell to the right side and the left arm fell to the floor. There was no more physical movement, no sound was made. And then a quiet statement came forth, and it was the re-purified consciousness noting, “Oh…my….gosh. It was all a lie…just one lie after another. One deception after another. One false role after another. One long play with phony me on the phony stage, joined by phony actors making their welcomed entrances and their mourned exits. Oh…my…gosh.” And then, silence. And then, an overwhelming sense of peace as had never been known before…ever.
Recall an earlier pointer: Transcending the disappointments and chaos and misery and pain of this relative existence does not require a “physical death.” One definition of “die” is “to cease” or “to disappear.” Freedom from your illusory pain can come if you allow your ego to “die,” if you allow your false identities and role-playing to “die,” and if you allow your distorted misperceptions to “die.”
If the playing of the husband role on the stage of your relative existence must truly come to an end, let the role go. An actor in a Broadway production can play a role for so long that he starts identifying with the part. When the run ends, he can say, “Hey, what the heck—I had a good run.” Then, he walks out of the darkened theatre and into the light of the day and is snapped back into reality. Do the same. As "wife" takes her dramatic exit, witness an actress walking off the stage of your relative existence. See the curtain fall on that act. Then, leave the darkness behind. Walk out of “The Theater of the Lie,” walk into the light, and see the truth…see reality. Then, remember that whatever happens, or not, can be accepted. Stay with this pointer for now:
“…If you cling to the false identity of “husband,” you shall never find the True Self, so peace will never happen consistently. If you find the True Self, then “husbanding” or “not husbanding” can happen…but consistent peace will happen either way.”
Please enter the silence of contemplation. [To be continued]
FROM A SITE VISITOR: [Received 1 March 2007] Found your site recently. Some of your writings have helped more since my wife left than the so-called “pros” I went to and the so-called “support groups” but that old husband idea is still kicking my ass (pardon the French.) What you wrote today about being energy and not really being a husband is trying to tell me something but husband still feels very real right now and so does his pain. Any other tips?
F.: Why does such emotional pain accompany the forfeiture of roles that are not even real? Because they are mistaken as the “Self” when they are only the “self”—only false roles. Consider this also: efforts to forfeit attachment to that “husband” identity (and to forfeit attachment to all false identities) shall not happen if marked by whimpers. Those whimperings are the voices of delusion, generated from the “mind,” rooted in the corrupted consciousness, fearing loss, and desiring continuity for a false identity (or false identities). It has been pointed out repeatedly on this site that to be free of the effects of duality and the effects of Multiple Personality Disorder (DID), “the readiness is all.” When the readiness manifests, then the phony roles are forfeited in glad fashion.
Next, see another aspect regarding this suffering that is associated with the forfeiture of a false role: were the actual facts of your case to be known, it would be realized that “husband” has not been experiencing misery only since the departure of “wife.” “Husband” had plenty of misery when “wife” was still there, but denial and re-framing prevented an awareness of that then (and is preventing an awareness of that now). Even if that awareness were to surface, the “mind” would generate thoughts about “what could have been” or “what should have been” and about “what maybe can still be.” When distorted thinking and distorted perceptions typify the parties involved in any arrangement, the arrangement itself will also be distorted...guaranteed.
Distorted memory and misperceptions about “The Way It Is” or about “The Way It Was” are the scourge of Realization. The witnessing of lies as lies moves the process along toward an awareness of truth. But for now, “he” still has a hidden agenda, hidden even from self and certainly from Self. “He/husband” has wants and desires about “wife” and how she claims to feel or not feel about “husband.” “He” has fears. All of the other ego-states that are disappearing have agendas too. The effects are multi-faceted because the personality is multi-faceted.
Truth also be known, “husband” is not ready to die but he thinks that is happening. “Husbands-that-are-dying” arrive at this site or at satsanga with dependent and co-dependent agendas: “Make us a couple again; help ‘me’ last; or at least make 'me' happy. I still want it all.” But “he” seldom arrives with the only sane agenda: “Make me disappear (without physically killing me).” The transcended poet Whitman asked, “Has anyone supposed it lucky to be born?” Then he added, “I hasten to inform him or her, it is just as lucky to die, and I know it.” How did he know it, without having physically died? Via witnessing “his” own death: the death of ego…the death of the false “I”…the death of delusions…the death of misperceptions.
From those persons trapped in duality, the statement can be heard, “I cannot live with myself anymore.” More accurately, the statement could be, “I, the True Self, cannot live in peace or happiness with my false self—or false selves—anymore.” When one sees all of the false roles which he or she has played in a lifetime, and when he or she sees the toll exacted as a result of the playing of all those phony roles, then the roles will be forfeited gladly if sanity is restored.
When the readiness is there, those ego-states will dissolve not with a whimper, not with sadness for an old acquaintance lost, but will be waved “goodbye” to with laughter. When the Realization came in full, during those seconds before "floyd" disappeared once and from all, “he” saw how their lies had been perceived as truth for decades. And then he laughed a short laugh. A chuckle followed. Then long and hearty laughter came. After the laughs had lasted for some time, a state of exhaustion manifested after that exercise.
While reclining on a small couch, one arm fell to the right side and the left arm fell to the floor. There was no more physical movement, no sound was made. And then a quiet statement came forth, and it was the re-purified consciousness noting, “Oh…my….gosh. It was all a lie…just one lie after another. One deception after another. One false role after another. One long play with phony me on the phony stage, joined by phony actors making their welcomed entrances and their mourned exits. Oh…my…gosh.” And then, silence. And then, an overwhelming sense of peace as had never been known before…ever.
Recall an earlier pointer: Transcending the disappointments and chaos and misery and pain of this relative existence does not require a “physical death.” One definition of “die” is “to cease” or “to disappear.” Freedom from your illusory pain can come if you allow your ego to “die,” if you allow your false identities and role-playing to “die,” and if you allow your distorted misperceptions to “die.”
If the playing of the husband role on the stage of your relative existence must truly come to an end, let the role go. An actor in a Broadway production can play a role for so long that he starts identifying with the part. When the run ends, he can say, “Hey, what the heck—I had a good run.” Then, he walks out of the darkened theatre and into the light of the day and is snapped back into reality. Do the same. As "wife" takes her dramatic exit, witness an actress walking off the stage of your relative existence. See the curtain fall on that act. Then, leave the darkness behind. Walk out of “The Theater of the Lie,” walk into the light, and see the truth…see reality. Then, remember that whatever happens, or not, can be accepted. Stay with this pointer for now:
“…If you cling to the false identity of “husband,” you shall never find the True Self, so peace will never happen consistently. If you find the True Self, then “husbanding” or “not husbanding” can happen…but consistent peace will happen either way.”
Please enter the silence of contemplation. [To be continued]
