FROM A SITE VISITOR: [Received 1 March 2007] Found your site recently. Some of your writings have helped more since my wife left than the so-called “pros” I went to and the so-called “support groups” but that old husband idea is still kicking my ass (pardon the French.) What you wrote today about being energy and not really being a husband is trying to tell me something but husband still feels very real right now and so does his pain. Any other tips?
[Continued from yesterday]
F.: Next, accept that “she” will likely soon be playing another part, another role, with another actor. So it is. If you don’t awaken, you too will soon be playing another part, another role, with another actress. Do you really want such phoniness any more? If you do, then the readiness is not there and you’ll soon be back on the stage, lost in the angst of another bit of drama. This is not about your getting free of “her.” It is about your being free of “him,” free of a false identity called "The Husband" which you feel is now dying. The same applies to females visiting the site: the trap is to assume a false identity-lose the false identity-then go into high gear to re-create the false identity.
If you are tired enough of the misery and drama that accompanies this role (and all roles), then you’ll begin the “journey” of shifting to Truth and Reality. If not, the repetition compulsion will drive you to recreate the same drama all over again…and again…and again. It was asked recently by a site visitor, “Are you married, or at least dating?” The answer was, "That which is called 'dating' is happening, and happening in a most entertaining fashion, thank you very much. As for 'married,' yes; in fact, we are both married…to freedom."
So, to review: whimpers may happen during the relative existence since feelings can happen even as ego-inspired emotional intoxication ends. Sometimes sobbing might happen. Sometimes crying convulsively might happen. Of course emotional intoxication never happens among the Realized. If feelings are witnessed to rise and fall, none of that has anything to do with the re-purified consciousness. Should you continue to search for a peaceful resolution, then the core of the problem must be understood: abandon attachment to personality. A site visitor recently admitted that he is now overly-engaged in personality analysis, using the enneagram to better understand himself. That still keeps the focus on the personality or personalities and reinforces the false. He was offered this pointer after inquiring about the enneagram:
You do not need more knowledge. The only thing you need to be aware of about any of the nine types of personality is that they drive people, that none of the personalities are you, and that all personality is to be transcended if you would be sane and happy.
If you would realize That Which You Truly Are, then forfeit body identification first and then begin eliminating the belief that your personality and the roles you play can define What You Are. The result of belief in the fictional “self-concept” is this: the self-concept drives behavior, makes you think that you are entitled to this or that, that you do not have to tolerant this or that, that you deserve more than this or that, that you need this or that, that your fears are real and are justifiable, and that your desires are not only justified but will lead to happiness if attained.
The false self will drive you to believe that you “create your own reality,” which is maximum nonsense. [You can search this site for further discussion of the insane thinking that drives persons to believe that they can create anything, much less “reality.”] Belief in “the self” will result in a belief in your false, perceptual reality (which you will take to be “your own reality,” self-created). It will drive you to believe that you are in the world and will prevent you from seeing that the world is in you. [For more on this subject and the following pointer as well, visit http://www.advaitaquotes.blogspot.com]
That perceived "world" is actually nothing more than a subjective, erroneous perception that is unquestioningly believed to be real. You might as well believe that the actors seen on the screen of a movie theater are really there and are truly real. They are not real, and neither is the role that is driving your current misery. If you would stop the troubling thoughts, do not try to control the "mind" and do not try to stop thinking. It will never happen. Instead, find WHO is doing that "talking" inside your head. That is, ask, "Which role, which false identity, is generating the current thoughts that are so disturbing?" Only by eliminating belief in the role that is generating the thoughts will the thoughts come to an end.
Should the mourning that accompanies the “death” of ego, the “death” of false identities, and the “death” of misperceptions give way to the laughter of Realization, then please write to report the event. For now, you're invited to enter the silence of contemplation (or to consider forfeiting belief in the ego-states that are not allowing the silence to happen inside your head).
Should the mourning that accompanies the “death” of ego, the “death” of false identities, and the “death” of misperceptions give way to the laughter of Realization, then please write to report the event. For now, you're invited to enter the silence of contemplation (or to consider forfeiting belief in the ego-states that are not allowing the silence to happen inside your head).
