WHEN THE EARLIEST DUALITIES PLAGUE THE RELATIVE EXISTENCE OF ADULT-AGED PERSONS, Part Two

F.: Yesterday, this pointer was offered:

By that point, belief in the five earliest dualities is in place. Eventually, those persons who were programmed and conditioned with dualistic teachings as children become obsessive adults, behaving compulsively in their efforts to do all required to always hear “Yes” and to never hear “No”; fanatical in their efforts to have all of their desires met while wanting to avoid all that they fear; and fixated in their efforts to accumulate all that they “want” and to avoid everything that they “don’t want.”

All of that dualistic programming generates a belief in personas as identities, so personality disorders inevitability follow. The billions of (non-Realized) persons on the planet seldom move beyond body identification—which is the most extreme degree of separation from Reality. It is also an identity that will guarantee the perpetuation of “The Child” ego-state (along with misery and suffering as well).

During a session last summer, one such person who was trapped in the body level of identification revealed that he had engaged in over 300 extramarital affairs during his marriage. Most involved pay-for-sex type arrangements but many involved women who thought he cared and that he was available...only to be rejected in short order.

His Addictive Personality Disorder revealed itself through drug use, alcohol abuse, and an addiction to sex and "love," but his most basic identity amounted to “I am my body.” Driving his conduct, however, was also a “mind” and multiple personas.

Therefore, the male sex drive, the effects of his nucleus accumbens, and the archetypal motivation for him to scatter seeds aside, far more was at play with that man’s conduct. Only a few questions were required to reveal "The Child" motives that were at play in his “play.”

He reported the following: after his father disappeared, he was rejected by his mother who gave him to his grandmother; a short time later, his grandmother rejected him and gave him over to the state. His childhood desire was to hear his mother say “Yes” instead of “No”; to hear his grandmother say “Yes” rather than “No”; to alleviate his fear of further rejection; and to get what he “wanted” and to avoid what he did “not want.”

As a child who was wanted by no one, he felt a sense of “loss.” His thought-life was one that said, “You are not good enough; you will never be good enough; therefore, you will never have enough…of anything.” Behind those kinds of beliefs, excess will always be assigned great value.

His desire was to be accepted by two women during his childhood years, but since he was not, he was driven during his adulthood years to hear as many women say “Yes” as possible; to hear as many women as possible say “You are good”; to have women fulfill his self-ish desires; to use women in his effort to negate his fear of being rejected by supposedly being “accepted” time and time again (as if paying someone for something could even remotely mean that they "accept you").

His rationalized claim that “I just really love women” was eventually shown to be nothing more than deception and self-deception. He was shown that he actually hated women and that the repetition compulsion was in full bloom and manifesting through his childish conduct. He was eventually shown that he was doing to as many women as possible what the first two women in his life had done to him: he “had” them, and then he rejected them.

His was a selfish mission of revenge on one hand and a self-centered mission of seeking the acceptance he never had as a child on the other hand. In the process, he had also rejected his wife, yet he was egotistical enough to be angry and delusional enough to think that his wife had rejected him. In his 30’s, his behavior was that of an early teen at best, driven by the dualistic beliefs of a five to seven-year old.

When dominated by the earliest childhood “memories,” childish behavior follows, no matter the age of the person involved. The result is that most persons never reject the “Child” persona and burden their relative existence with an effort to convince “self” and “others” that they are good. The result is a person totally self-absorbed, self-obsessed, and self-centered. Part of the treatment is to begin by rejecting the concepts of “self” and “others.”

Such narcissism as displayed by that male is typical among the non-Realized. Having no clue as to what the True Self is, they are driven by a collection of false selves to accumulate more…and more…and more. Further, that male really thought that he was “happy” and “free,” doing what he wanted and getting what he wanted and enjoying what he got.

He had no clue at all that when co-dependent, as he was, then there can be no independence. In the absence of independence, who that is not free could really be happy? The truly happy are relaxed. Being “relaxed” was the farthest thing from his condition.

So what about you? Are you relaxed, or are you on a mission? If you are not relaxed or if you are on a mission, find WHO is not relaxed. Find WHO is involved is relentless seeking.

Quests are exhausting. To know that You already Are That Which You seek can begin the process of being free of doingness and thereafter relaxing in the lightness of being. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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NARCISSISTS AND THE NON-REALIZED AND THE WORDS OF SRI NISARGADATTA MAHARAJ, Part Six

F.: Narcissists can "play" a crowd perfectly. So well can they “read” people that they will know exactly which words must be said in order to charm or to control or to overpower. They know almost instinctively whether a kind approach or a brutal approach is called for with any given person in any given circumstance in order for the narcissist to control outcome and to get what he/she desires and to avoid what she/he fears. And if you don’t meet the every desire of a narcissist, he/she will find someone else who does.

While the masses usually reinforce the false image of the narcissist, every pointer that has ever been offered by a Fully Realized Advaitin teacher has had but one aim: to destroy the myths and lies and self-images and ego-states that are the stock and trade of narcissists (who happen to typify the overall character of the non-Realized).

For those familiar with the Freudian model, the non-Realized, like narcissists, are so motivated by the Ego and Id that the Superego is basically deactivated. Again, the Advaita Teachings apply: all persons are driven by fear and/or desire. There is nothing that a narcissist (or the non-Realized) fears so much as being seen as a phony or a failure; there is nothing that a narcissist (or the non-Realized) desires so much as having a grand sense of self-worth and as experiencing self-satisfaction.

For those familiar with the enneagram model, “The Narcissistic Personality Disorder” is most in alignment with highly stressed or highly pious Personality Type Threes or with Type Fours who have a strong Type Three “wing.”

The point can now be made that, while all non-Realized persons are not narcissists, all narcissists are non-Realized; furthermore, of all persons suffering various personality identifications and disorders, the narcissist is among those who are the least likely to ever Realize.

Duality is never more fixed than in the case of the non-Realized or in the case of narcissists. The duality of the false selves that separates them from awareness of the True Self is the epitome of entrapment among the “dual-minded.” With the understanding of “The Narcissistic Personality Disorder” as revealed in recent postings, and with the way that narcissism has been shown to dominate the thinking and behaviors of the non-Realized, you are invited to reconsider certain Advaitin pointers that might now be even more relevant:

Offered earlier on the site was this pointer:

Ego is believing that there’s a vast multiplicity arranged in a hierarchy and that you’re the pinnacle; humility is knowing that you’re nothing, no-thing; love is knowing that You, with a capital ‘Y,’ Are everything.

Narcissists believe that they are the pinnacle, so neither humility nor love can manifest among them. Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj offered these pointers that are relevant to the discussion of narcissism and the non-Realized:

"Out of my existence as the Noumenon has come this state of the phenomenal. The homogenous understands the play of the attributes, the projection of the mind, but the play, the projection of the mind, cannot understand the homogeneous." That is, the narcissists and the non-Realized haven’t a clue that they are involved in the phony play…in The Drama of the Lie; they haven’t a clue that they are projecting; they haven’t a clue about the homogeneous Oneness so they are driven by the duality of “self” vs. “them.”

"If you are not, can others be there?" The narcissists (or the non-Realized) do not see that they are not, that is, that their false image is not real. As for “others,” the narcissists (or the non-Realized) merely use “others” in order to attain the feedback and reinforcement that are required to sustain their bogus image. They appear to be highly social but, in fact, they are highly antisocial. (See tomorrow's post for more evidence.)

“From the Absolute no-knowing state, spontaneously, this consciousness ‘I am’ has appeared—there is no reason, no cause.” Narcissists (or the non-Realized) believe that they are the cause…that they are to be in control of all that happens.

So, the impact that narcissists have on the relative existence of so many persons on the planet has been established. Also shown is the fact that narcissists share almost all of the traits of the non-Realized, and that the non-Realized function like narcissists. Tomorrow the discussion will be broadened to reveal that narcissists also share common traits with persons who display the Antisocial Personality Disorder (also known formerly as “psychopaths” and referred to now as “sociopaths”) as well as with persons who display the Addictive Personality Disorder. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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NARCISSISTS AND THE NON-REALIZED, Part Four

F.: Is it becoming clearer why NPD blocks Realization? All of the "personal traits" that are eliminated via Realization are the stock and trade of narcissists. The characteristics that narcissists develop and cling to are traits that narcissists are not likely to ever want to abandon. In their "minds," those traits make them "who they are."

If you examine the mythological Narcissus that provided the name for this disorder, another understanding might be attained. As the tale goes, a flower near the edge of a body of water grew out over the water and then downward in a way that allowed it to look at itself. Supposedly, since all that it could see was itself, it fell in love with itself. That is not quite the case with actual narcissists, though it is true that all they can see is themselves...is their false self. While narcissists can only see the reflected (false) self, the fact is that, unlike their namesake, they are not really in love with themselves (that is, with their True Self).

As with Narcissus, narcissists are really only in love with their image and their appearance, but the real difference in narcissists and their mythological namesake is that at some never-recognized level, they hate the false self and all the work required to sustain the image, but they will not abandon that mission. The life of a narcissist, therefore, always involves living in the mirror. Many narcissists will talk of love, but if one is only in love with a self-image—is only in love with self—then ultimately that person is not capable of loving “another.”

A narcissist is especially unable to love the Realized that are in touch with the True Self (and will actually hate what they see in the Realized) because the Realized will not mirror the narcissist and reinforce the false. Such hatred reveals that narcissists, at some level, feel insecure and threatened and vulnerable (for fear of their image being seen as false). Their desire to feel secure and strong will drive them to try to overpower everyone either by manipulation, by kindness or (if that fails) by brute force.

It should now be clearer why the point was offered in an earlier post that

only in the absence of personality, and thus in the absence of that personality disorder called "narcissism" which inspires an attachment to false images, can the True Self be known and can true peace happen.

Here's another case study as an example. Because narcissists cannot know True Love (that is, un-self-ish, unconditional, unconditioned Love), they mistake many other emotions for love. For example, consider the narcissistic woman with a sense of entitlement, discussed in one chapter from the book CASTING LIGHT ON THE DARK SIDE OF RELATIONSHIPS. Her case is a reminder that (1) all personality is rooted in childhood adaptations in response to dysfunctionalism, that (2) personality disorders fixate when childhood adaptations become adult personality traits, that (3) personality disorders are, therefore, rooted in concepts that were learned experientially during childhood but are carried over into adulthood, and that (4) childhood survival skills, and the subsequent childish thinking and behavior, work very poorly when applied to adult-age circumstances, relatively speaking.

In that case from the book CASTING LIGHT, the woman’s father told her at eighteen that he would send her brother to college but would not pay for her to attend. His advice to her was, “You’re good-looking. Go get a job until you find a man to take care of you.” Her mother added, “If you manipulate men with love, you can get anything you’ll ever want or need.” The subliminal message behind those statements included, “Your brother is valuable but you are not” and “Use your body and your looks to attract men. Then, use love as tool to manipulate them into taking care of you and you'll live a good life.”

Later, she would share that "men always make women feel like whores." In truth, it was her parents who taught her to use the same strategy that prostitutes use, namely, attract men with your body and fake them out with "love" in order to get money and be taken care of. The woman did not become a professional prostitute, per se, but her parents' advice did turn her into what some call a "lifestyle whore," driven to use body and looks, skilled at manipulating men, and willing to "fake love" in order to attain the lifestyle she wants. (Narcissistic men prey on certain women in the same way.)

Those words of her parents became her marching orders for life because they programmed and conditioned her to be narcissistic, to be a user, to be a manipulator, to believe that love is nothing more than a tool, and to identify with body alone. As far as the pointer that narcissists cannot know True Love but they mistake many other emotions as love, that applies as well: the woman in the case study has never earned her own way and has accumulated huge debts when alone. She married multiple times, always going for the wealthy man who was attracted to her looks and who was in a position to meet her financial desires and needs and to assuage her financial fears. Each time that some man was willing to “take care of her” (that is, was willing to “bail her out” and pay off her financial debts and cover all her expenses) she always mistook the feeling of “relief” for the emotion of “love.”

Now, compare her traits to the traits of narcissists in yestersday’s post that were taken from the DSM-IV: preoccupied with success, power, beauty, and ideal love, that is with “idealized” love; want to associate only with high-status, wealthy people; appear to care about people in order to use them; feel entitled; and are takers. Those are also the traits of the non-Realized, the traits that attach persons to their roles, that make them dependent and co-dependent, and that will almost always prevent them from ever seeking authenticity and Realization.

As far as “love” goes, narcissists are, of course, not the only ones giving lip service to it without having a clue about the unicity and True Self and what, therefore, “True Love” involves in this relative existence. For example, in another chapter of CASTING LIGHT ON THE DARK SIDE OF RELATIONSHIPS, the results of a survey of newlyweds are provided. 1000 women offered the top fifteen reasons they had recently married their husbands and 1000 men offered the top ten reasons that they had recently married their wives. What was not included in any of the top 25 reasons for marrying their spouses, as provided by the 2000 recently-married people who were surveyed? Guess. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
(FOR THE ANSWER AND FOR MORE OF THE INFORMATION CONTAINED IN CASTING LIGHT)

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NARCISSISTS AND THE NON-REALIZED, Part Three

F.: Being so far removed from the Unchanging Reality (and thus so attuned to chaos and disorder and change and instability), narcissists will fluctuate and, as a result, will hate tomorrow what they love today; will contradict tomorrow what they say today; will deny tomorrow having said what they said today; and will claim today that they love peace but tomorrow will start a war. Being so far removed from the peace of knowing the True Self, they will attach to the fighting that is required to defend their false images and ego-states. They will be driven, and (as has been pointed out on this site before) he who is driven has no control over where he goes or how he goes…even if he is deluded into thinking he is in control.

Ultimately, they will be driven by their enthrallment with, and passion for, their false self. They will chase in their self-absorbed and merciless fashion their own indulgences, desires and authority, all to one end: to preserve at all costs their public persona, their well-honed illusion, and their counterfeit image which they present and which they believe is real. Narcissists can be effective teachers to this degree: observant seekers can see that everything narcissists do, say, feel or think is a cataloguing of what must be abandoned in order for Realization to happen.

For a more complete picture of the narcissist, review the traits of those exhibiting the Narcissistic Personality Disorder as reported in the DSM-IV.

Narcissists display an exaggerated sense of self-importance (e.g., they exaggerate their achievements and talents and expect to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements); they exhibit a sense of grandiosity; one of their favorite statements in this area is, “I don’t have to put up with that.” Grandiosity and self-importance block Realization.

Narcissists display a preoccupation with their fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love, living in their own “world” and reacting with affront when “reality” dares to intrude. Belief in fantasies and their false "world" blocks Realization.

Narcissists believe that they are special and can only be understood by, or should only associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions; many a narcissist has been “born into” a “high-status institution” such as a church or mosque or temple or business or political family or has been “re-born” into a “high-status” institution such as a church or mosque or temple or spiritual group; those associated with religious or spiritual groups often epitomize the height of religious and/or spiritual arrogance as well as the “my way or the highway” mentality. Believing in the duality of “special vs. non-special” as well as fixating at the third of seven steps to Reality (the religious or spiritual step) will block Full Realization.

Narcissists display an excessive requirement for admiration, wanting praise, compliments, expressions of envy, and reinforcement of their belief that they are better than all others; they appear to care about people, but they only use people because narcissists have a need for regular affirmation of their image by the masses in order for the narcissists to continue to believe that their image is real; at some deep, subconscious level, the narcissist knows that he/she is bogus and is a complete phony, but by working continuously to impress the masses or a selected group of people who are easily fooled by the narcissist’s act, the narcissist’s image receives the confirmation that it requires in order for the warped consciousness of the narcissist to continue to believe that its image is real. Attachment to a false self-image blocks Realization.

Narcissists display a sense of entitlement, believing that they deserve favorable treatment; the sense of entitlement also convinces them that all of their desires or needs should be met by others; thus, attractive female narcissists with that sense of entitlement (which convinces them that they should be taken care of) are often willing to trade their good looks for security, status, and/or position; likewise, financially-successful male narcissists (convinced that they are entitled to have all of their wishes fulfilled) are often willing to trade their income for an attractive mate who is willing to fulfill their every desire and provide status by proxy; in the end, a narcissist believes that the only justification for dealing with people is to use them to the benefit of the narcissist. To believe that one is “different” and deserves more than “others” blocks Realization.

Narcissists display a pattern of selfishly taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends; they are users and takers and will get what they want, no matter the effect on anyone else. Belief in “needs” and “others” will block Realization.

Narcissists display a total inability to feel empathy. The inability to know and feel the unicity will block Realization.

Narcissists display an envy of others while believing that others should envy them. Arrogance and concepts about “others” block Realization.

Narcissists display arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors and attitudes. Beliefs that generate those behaviors and attitudes block Realization.

Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)

NARCISSISTS AND THE NON-REALIZED, Part Two

F.: If you do not adumbrate every idea and belief held by narcissists, then their greatest desire is for you to be destroyed. They might try to destroy you financially or in terms of your feelings or even literally. Yet even if you adumbrate their every idea and belief, even if you try to meet their many demands, even if you acquiesce to their many desires, and even if you play into their unlimited fears that are hidden behind their cloak of bravado, you will still not be good enough, on any regular basis. The desire for conflict, destruction, judgment and self-serving concepts will prevent Realization.

You will never be able to please narcissists consistently because their desires and expectations are constantly shifting; therefore, they cannot be pleased (their public display of confidence and stability and calm notwithstanding). Pointing out your failures or shortcomings is easy for them, but as far as recognizing any of their own personality disorders or defects or failures, it will not likely ever happen. (One experienced psychotherapist who meets monthly with her peers said most agree that, for them, the two most difficult disorders to treat are eating disorders and narcissism.) The failures of narcissists will always be subjected to “the spin,” and they will claim their failures are really successes…or will be very soon. And if all does not turn out the way they predicted, it is your fault and/or the fault of others. Certainly no failure could possibly have anything to do with them. The propensity to spin lies rather than seek truth will block any opportunity for Realization to happen.

If you spend time in private with narcissists, that savoir faire image that they display in public will be shown to be a phony act, but they will still take their public image to be real. You will be shocked at some point at the level of rage that they can occasionally display. (They use rage in the unnatural way that some persons use sex, actually feeling a sense of relief in the state of exhaustion that follows their outbursts and feeling a sense of release that comes after the sharp elevation, and subsequent sharp decrease, in levels of adrenaline.) Attachment to phoniness, to images, and to rage will always block Realization.

You will no longer even recognize the one who you thought you knew, and that has to be the case since the narcissist does not know Who/What He or She Truly Is either. It is all image. You will eventually begin to "walk on eggshells" in their presence in an effort to avoid triggering another outburst. Those around narcissists or in dependent relations with them (employee, spouse, etc.) take adaptive measures because narcissists are not likely to ever change; therefore, those who stay around them must adapt in order to survive, either figuratively or literally.

As a result, those dealing with narcissists can eventually become as far removed from reality and the True Self as the narcissists. You’ll fail to keep the peace you're trying to maintain, of course, since narcissists really hate the peace, deep inside. The power they have over you and others is their aphrodisiac, whether their power is in the form of economic power, religious power, spiritual power, psychological power, military power, sexual power, powers of manipulation or any other form that relative power might take. Attachment to power and to delusions of grandeur blocks Realization.

And it will do no good to discuss with friends or family what the narcissist is like behind closed doors. The public persona is too fixed in the minds of those who have seen the narcissist and who have observed the public image that is displayed. And the reason that the public image of the narcissist is so fixed in their minds is because it is so fixed in the mind of the narcissist who truly believes his/her own lies, who really thinks she/he is that image being displayed, who really thinks he/she is "good" and "right" and "moral"...always and in all ways. Narcissists have no motivation to seek a different understanding because they are convinced that their beliefs or ideas or concepts or perceptions are always right. In fact, because they are always right, there is no need for introspection. The last thing a narcissist would ever do would be to question himself/herself. They never have to consider whether they are "right or wrong"...it's a given that their way is the right way. You will be labeled the one with a problem…not them. Narcissists and their supporters are “good and right” and those with differing views are “evil and wrong.” Attachment to concepts rooted in duality will prevent Realization.

Entire cultures or nations have become embroiled in their narcissistic leaders’ ego-based illusions and have taken them to be “their reality” as well. What egomaniac does not want to hear a megalomaniac declare that his nation is the greatest? Who among the non-Realized does not want to hear that his team is the greatest, that his town is the greatest, or that his religion is "the right one"? If a narcissist hears an Advaitin speak of “illusions” and “false images” and “phoniness” and "dogma that amounts to nothing more than modern versions of ancient myths," those words will trigger a contemptuous reaction from narcissists who hate what they will dismiss as "lofty nonsense." In contrast, those who begin to awaken to any degree at all are more likely to seek "the path to truth" and a guide to lead them through the steps to Realization.

Relatedly, nothing invokes more hatred in a narcissist than one who suggests being rid of phony images. No attack is perceived as more threatening to narcissists than a suggestion that their image is bogus. They are convinced that they really are the images that they display with such style and aplomb, and those who see only the roles that narcissists display in public are just as convinced. The desire to play-act (and to create and sustain false roles) will always prevent Realization.

Popular opinions regarding many narcissists will include the belief that “anyone seen in public to be so 'good,' so confident, so caring, so loving, so generous and so strong cannot possibly be living out an illusion. They cannot possibly be phony because they appear too sincere and too real; they must be the genuine article.” If you can’t “get along with them” or if you "don’t go along with them," then you are surely the one who is warped and wrong. They are fun to be around in public and they often make others "feel good," so any who do not agree with them will be dismissed as being "jealous or confused or just plain wrong."

Narcissists are the actors who take the starring role in The Drama of the Lie, and everything they do or say is pre-scripted. Their original lines were written by their programmers during childhood. Now they constantly write and revise and modify their lines so that the stage characters that they are playing will be taken to be real by everyone in their audiences. On stage, they can appear to play an humble role, but they actually hate sharing the spotlight with anyone else. Everyone is supposed to be a member of their audience, applauding them so enthusiastically that their inner sense of worthlessness is transformed into a sense of grand value.

Narcissists constantly seek reassurance that their images are real, so they need the masses to buy into their phony images and show respect and admiration for those images. When that happens, narcissists take that as confirmation that their phony images are real. They need those constant assurances in order to suppress any occasional feelings that might try to rise from deep within that would say, "You're a fraud and a fake and a phony." While trying to show publicly how kind and caring they are, their message is that if they have to be sadistic and destructive, it is because others “asked for it” by not following orders given or advice offered or warnings proffered. Is it becoming clear why NPD blocks the "path" to Realization for narcissists? Is it becoming clear that they model for seekers everything that must be abandoned in order for Full Realization to happen? Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)

NARCISSISTS AND THE NON-REALIZED, Part One

FROM A SITE VISITOR: Why would you attack Anglos-Saxons as being more narcissistic than anyone else? I think if you look around you’ll see that other races are causing more troubles on the planet than the Anglo-Saxons.

F.: The first suggestion to you is to find WHO wrote this e-mail. Obviously, some false self certainly took something personally and then tried to shift the focus to “other races.” Next, though the Narcissistic Personality Disorder(NPD) can now be seen to dominate persons of many races and cultures all across the planet, the pointer offered yesterday was that Anglo-Saxon nations have historically shown a higher rate of narcissism than others. Aryans have been attacking and pillaging and plundering and taking and using and abusing for tens of thousands of years, a "right" assumed by all narcissists.

Further, modern researchers (conducting psychological, personality, and/or enneagram studies on an international basis) have uncovered higher than usual rates of narcissism among four nations specifically that have traditionally had Aryan-majority populations. If you study the traits of those with the “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” and then study world history, you’ll see evidence of what those studies now confirm. Why should Aryans especially be aware of the findings?

Suppose you were a member of a family that has historically been prone to heart disease. The(relative) interest of your physical health would be served if you were made aware of the fact. Suppose you were a member of a race that has historically been the one that is most prone to suffering from sickle cell anemia. The (relative) interest of your physical health would be served if you were made aware of the fact. Then, suppose you were a member of a race that has historically been the one that is most prone to suffering from “The Narcissistic Personality Disorder.” The (relative) interest of your mental and emotional health would be served if you were made aware of that fact.

Yet the typical narcissist could read this entire series that begins today and relate to none of the description of a narcissist, so it's not really for them. Instead, the postings in this series might enlighten some readers who are only beginning to adopt some of the traits of NPD and inspire them to stop that process. It might also enlighten some just enough to inspire them to stop empowering the narcissists in their relative lives or in their cultures or in their nations, once it is seen how dramatically narcissists continue to impact the relative existence of most on the planet.

As for the writer of the e-mail above, to move beyond your resentment, focus not on a perceived attack on your race but on the Advaita pointer that was being offered: peace and narcissism cannot co-exist, and Realization cannot happen as long as a narcissistic personality is present. Forget “them” then or “them” now. Forget "this race" or "that race" and focus on this: What about “you,” right now? Which narcissistic behaviors are marking "your" relative existence?

There are several reasons why narcissism was mentioned on an Advaita site: (1) narcissism blocks Realization; (2) persons across the globe have been, and are being, dominated and abused and used by those with the NPD disorder…in their “personal relations”…in their nations…and on the international stage; (3) the Advaita philosophy deals with being free of false images while narcissism inspires the adoption and maintenance of false images/ego-states; (4) ego-states and narcissistic arrogance have historically generated most of the misery on the planet and still continue to do so; and (5) because the influence of narcissistic nations is being imposed more and more on a global basis, more and more narcissistic behaviors are manifesting since cultures with narcissistic populations are modeling that behavior which, in turn, is manifesting in many cultures across the planet.

Therefore, the relevance to the Advaita Teachings should be clear: if one personality disorder had to be named that, more than any other, prevents the Realization process from happening, it would be NPD. The topic for consideration today is, “Why would ‘The Narcissistic Personality Disorder,’ more than any other, prevent Realization?”

Consider the traits of the relative existence of narcissists (and of your relative existence if dealing with dominating narcissists) in contrast to the traits of the Realized who live in the peaceful, AS IF fashion that was discussed on 27 May 2007. See how pervasive and domineering (and often popular) narcissists are on the planet in their roles of political leaders, employers, power brokers, entertainers, and yes, spouses. Moreover, realize that you have dealt with narcissists and that you are dealing with them on a daily basis right now, an assertion that can be made with confidence since so many persons on the planet are exhibiting the traits of the disorder. So, to understand narcissists, note first that what you see is never what you get with narcissists. They are in a constant state of flux, working to maintain a kind image one day but later revealing a brutal inner core.

The narcissist is the one you have admired, the one who you found to be at least somewhat physically attractive per your culture’s standards, the one who inspired you and charmed you, the one who lifted you up when you were down, the one who convinced you to give him/her your vote, the one who convinced you that you had finally found "Mr. or Ms. Right," the one who shared her/his beliefs and concepts with such conviction that you adopted those beliefs and accepted them as “right.” The narcissist is the one that seemed to have it so “together” that you emulated or admired that person. The narcissist is the one that might have made you feel "in love" to some degree and also made you feel "loved" or "truly cared about" to some degree when in that person’s presence or when hearing that person speak on television.

But the narcissist is also the one who, at some point, turned on you, inexplicably. As a leader, he was eventually shown to be adept at spinning the truth or to be an outright liar. If you entered into a "personal relationship" or a work-related "relationship" with a narcissist, that person's facade eventually began to fall on occasion and revealed a person who was not charming at all but was seen to be a ruthless cutthroat whose tongue could be a most vile weapon. The narcissist was seen to be one who talked about beliefs but who did not adhere to them because social standards only apply to the other, "lesser" individuals in any society.

The narcissist is the one who will claim to be so dedicated to peace that he/she is willing to send you off to fight and to die for the peace that the narcissist claims to want. The narcissist is the one who can tout his/her religious or spiritual principles one day but can violate them all the next. The narcissist is the one who can justify the use of physical torture when dealing with those he takes to be "the enemy" or mental and emotional torture when dealing with a spouse or employee who is not meeting every demand or expectation. The narcissist is not the harmless rope that, at first glance, was mistaken to be a deadly snake. The narcissist is the deadly snake that, at first glance, was taken to be a harmless rope.

If you are seeking Realization but are adopting some of the narcissistic tendencies that will be discussed in the upcoming posts, they will have to be abandoned before any movement along the path to Realization can happen. If you are moving along the path with some hope that one or more full-blown narcissists affecting your relative existence might change, abandon that hope. It will not likely happen. For today, the invitation is to determine why narcissism blocks Realization. Begin by considering this: the Advaita Teachings offer a means by which one can escape entrapment in personality (that is, can be free of identifying with a persona or false self) in order to escape relative existence suffering and misery. For narcissists, generating suffering and misery is the very essence of their relative existence. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)

“AS IF LIVING” and NON-ATTACHMENT

FROM A SITE VISITOR: Two questions: you mentioned AS IF living on Friday. What exactly does that entail? You also talk about giving up my attachments to those I care about. Why is that a requirement? It seems this is more about loss than about ordinary living. (Not trying to be argumentative--just wondering.) Please explain. Thank you. William

F.: Hello William. Your question was not taken to be argumentative. The topics of AS IF living and non-attachment have both been treated thoroughly on the site. Here’s how to search for past discussions of a topic, using AS living as an example:
1. In the white area at the top left of this page, next to the term SEARCH BLOG, type AS IF.

2. Click SEARCH BLOG.

3. Click EDIT at the top of the page.

4. Click FIND (on This Page) on the drop-down menu.

5. Next to “Find what:” re-type AS IF in that new window.

6. Click FIND NEXT. Each time you click it, you'll be taken down the page to the next instance where the word appeared in prior postings. The term will be highlighted.

Meanwhile, here are some pointers for consideration that describe what AS IF living is like, meaning, what the relative existence is like for the remainder of the manifestation of consciousness, post-Realization:

1. First, this IS all about loss if “loss” refers to the loss of false beliefs, false identities, false words, false fears, false desires, ad infinitum. Ultimately, it is found that there is neither loss nor gain. There is the beingness, the non-beingness, and that which is beyond both.

2. During the seven-step “journey” to Realization, a lessening of interest in things dealing with what you took to be “your world” will be witnessed. As protégés move farther away from the lies of their cultures and closer to the truth that can be understood but that cannot be stated, the consciousness becomes more and more purified. Understand that when the consciousness has been re-purified, one does not become an “unfeeling, uncaring robot” (to use the words of one visitor who took that to be the end result of Full Realization). In fact, an objective witness would have to conclude that he can detect no difference in the AS IF lifestyle of the Realized and anyone else that could be considered “ordinary” or “normal” or living in a completely natural fashion. The Realized feel but they witness feelings as they rise and fall instead of becoming trapped in a state of emotional intoxication and chain reactions induced by ego and its associated anger and fear.

3. As for your question regarding attachment/non-attachment: in the “Child Ignorance Stage,” that brief period in which the “Am-ness” was but was not known, you were attached to nothing. Thus, you were perfectly content so long as you were not hungry or wet. Once you came to know the “Am-ness,” you became attached to that “Am-ness.” Soon you became attached to persons. Later, you became attached to “your things.” Even later, you became attached to the beliefs that “they” taught you. Then you attached to those who shared your same beliefs. You eventually became so attached to “your” ideas and concepts that you became willing to fight over them. As for Me, My abidance is in that original state wherein I had no awareness of the “Am-ness” and thus no attachment to anything.

To live as naturally and as contentedly as a dry, well-fed baby, that original state of non-attachment must become your natural state. How? By returning to that state in which there was no self-consciousness (that is, when there was no consciousness of a false self or selves). When no “I-ness” was known, there was no attachment. Attachment only comes after knowledge of the false “I” comes and after ideas and concepts come. AS IF living is the type of living that happens post-Realization, marked by an absence of belief in any false self or in any concepts, all of which are also false.

[Note: Do not confuse "non-attachment" with what diagnosticians refer to as "Attachment Disorder." During the remainder of the manifestation, the Realized "care" because the unicity is known. Nothing happens "to one" that does not sumultaneously happen "to all"; however, only persons can suffer from "Attachment Disorder" because only persons are still trapped in personality and in all of the dysfunction that personality generates.]

4. The obstacle for those who are seeking and who seem to “get so close” to Realization but who cannot grasp the final understanding is this: persons are completely attached to their personas (and the false concepts that are used to support those false selves). The result of that attachment to concepts that support ego-states is this: if persons “get a glimpse” of their True Self or of their true state beyond, their desires and fears will pull them right back into a state of being attached to body and mind and personality. AS IF living is free of all of that since all body and “mind” and personality identities have been discarded.

Then, with personality having been discarded, that scourge of the relative existence called "The Narcissistic Personality Disorder" (which, historically, has been most pervasive in Anglo-Saxon cultures) cannot exist. And only in the absence of personality, and thus in the absence of that personality disorder called "narcissism" which inspires an attachment to false images, can the True Self be known and true peace happen.

For further explanations, you may now search for earlier postings on “AS IF living” by using the search instructions at the top of the page. Peace and Light. Please enter the silence of contemplation.

THE MESSAGE OF NON-DUALITY, From India and Asia to the “Americas,” Part Six

[These discussions of the Asia-India-“Native American” use of Advaita pointers are in response to an e-mail regarding the May 27th HBO presentation of “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee.” You may visit http://www.hbo.com/films/burymyheart/ if interested in details.]

CASE STUDY: A First-Hand Account of the Advaita Message as Transmitted by One of the Indigenous Peoples in the U.S. (Continued from yesterday)

A LESSON IN TOLERANCE AND NON-DUAL LOVE FROM AN AH-NI-YV-WI-YA GRANDMOTHER
F.: If the healing effect of the quiet was not being modeled by Grandmother, then wisdom was being shared. She spoke so infrequently that, when she did, her words seemed to merit more attention than usual. If wisdom was not being shared, then unconditional love was being demonstrated. In fact, most of her teaching was by example. It was she who offered my first lessons in tolerance and unconditional love. Grandmother married a white man and they had a dozen children together, all delivered in their small house. Over half of the children survived, and the marriage was reportedly idyllic until Grandfather succumbed to appendicitis. The non-dual-type love they shared was described when a character called “Kirk” recounts what she taught during the summers of childhood days:

His lesson in Applied Tolerance came during time spent with Grandmother and his grandfather. They modeled such tolerance perfectly. Grandfather went to church every Sunday, serving as the choir director; Grandmother went into the woods, exercising some kind of communion of her own. They never questioned the other’s practice; they never challenged the other’s beliefs; they never tried to change the other. They did what they did separately and felt just fine; and they did what they did together and felt just fine. Applied Tolerance. No judging. Total acceptance. Unconditional Love. (See Meditation Guide Volume Two for that passage and further discussion.)

[Please note: There has been past confusion among some site visitors regarding pointers about “acceptance.” As used here, it denotes a sense of merely “witnessing” without efforts to control and without arrogance or ego. It certainly does not suggest “accept everything, including abuse and ignorance and lies as well as the unreasonable, the illogical and the nonsensical.”]

Grandmother’s alignment with nature and Grandfather’s preference for his ultra-conservative, Southern Baptist dogma never created the slightest problem in their marriage. Why? Unlike persons who are trapped in their false selves, their egoism and their narcissism, neither grandmother nor grandfather was searching for an “opposite-sex clone of self.” I seek strength, not to be greater but to fight my greatest enemy—myself. There was no “church vs. forest” differentiation, so they saw no differences that needed to be debated nor any problems that needed to be resolved. Grandmother was fully Realized and therefore knew exactly where Grandfather was on "the path," but she made no judgment about that. No false self, no ego, no narcissism = no separation.

With no differentiation, then no one could be called on to conform to the ways of the other. In their egoless existence, neither tried to change the other, neither tried to control the other, and neither tried to make the other over into one’s own image. How could she have tried to make anyone over into her image when Grandmother was imageless? In the absence of a belief in the duality of “good vs. bad,” Grandmother had no means by which she could conclude that anyone was not “good enough for her.” That non-duality absence of “good vs. bad” never allowed her to classify anything. It never even allowed her to complain about the extremes in weather: when it’s hot it is hot and when it is cold it is cold.

In fact, the absence of duality prevented her from complaining about anything. Never did anyone in her presence ever feel inspired to say, “Why don’t you please shut up, at least for just a few minutes!” Never did anyone in her presence say, “What’s the deal with you—you’re never satisfied?” Never did anyone ever observe, “You’re still miserable although you’ve accumulated so many nice things and have everything that anyone should ever want…and more.” Never did anyone ever ask, “Why are you so judgmental?” Never did anyone ever charge, “You are so self-absorbed…such a total egomaniac.” Never did anyone say, “Could you stop nagging for a little while and just appreciate what you do have?”

TRYING TO FIND ONCE MORE THAT TASTE OF NIRVANA
In an earlier post, it was mentioned that “floyd” would go on a “multi-decade search” to try to find again the level of peace that was experienced during those summer retreats. Is it possible for you to relate to how truly tiring that search can be? Here’s the way it is explained, and discussed in more detail, in Meditation Guide Volume One:

In his energy-consuming search for salvation, he’d been dipped, dunked, sprayed, spayed, sprinkled and neutered; in the quest for truth, he’d been blessed, cursed, cussed, lectured, scolded and praised; in his pursuit of Life’s Meaning, he’d been communion’d, Om’d, grape-juiced, wined, ashram’d, accepted, rejected, Mu’d, and yoga’d; in his chase for service-work opportunities, he’d been pulverized, martinized, and frappéd; and in the endeavor to attain Life Eternal, he’d been baptized, Buddha’d, New Aged, powwow’d, Far Eastern Indianized, incensed, sage’d, Tao’d, Peru’d, Tibet’d, washed in the blood, dunked in the waters, and purportedly purified.

So what about you?” Can you relate? Are you tired of the search? It can end with a simple, seven-step process, but persons typically only turn to the simple Advaita process after having exhausted every other conceivable method and after exhausting themselves in the process. Are you ready to be done with self? Are you ready to recognize the Unseen and Eternal? Are you tired enough to try the simple way? Are you so tired that you can only walk seven more steps? Then you just might be ready. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
THE QUOTES ABOVE ON “APPLIED TOLERANCE” AND “THE ENERGY-CONSUMING SEARCH” ARE DISCUSSED IN THE MEDITATION GUIDE SET. INTERESTED IN ORDERING BOTH AT A REDUCED RATE?

Click MEDITATION GUIDE SET

INTERESTED IN INFORMATION ABOUT THE GUIDEBOOK FOR THE SEVEN-STEPS TO REALIZATION?

Click FROM THE I TO THE ABSOLUTE (A Seven-Step Journey to Reality)

“MIND” and MEMORIES: When Nature’s “Assets” Become Warped into “Liabilities,” Part Sixteen

[Continued from yesterday]

F.: The focus now is on the particular personality disorders that develop among each of the nine basic personality types. Personality Type Twos can eventually exhibit the OCD Personality Disorder, a God Complex Disorder, and the Histrionic Personality Disorder and, as always with personality assumption, deeper attachment to false identities happens when persons are stressed, are absorbed in the ego of religiosity or the spiritualized ego, or receive payments for their role-playing.

For coverage of the first two disorders, see yesterday’s post; however, Personality Type Two’s especially display the Histrionic Personality Disorder (a.k.a., Dramatic Personality Disorder) as they fall more and more under the influence of their personality. Again, the relative effects of personality are proven when you observe this disorder in action and see Two’s who suffer instability and emotional intoxication and a distorted self-image. You can see persons suffering this personality defect as their desire to be noticed inspires then to act (and over-react) in ways that are overly-dramatic, highly-theatrical, and generally inappropriate. They become self-ish givers since they intend to get back more than they give, desiring more attention, more “love,” more “respect,” more self-worth, etc. All of that supports duality, desires, and fears.

Personality Type Threes can eventually exhibit the OCD Personality Disorder and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, along with a God Complex Disorder and, as always with personality assumption, deeper attachment to false identities happens when persons are stressed, are overly-pious or highly-spiritual, or receiving monetary gain for their role-playing.

OCD and the God Complex have been covered. Now the discussion turns to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which many professional therapists agree is the personality disorder that they have had the least success in treating. Threes more than any other groups account for the majority of those on the planet who exhibit the traits of narcissism. According to the DSM-IV, they have an exaggerated sense of self-importance; expect to be recognized as superior; are grandiose; seek unlimited success, power, and beauty; and believe they are special. All of that, of course, generates belief in duality.

They seek out high-status persons or institutions for company; require excessive admiration; have a sense of entitlement; are users, not givers; lack empathy; and are envious, arrogant, haughty, patronizing, and contemptuous. In short, they are the epitome of the egotism that is generated when phony images are cultivated and maintained. These attitudes also support duality to the highest degree with their “better than you” and “different from all others” mentality.

Personality Type Fours can eventually exhibit the Depressive Personality Disorder, the Avoidant Personality Disorder, the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the God Complex Personality Disorder, especially when stressed, absorbed in the ego of religiosity or the spiritualized ego, or receive payments for their role-playing.

Visitors can read earlier information shared on all of the disorders common to most Fours except for the Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD). Those suffering from APD are inhibited socially and have feelings of inadequacy. They are hypersensitive to criticism and/or rejection which might drive their tendency to isolate or to avoid social contact rather than risk a chance of being abandoned. They are slow to commit as a result of that fear of abandonment. They can develop a sense of inferiority and, therefore, a dualistic sense of separation.

Personality Type Fives can eventually exhibit the God Complex Disorder or the Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD), especially when stressed, overly-pious, highly-spiritual, or being paid to play their roles. See earlier entries for information on the God Complex. SPD sufferers have trouble establishing relationships and experiencing feelings. They avoid close relations, pleasurable experiences, and family connections…preferring to isolate instead. They seem numb, not caring at all about either praise or criticism.

Personality Type Sixes can eventually exhibit the Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD), the Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder (PAPD) and the God Complex Disorder when persons are stressed, are absorbed in the ego of religiosity or the spiritualized ego, or receive payments for their role-playing.

See earlier entries for information on the God Complex. Those suffering from PPD are distrustful and suspicious of “others,” reinforcing their belief in duality. They feel they are constantly being deceived or harmed or exploited by “others” and regularly question the loyalty of friends and family. They take offense over comments not intented to offend, they bear grudges, and they seldom forgive. They react angrily to the slightest of slights. All of that reinforces their dualistic beliefs. PAPD's are resistance to instruction and responsibilities. They become resentful, stubborn, negative, and sullen. They use procrastination as a way to avoid meetings, deadlines, events, or responsibilities.

Personality Type Sevens can eventually exhibit the God Complex Disorder, the Bi-Polar Personality Disorder (BPPD) known in the past as the Manic-Depressive Personality Disorder and the Histrionic Personality Disorder when they become stressed, overly-pious, or highly-spiritual, or when paid to play a role.

Earlier discussions covered all except the BPPD, often marked by extreme states of mood. High vs. low moods can change throughout a day or over the course of months. They tend to develop highly dualistic perspectives and see everything as all black or all white, meaning everything is totally positive or totally negative. The disorder can appear with levels of seriousness but, by definition, supports duality to the extreme. Please enter the silence of contemplation. [To be continued] For additional information about the book which these excerpts are being drawn from (There's No Such Thing As "Peace of Mind") click

here

COMING IN THREE DAYS: A RIVER THAT FLOWS INTO THE OCEAN OF REALITY