FROM A SITE VISITOR: I am going to try to express something that I have never before been able to verbalize, yet I believe on some level that you will read between the lines and understand. I hesitant to tell you that I am a sophomore in high school, concerned that you would dismiss what I want to tell you.
In our Humanities class this year, we learned in a literature/history lesson of a “Lost Generation.” I sat there listening to the teachers talking about that and realized that I have felt lost since the day that I could first feel a feeling and remember it. You may write me off as an egomaniac for feeling separate and apart from and anything but ordinary. (Let’s change "ordinary" to “normal” so that it does not sound so arrogant to you.)
My IQ has been measured at a level that my counselor says sets me apart from the entire student body. I did not need her to tell me that I am “set apart.” It is something that I have always known, from before the first grade til now. But please do not take that comment as evidence of arrogance because I have never WANTED to feel that way. I WANT to feel connected. I HATE feeling apart. I have always wanted to “be included,” but never have.
Would I sound adolescent or whiney to say that my parents have never understood me? Maybe so, but I can assure you that if you printed this on your site and even included my name and then they read it, they still would not have a clue that "their son" Gerald wrote this.
Over Christmas, I became really depressed, overwhelmed in fact, with a lifelong sense of being excluded. When I returned to school, I searched the internet, looking for a theory or philosophy of “connection” or “inclusion” or “oneness.” That search led to a site called “Advaita Vedanta—a philosophy of oneness” or something like that. So I searched "advaita vedanta" and found your blog and have been reading it since mid-January.
Would you think I am arrogant, or weird, to say that for the first time ever I feel some sense of being connected to something in some way? I don’t understand everything you write about, but many times the words seem to have some degree of relevance to me and what I’ve been dealing with all of my life. For some reason, some of what has always been missing for me—whoever that me is—seems to show up when I read some of the articles on your blog.
I visited all of your links and saw one that I suspect is your daughter’s site. I envy her for having a parent that I KNOW can understand her and whatever she is going through. Anyway, this all sounds weird, I know, but let me assure you that it’s not meant that way at all. It’s just that some CONNECTION that I’ve always wanted seems to be available by understanding some of this philosophy that you write about. I want to connect with my family and I want to connect with my classmates and I want to connect with the world. I have a longing that I think can be met if I could understand all of your words.
I think whatever is missing and that has caused all my dissatisfaction can be found in this philosophy. I want the sense of wholeness that it is obvious you have.
I hope this does not sound so weird that it puts you off the way I put off my parents and classmates and all but a few teachers on the rare occasions when I try to share what I am feeling inside. If that is the way it seems, just tell me and I’ll never write again. I know this is too long, but it just came out this way. If you read this, thank you. If you reply, thank you even more. Gerald
F.: Gerald, first That Which I Am which is That Which You Are is so conscious of the pain and suffering that you have experienced for a decade or more that the same pain and suffering is being felt.
That said, you are not "weird." You’re just “ahead of the curve,” comparatively speaking. However, most who are prepared for these Teachings must spend forty years or more of programming and accumulation and chaos before they seek what you are seeking and find it via the Advaita philosophy.
If my fingers could be snapped and free you of that which you are facing, my fingers would be snapping now. However, since something beyond Advaita and finger-snapping is indicated, especially since you mention depression and being overwhelmed, some face-to-face sessions with a professional counselor might serve your interests at this point. That does not mean that anything is “wrong” with you. If the guess is correct, you may be a “Personality Type Four,” which means you’re in a group that accounts for only 1% of the population. THAT might be the reason you feel "separate" and "apart from," and it might help reassure you to understand the type. With some guidance, the disturbing “isolation” you now feel might eventually evolve into peaceful “solitude.”
A professional counselor can be introspective and is trained to assist. You might develop a trusting and bonding and “open relationship” with someone who understands the way you are feeling…someone with whom you can share your feelings in a safe and receptive environment. Look up “psychologists” or “counselors” or “psychotherapists” in the Yellow Pages. They might be able to guide you through the process of scheduling some visits that are covered by insurance or community services. Will your parents have to be involved with that? Yes, so let's discuss them.
In our Humanities class this year, we learned in a literature/history lesson of a “Lost Generation.” I sat there listening to the teachers talking about that and realized that I have felt lost since the day that I could first feel a feeling and remember it. You may write me off as an egomaniac for feeling separate and apart from and anything but ordinary. (Let’s change "ordinary" to “normal” so that it does not sound so arrogant to you.)
My IQ has been measured at a level that my counselor says sets me apart from the entire student body. I did not need her to tell me that I am “set apart.” It is something that I have always known, from before the first grade til now. But please do not take that comment as evidence of arrogance because I have never WANTED to feel that way. I WANT to feel connected. I HATE feeling apart. I have always wanted to “be included,” but never have.
Would I sound adolescent or whiney to say that my parents have never understood me? Maybe so, but I can assure you that if you printed this on your site and even included my name and then they read it, they still would not have a clue that "their son" Gerald wrote this.
Over Christmas, I became really depressed, overwhelmed in fact, with a lifelong sense of being excluded. When I returned to school, I searched the internet, looking for a theory or philosophy of “connection” or “inclusion” or “oneness.” That search led to a site called “Advaita Vedanta—a philosophy of oneness” or something like that. So I searched "advaita vedanta" and found your blog and have been reading it since mid-January.
Would you think I am arrogant, or weird, to say that for the first time ever I feel some sense of being connected to something in some way? I don’t understand everything you write about, but many times the words seem to have some degree of relevance to me and what I’ve been dealing with all of my life. For some reason, some of what has always been missing for me—whoever that me is—seems to show up when I read some of the articles on your blog.
I visited all of your links and saw one that I suspect is your daughter’s site. I envy her for having a parent that I KNOW can understand her and whatever she is going through. Anyway, this all sounds weird, I know, but let me assure you that it’s not meant that way at all. It’s just that some CONNECTION that I’ve always wanted seems to be available by understanding some of this philosophy that you write about. I want to connect with my family and I want to connect with my classmates and I want to connect with the world. I have a longing that I think can be met if I could understand all of your words.
I think whatever is missing and that has caused all my dissatisfaction can be found in this philosophy. I want the sense of wholeness that it is obvious you have.
I hope this does not sound so weird that it puts you off the way I put off my parents and classmates and all but a few teachers on the rare occasions when I try to share what I am feeling inside. If that is the way it seems, just tell me and I’ll never write again. I know this is too long, but it just came out this way. If you read this, thank you. If you reply, thank you even more. Gerald
F.: Gerald, first That Which I Am which is That Which You Are is so conscious of the pain and suffering that you have experienced for a decade or more that the same pain and suffering is being felt.
That said, you are not "weird." You’re just “ahead of the curve,” comparatively speaking. However, most who are prepared for these Teachings must spend forty years or more of programming and accumulation and chaos before they seek what you are seeking and find it via the Advaita philosophy.
If my fingers could be snapped and free you of that which you are facing, my fingers would be snapping now. However, since something beyond Advaita and finger-snapping is indicated, especially since you mention depression and being overwhelmed, some face-to-face sessions with a professional counselor might serve your interests at this point. That does not mean that anything is “wrong” with you. If the guess is correct, you may be a “Personality Type Four,” which means you’re in a group that accounts for only 1% of the population. THAT might be the reason you feel "separate" and "apart from," and it might help reassure you to understand the type. With some guidance, the disturbing “isolation” you now feel might eventually evolve into peaceful “solitude.”
A professional counselor can be introspective and is trained to assist. You might develop a trusting and bonding and “open relationship” with someone who understands the way you are feeling…someone with whom you can share your feelings in a safe and receptive environment. Look up “psychologists” or “counselors” or “psychotherapists” in the Yellow Pages. They might be able to guide you through the process of scheduling some visits that are covered by insurance or community services. Will your parents have to be involved with that? Yes, so let's discuss them.
Truly negligent parents notwithstanding, many parents are so occupied with what they think they have to do that they unintentionally fail to do what they should do, relatively speaking. Advaita is about awakening, and I wonder if your parents might be awakened to some degree if you were to print out what you have written, ask them to choose a time that is convenient for them to sit down with you and not be interrupted, and let them read what you have written. It might, as you suggest, reveal that they do not know “son Gerald,” but what if that action triggered the beginning of their truly getting to know him better? I suspect that they would love "the son they might not have known to this point" even more than they love the one they think they’ve known. Then, they could help arrange the visits mentioned above.
Finally, the usual procedure followed is that people in Advaita sessions are guided to Realization and then invited to leave, to go in peace, to take it easy, and to enjoy the AS living. A consideration for you is to follow through on the suggestions above and then work on going in peace and taking it easy and enjoying the AS IF life that awaits. But you are not invited to leave. You are welcome to write at any time, for as long as you want, and it may be that at some later date the Teachings will provide the final piece of what you seek. In the meantime, you’re also welcomed to keep visiting the site if it continues to provide a sense of connection for you.
And if the consciousness manifested in the space called “floyd” is around at some point that the consciousness manifested in that space called “gerald” happens to have a “child of his own,” please e-mail an update on what you are doing with that child that recognizes the deepest feeling that the child is experiencing. I bet that child will share freely with you because you will have kept open all the lines of communication. In the meantime, the very best regards to you. Now, enjoy the upcoming summer break. Peace and Light, Gerald.
[To any parents who might be visiting the site today: are you communicating with your child to such a degree that you would recognize the child’s words and feelings if they appeared on this site? All of this is totally relative, totally irrelevant to the Absolute, but you are nevertheless invited to take everything in today’s post into the silence of contemplation anyway, should you so choose.]
Finally, the usual procedure followed is that people in Advaita sessions are guided to Realization and then invited to leave, to go in peace, to take it easy, and to enjoy the AS living. A consideration for you is to follow through on the suggestions above and then work on going in peace and taking it easy and enjoying the AS IF life that awaits. But you are not invited to leave. You are welcome to write at any time, for as long as you want, and it may be that at some later date the Teachings will provide the final piece of what you seek. In the meantime, you’re also welcomed to keep visiting the site if it continues to provide a sense of connection for you.
And if the consciousness manifested in the space called “floyd” is around at some point that the consciousness manifested in that space called “gerald” happens to have a “child of his own,” please e-mail an update on what you are doing with that child that recognizes the deepest feeling that the child is experiencing. I bet that child will share freely with you because you will have kept open all the lines of communication. In the meantime, the very best regards to you. Now, enjoy the upcoming summer break. Peace and Light, Gerald.
[To any parents who might be visiting the site today: are you communicating with your child to such a degree that you would recognize the child’s words and feelings if they appeared on this site? All of this is totally relative, totally irrelevant to the Absolute, but you are nevertheless invited to take everything in today’s post into the silence of contemplation anyway, should you so choose.]
