CONSCIOUSNESS IN MOTION: A Journey into the Dark Abyss of the “Mind,” Part Three

F.: Case #2 will confirm another Advaita pointer: the ego hates the silence. It has been shown that as soon as an ego-state is taken to be an identity, it promotes itself to “Super” status. Personas—trapped as they are in their “Super” status and egotism—must make noise to create an image and to sustain an image. “The Super Speaker” must speak; "The Super Singer" must sing; “The Look-At-Me Mom Child” must yell for attention; and the adult version of that child must have a car with a sound system that no one can ignore.

The ego must be noticed for an ego-state to "survive," so it will generate noise and it will demand attention. Because thought precedes both words and actions, then the ego-dominated “mind” can tolerate neither the stillness nor the silence. Moreover, to reach a point where the presence of noise and the absence of stillness and silence becomes so miserable that a quiet mind is longed for, merely asking for it or wishing for it will never make it happen. [See the book There's No Such Thing As "Peace of Mind" for further explication.]

Note how the shiftings in consciousness and how all of the duality involved in the belief systems of Case #2 reveal multiple ego-states, egotism, a desire for attention, and (even more to the point) turmoil, unrest, ambiguity, bafflement, unevenness, and angst:

CASE #2
“Okay, they say I broke up a family, but I didn’t. He did. I was right 95% of the time in all the arguments we had. I didn’t have a choice but to leave. Yes, I was somewhat concerned about the effects of taking my daughter away from her father, but the negative effects of divorce on a child only last for about two years, max. After 20 years with him, I was so frustrated that I finally starting cutting him to the bone. I told him that I never loved him and that I had just been using him and that I had prayed every day for a year that he would die. Damn fool. On the other hand, he was a good provider and he was very generous in the settlement. I know I should have forgiven him, but he didn't deserve me. I was too good for him from day one.

I do have to admit that he was always a great father to our child, but he wasn't a lovable husband. Okay, love was there. Why else would I have stayed for twenty years? I never had to work. He paid all the bills. The sex was good. But he made me feel like a whore. We really did have a good marriage I guess, but now, I’m much happier away from him. I didn’t get a fraction of what I had coming from the divorce, but that's OK because now I’ve remarried and I’ve found a good man who will take care of me. Dad told me that, with my looks, I'd find a man to take care of me and he was right. Mom told me that love is a tool that can be used to manipulate men, but she meant manipulate in a good way. As it turns out, they knew what they were talking about.

There have been ups and downs, but for the most part the game plan has worked most of my life and now I’ve happier than ever. I have a good Christian man who’s handsome and rich and I have a fulfilling job where I work for the Lord. I always liked singing in front of an audience, and now I sing in church in order to praise the Lord. Today, I know without a doubt that God rules over every part of His dominion, so it’s all been His will, everything that happened. I thank Him daily for the life He has given me. I am truly blessed.” [This case, and many others, are discussed in full in the book CASTING LIGHT ON THE DARK SIDE OF RELATIONSHIPS, below.]

The duality revealed in her comments confirms that the consciousness in example #2 has been completely warped. That also confirms that self (in fact, many “selves”) are driving her thoughts, words, and deeds. Look then at the way her ideas and “beliefs” shift from one diametrically-opposite extreme to another to understand the full effect of the consciousness being warped.

Next, your visit into the dark abyss of the sick “mind” in this example shows you exactly how the warping of consciousness results in confusion, instability, uncertainty, bewilderment, insecurity, unsteadiness, volatility, mental and emotional disorder, and personality disorders. All of those are the result of the warping of consciousness, the subsequent formation of a “mind,” the formation of personality, the assumption of ego-states as identities, and the egotism that follows.

Note again that the ego hates the silence. In fact, it so hates the silence and the beingness that it requires noise and doingness: “The Singer” must sing, “The Speaker” must speaker, and “The Talker” must talk; otherwise, none of those ego-states could “exist”—could “sustain” each self—in the “minds” of those who take their ego-states to be actual identities. This woman must sing, must talk to spread the "good news," must talk to preserve her image as a good mother who did no lasting (relative) harm to her daughter, and must talk to defend her self as a near-perfect wife (with a "95% right" rating).

Case #2 also illustrates that ego is always concerned with physical appearance, and persons become especially attached to body when a culture allows bodies to double as moneymakers. It becomes automatic for persons programmed in such a fashion to define their entire relative existence through projecting externals and maximizing the appearance of the form, the space, the physical. The result is that persons haven’t the slightest contact with that which can only be realized from within: consciousness of Self via tapping into the inner resource; contact with the sixth sense; contact with the intuition; and, finally, the ability to function in ways that are natural as opposed to unnatural and/or supernatural. If the darkness has descended upon the consciousness that you are, to any degree, the suggestion is to try completing all seven of the steps that lead to the re-purification of the warped consciousness. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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CONSCIOUSNESS IN MOTION: A Journey into the Dark Abyss of the “Mind,” Part Two

[Continued from 27 July 2007]
F.: Before venturing for a few moments into three “minds” (which are being presented as examples of what happens when the corrupted consciousness engages in its constant movement and generates distorted perspectives), this caution is offered: NEVER compare. Comparing is dualistic to the core; furthermore, if the result of a comparison leads you to believe that you’re “not as bad off as others,” then your “journey” can come to a halt as egotism persuades you that “you are doing so much better than everyone else.” If you find that you are “much worse off than others,” then the angst around that can end the “journey.”

While not to be used for the sake of comparison, neither are the examples of corrupted consciousness being presented as some kind of litmus test for levels of corruption. The consciousness in motion in these three illustrations shows no evidence of having been re-purified, but they are certainly not among the severe cases of bastardized consciousness that have been witnessed over the last eighteen years.

Finally, note that these examples deal far less with specific persons and far more with the masses at large who—functioning from the auspices of their warped consciousness—are totally devoid of logic and reason, totally unstable, and totally unable to tap into the inner resource, the sixth sense, or the natural, intuitive guidance that formerly served humankind for millions of years.

The speakers will not be identified, though all three have shared these thoughts publicly on more than one occasion. Their words, which allow access to their thoughts as the “stream of warped consciousness” flows, reveal three persons who are totally embroiled in the machinations of their “minds”:

CASE #1
Let’s go back to the beginning, Floyd: I graduated from college and got a teaching job like I had always wanted. I loved my job, I loved the kids, I loved my peers, I hated the pay. Once I married, her income with mine made things OK. Then she got pregnant—three times in seven years—and quit work. The pressure started building up. One person couldn’t live on my salary, much less five. I started hating my job because it didn’t pay enough and I started resenting all of the financial responsibilities I faced. Of course I love my wife and kids but I have to admit that on occasion I have resented them too.

Problems got worse and then fights with my wife got worse. We went to a relative’s minister for counseling but his answer was to join the church and we’d find peace. We went for a year and things only got worse. Now, both of us are too frustrated and worn out to try to make the other one happy. A while back, I got pulled into an emotional affair at work that became a full-blown affair. People found out. I started resenting the gossipy faculty. Several more affairs followed. I would not have sex with my wife for days after each encounter because I hate using condoms and I always wanted to make sure I was clear so I wouldn’t pass on anything to my wife if I caught something.

Many days now, I don’t want to go home. I drink a lot before I even show up at the house. Some days I wish no one would be there when I pull into the drive. I don’t sleep at night because I’m angry about not being able to be with some of the other women I care about, I’m worried about money, and I’m worried about losing my job because I’m raging at the students in the classroom big time. I can name a lot more things that I hate than I love, a lot more things I’d like to have than I’ve got. It’s becoming pretty obvious that I missed the boat.

If this site were about nothing but analytical, behavioral, or differential psychology, the case above could be used to discuss the principles of those three areas of psychology for the next several months. Let it suffice to say that when that person was invited to consider that his words exposed self-absorption and dominance by the many false selves he had adopted, his visits ended. (Cassius asked Brutus, “Brutus, can you see yourself?” When Brutus answered in the negative, Cassius said, "Then let me be your mirror.” The speaker above continues to live in the mirror instead of having moved through the looking glass.)

In the meantime, the warped consciousness of one person's "mind" does not affect that one person alone, relatively speaking, but bastardizes the surrounding consciousness with its toxins as well. The majority of the students that head to his class each day are probably trying to decide whether to enter his room or to seek out a quiet place on campus where they sit down and slit their wrists.

It’s so easy to understand that “things aren’t always the way they appear” when a respected politician’s lies are exposed; when it’s learned that the esteemed director of Christian education in a church was secretly praying every day for a year that her husband would die; or when the “most wonderful son-in-law I could have wished for” turns out to be the murderer of his wife...of that speaker's daughter. The non-Realized are totally incapable of seeing that things are never the way they appear to be. The facts in Case #1 above are the exact opposite of the way the speaker perceptives things, but he is certain that his problems are caused by “others,” that he in not self-absorbed, and that he is not trapped in any personas.

So the instability of the warped consciousness is illustrated, along with proof that the Advaitin teacher spoke accurately when he said, “A dual-minded person is unstable in all ways.” Instability cannot be compartmentalized. Case 1's “love-hate,” “care about-resent,” “want-don’t want” fluctuations are typical of the warped consciousness that is forever in motion and forever generating misperceptions. The example also supports the pointer that it is much easier to accumulate than it is to de-accumulate.

Now, forget that example and focus on the consciousness that you are. Is it in movement? Does it vacillate between states of “I’m happy-I’m not happy”; between states of “I want that-I don’t want that”; and between the confusion of “I like that person-I can’t stand that person”? If you are experiencing instability and vacillation to any degree, the “journey” to Reality if for you. Please enter the silence of contemplation.
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EGO-STATES: “LOVE” OR “EGO,” BUT NOT BOTH (A Continuing Series on Ego-States), Part Six, The Conclusion

FROM A SITE VISITOR: So the whole problem really begins with ego, right? Sam (PS Thanks for the blog site.)

F.: This series has discussed the price of being trapped in ego-states by focusing on a man and woman who for twenty years have been play-acting with each other, assuming phony roles, saying phony words, and living phony lives on the stage of The Drama of the Lie. They are not the exception in this culture or in most other cultures.

What is most insane-like among the non-Realized is the fact that they become so embroiled in their roles—and so embroiled in the play that they are writing and re-writing every day—that they eventually take their roles and games and play-acting to be the real. Once they are convinced that their play is “their world,” then when the curtain falls on that play—as it surely will—they are so traumatized by the collapsing of "their world" that they often contemplate suicide or murder or both. (The woman in this series wants to die because her husband is leaving. Another woman said this week that she wants to die because her husband died. Either way, that which they assumed would last forever...did not. Is grief natural? Yes. Are grief-inspired murder and suicide natural? No, though they are becoming far more "typical.")

The connection between the assumption of ego-states and the “problems in personal relationships” has been illustrated. Having accepted the culture’s lies that they are “two,” persons who take themselves to be “a couple” can light all of the “Unity Candles” that they want but that symbolic act (which is done quickly and then forgotten as quickly) can never replace Realization which alone leads to a full understanding of “not two.” Thus, they will develop personas and they will try to relate and they will never see the double lie that the terms “personal” and “relationships” point to.

Is that to say that dating and marriage and establishment of households are to be avoided? Of course not. It is to say that only misery and suffering can follow when persons become programmed and conditioned and enculturated in a way that leads them to believe that the temporary can be forever. The relative existence is marked with such chaos and change and fluctuation that to expect any phase or stage to last forever is delusional, but it is that very belief which leads many persons to those suidical or homicidal thoughts that come when assumed personas in assumed relationships eventually end.

And there are stages in the ever-changing realm of the relative. Shakespeare spoke of “Seven Stages.” Some Eastern philosophies speak of “Three Stages” (student-householder-forest dweller) and some speak of “Five Stages” (Programming, Accumulation, Self-inquiry, Realization, and De-accumulation).

Shakespeare said that “All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.” He listed the infant stage, the student stage, the lover stage, the fighter stage, and—before returning to the childish stage during advanced age—there are the stages of introspection and consideration which can lead to enlightenment that can, in turn, end the fighting and lead to relaxing and taking it easy, no matter what happens.

Easterners who discuss "Three Stages" list the student stage, the householder stage, and the forest dweller stage. In the first stage, the “tools” required for meeting the basic necessities of the relative existence are accumulated. In the second stage, accumulating happens at an accelerated pace (including a job, a spouse, a home, furnishings, children, necessities, luxuries, etc.). Most persons fixate at that stage and never reach the third stage, the “forest dweller” stage.

That third stage has been entered literally by many who abandon all material possessions and retreat to the woods for contemplation and considerations that can lead to enlightenment. Henry David Thoreau was one of the few U.S. citizens in his day to enter that third stage that has its roots in Eastern philosophy. Moving to Walden Pond, he said, “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” Yesterday, the pointer was offered that the wife (who is now suicidal because she is losing her primary label) has not realized the point offered by Advaita and adumbrated by Thoreau: separated from Self, she has come to die without discovering that she has not yet lived.

To come to the essential understandings via the “forest dweller stage,” however, does not require that one literally go to the woods (though time in “re-treat” for “re-creation” can be most effective). Furthermore, most Advaita teachers would never encourage anyone who might be wanting to skip from stage one to stage three. Maharaj did not offer the teachings to his children because they had to move into the householder stage and “earn a living.” Exposure to the Teachings at too early an age can prove detrimental to movement through each of the stages, he pointed out.

That said, there is no age requirement for transitioning beyond the householder stage and into the forest dweller stage since one need not literally leave family and possessions behind in order for enlightenment to happen. Most persons, however, will fixate in the second stage and never seek the understanding available via the third stage. As a result of that fixation, they will live with the constant fluctuations between “good times” and “bad times” and all of the instability that comes with the adoption of ego-states that are generated while in the householder stage. Eventually, those roles will either be taken away traumatically or can be forfeited with pleasure. That is a key consideration in this discussion.

The pointer was offered yesterday that “Realization, which allows for AS IF living, is a pre-emptive strike against that which will eventually strike all persons absorbed in ego-states.” AS IF living means that freedom from the “mind” and “personality” has happened, so freedom from both self-absorption and even SELF-absorption has happened. Even freedom from SELF-absorption? Yes. Among the Realized, the relative existence is not burdened with having to focus on any concepts or any teachings or even on “The True Self.” If the teachings happen to be shared post-Realization, that generally accounts for a small portion of a day’s activities. Nothing is obsessed over, including Advaita, once Full Realization happens.

Consider again the pointer that was offered yesterday:

The Realized merely see all exactly as it is yet still live in a contented, AS IF fashion that allows peace to happen whether “in relationship” or not, whether “in love” or not, or whether “married” or not. The Realized are driven by nothing, including relative desires, relative fears, or relative perceptions of need. That is never the case with persons (the non-Realized). Total freedom can happen, no matter what your circumstances might be.

Are you ready to be free? CASTING LIGHT ON THE DARK SIDE OF REALTIONSHIPS identifies the sources of problems in “relationships” and offers solutions that can be applied during the remaining manifestation of the consciousness. FROM THE I TO THE ABSOLUTE is a guide through the steps that can lead to total freedom. The ways and the means are available. May your “journey” begin now (or continue now) and move promptly to its end in order that freedom from all things relative might be transitioned so that You can abide as the Absolute and know absolute peace and absolute freedom...now. Please enter the silence of contemplation.

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EGO-STATES: “LOVE” OR “EGO,” BUT NOT BOTH (A Continuing Series on Ego-States), Part Five

FROM A SITE VISITOR: So the whole problem really begins with ego, right? Sam (PS Thanks for the blog site.)

F.: Taking into account all of the Advaitin pointers that have ever been offered, none is likely to be as despised by persons (by the non-Realized) as the pointer that “there is no continuity of body or mind or personality.” Ranking a close second is likely the pointer that, “If you have not Realized, then you have never loved; if you are only dealing with the non-Realized, you are not being loved.”

Those who would debate that point are the ones who really desire love or who fear not having love or who believe they really need love or who are convinced that no one could not love them. They do not understand “mutually exclusive.” If reason and logic are applied, it should be clear that one involved in self—that is, a person assuming any false role and taking the false self to be the True Self, will automatically be self-involved and self-absorbed.

One who is self-involved and self-absorbed will see “a world of others,” and all interaction with those “others” will only be to sustain one’s co-dependent or interdependent ego-states…one’s false self or false selves. That “world” of ego-states and egomania will always be devoid of love. Demanding sex every day might be taken as a sign that "he really loves me" and "he really wants me" and "I am securing my roles." The objective Advaitin witness can see that the only thing happening is that the ego-state of “The Lover” is being sustained for the husband. The savvy clinician will see that a sex addiction is being enabled...and nothing more.

Persons tout the benefits of "self-esteem"; that notwithstanding, to be self-involved and self-absorbed and in love with one’s false self/selves excludes any chance for the manifestation of unconditional love. The “search for love” among the non-Realized really involves nothing more than a desire to find an opposite-sex clone of self. The belief is, "Surely we will be compatible forever if we have the same thoughts, the same beliefs, the same behaviors and habits, the same desires, the same fears, etc.," as if persons are not in a constant state of flux and as if they "will always be the way they are now."

The non-Realized, being unaware of the unicity in which True Love is based, will claim that they are “in love” while actually being in love with a mirror image. They are only in love with self, and more specifically, they are only in love with their false ego-states while believing that they truly love those who support their false roles. “The Employee” loves the boss who allows that role to continue (especially if the job is high-paying) and hates the boss who fires her/him and destroys that role. “The Wife” claims to love the man who was her accomplice in forming and sustaining her false images.

That which is real is unchanging, so if love can turn to hate, it was not real to begin with.

The case study for this series is a woman whose husband claimed for years that he loved her but now “does not love her anymore.” After the beginning months or years of most marriages, a point is reached when it is declared that “the honeymoon is over.” What does that mean? It means that all of the images that were being shown or assumed during dating are eventually seen to be nothing more than misrepresentations. It means that the personality defects that were being covered up are now coming to light.

For those who are really asleep or in denial, being fooled (or fooling oneself) can go on for years. The woman going through a divorce claims that “up until now, he always loved me and I always loved him.” Objective witnesses who read the details of her account would conclude that other factors were involved which convinced her that love is compatible with being controlled by a self-absorbed and neglectful man who took the money she earned, who made her handle all projects and then attacked her over the results, who refused to discuss having children, who demanded sex every day for twenty years, who had a multi-year affair, and who is now leaving her for another woman after she played the role of “The Dutiful and Obedient and Accommodating Wife” for twenty years.

Some might conclude that she was more likely to have been in love with the idea of love or with the idea of “the two of you” or with the idea of their being “a couple.” Some might conclude that she enjoyed being seen about town with what she described as “the best-looking man in town” who bought “the biggest mansion in the city” where they “entertained lavishly.” Some would study her words and conclude that she was in love with something other than “him.” She knows the price they paid for their mansion to the penny, but she does not know the price she has paid by internalizing another person instead of finding her True Self.

Likely, for the first time in decades, she is in a position to finally be true to her Self rather than playing the role of “His Wife” (“his” meaning literally, “the wife possessed by him”). She is in a position to stop playing her false roles of “The Wife” and “The Opposite-Sex Clone of a Man” and “The Provider of Daily Sex.” She thinks he is leaving her, but the fact is that he was never "with" her. She thinks she is dying now, but she has been "dead" for years (meaning, dead to her True Self).

The relevant Advaita pointer has been offered earlier:

The belief by persons that their various roles actually define who they are becomes entrenched. Then, if personas feel that they are being hurt, challenged, interfered with, or threatened, most persons become willing to fight to preserve that which is nothing more than an image. Many have fought to the (relative) death to preserve the false personality that their “minds” have convinced them is who they actually are.

With her threats to kill herself, the woman is “entrenched” in the roles of “Wife,” “Socialite,” “Co-Owner of a Mansion,” “The Woman Enhanced by Being with a Handsome Man,” “The Woman Who Will Always Be Secure, Having Married the Rich Man,” ad infinitum. With those ego-states now being “threatened,” she is ready to fight to the death. In this case, the fight to the death involves her own relative death because she is convinced that if she cannot continue to play her false roles in “The Drama of the Lie,” that ending the manifestation of the consciousness is the only viable alternative available.

Consider how much suffering persons experience as 50-60% who marry will have to face the lost of their assumed identities and will have to deal with the emotional intoxication that happens when the loss of so many identities strikes at once.

If only all false identities were discarded on one’s own timetable instead of a timetable imposed by a co-dependent sustainer of one’s ego-states. If only the ego-states were discarded while visiting with a teacher/guide under calm and rational circumstances. Then, all of the trauma of having identities snatched away could be avoided by having given them up voluntarily. “The Fearful Employee” can disappear though the job can continue. “The Dutiful, Obedient, Accommodating Wife” could disappear though the marriage could continue (the indication for intensive counseling notwithstanding).

The difference is this: the Realized can still feel what they feel without becoming “robotic,” as some charge. Feelings are witnessed as they rise and fall, but the Realized are free of the assumption of false identities that drive persons to think that the loss of a culturally-assigned label is grounds for suicide. Realization, which allows for AS IF living, is a pre-emptive strike against that which will eventually strike all persons absorbed in ego-states. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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EGO-STATES: Either The Invisible Drivers or The Former Hijackers or The Eventual Destroyers, Part Two

FROM A SITE VISITOR: So the whole problem really begins with ego, right? Sam (PS Thanks for the blog site.)

F.: Ego-states either (a) invisibly drive those who assume false identities or (b) have been recognized and discarded so that persons formerly hijacked by false identities are now free or (c) will lead to destructive behaviors, relatively speaking. Ego-states have such influence over thought and behavior because they generate both codependency and interdependency.

First, codependency is fostered since “The Husband” must depend upon the presence of “The Wife” in order to “exist”; “The Employee” is co-dependent upon “The Employer”; “The Helper” is dependent upon the “The Needy”; “The Needy” and “The Takers” are dependent upon “The Loving” and “The Giving” and “The Helpers” for maintaining their ego-states; “The Users” depend on the “The Enablers” and "The Enablers" must depend on "The Users" in order to perpetuate their false identity;

“The One Who Is Loved So Dearly” is dependent upon “The Lover Who Is So Dear” for perpetuation of that role; and “The Compassionate, Caring Lover” is dependent on finding and keeping a person who is seeking compassion and needing love and wanting to be cared for. If one is really interested in a lifestyle that is more simple, then it must be seen that all of the wanting and seeking and desiring and searching and role-playing and dependency can become rather complicated, can it not? And if one is seeking freedom, it cannot manifest as long as dependencies are preferred.

Next, interdependencies are fostered since no ego-state will ever stand alone but will always generate more ego-states. As an example, in the case described yesterday, “The Wife” does not think that she is just losing “The Husband” but thinks she is losing all of the other roles that developed from the assumption of that primary identity as well: “The Homeowner” is dying; “The Active Socialite" and "The Social Entertainer” are gone; “The One Enjoyng the Benefits of the Status Quo” is gone; “The One With Status” is gone since one of the richer men in the community is leaving; “The Woman with High Esteem” is gone, having been left for “The Younger Woman.” “The Financially-Secure Person” is gone. “The One Who Can Retire Someday” feels that she is gone forever.

The list could go on, but focus now on the effects of being forced to see that things were never really the way they were assumed to be: when ego-states are struck by the light of reality which ends the false belief that “this is going to last forever,” persons are forced to recognize that their false identities are temporary and are forced to admit that they were all just phony illusions. Finding out that a lie is a lie (when it was thought to be 100% true) is a mental and emotional and physical shock…be it the discovery that there is no Santa, that there is no God with its male or female appendages, or that “until recently he’s always been a loving, faithful, caring spouse and I was always sure he would honor his vows and me forever.”

When the overwhelming mental and emotional and physical pain that accompanies the “death” of an ego-state is triggered among persons, then a series of disproportionate reactions will often follow since it is seldom the case that one, solitary ego-state is ending. When one identity comes tumbling down, the entire structure built on multiple codependent and interdependent (false) identities will collapse. If persons feel as if they are dying when an ego-state is seen to have been false, imagine the impact of a happening that brings about an end to the assumption of dozens of false identities. Thus, the quote from yesterday: “I think he’s just not himself right now and will come to his senses and return. If he doesn’t, I will kill myself.”

“He’s not himself” really means that (1) “he is no longer showing the phony image, that false self, that he showed in the past” and (2) “he is no longer meeting the image that I had dreamed up in my mind of the way I thought he was.” It also means that (3) “while I thought I knew someone better than anyone knew him, I have been sleeping with a stranger all these years” and that (4) “I would prefer to continue to live that lie and once again believe it is the truth than forfeit a false identity and use this event as an opportunity to find out Who or What I Truly Am and then be free for the first time in forty years.” Finally, it means (5) "I think I am dying now" instead of seeing the fact that "all along I have been living a 'death-in-life' existence with this guy and really only now have a chance to 'come alive'...that is, to find Who/What I Truly Am and then be free for the remainder of the manifestation of this consciousness."

The expression “I will kill myself” means that “I have so thoroughly accepted as my primary identity a role assigned to me by my family and my culture and a religious institution that I prefer death to no longer being able to continue to play a spurious role that has enslaved me to a selfish, controlling, dominating, narcissistic, self-absorbed person.” It would be tantamount to someone being held and tortured in Nanjing Prison in China, being released, walking about free, and then deciding that “You know, that wasn’t really so bad after all; in fact, I really had a pretty good thing with Nanjing. I think I'd like to go back and stay in that prison for the rest of my life.” Such is the inability to see clearly when trapped in the darkness of ego-states.

Does all this mean, therefore, that she should never have married? Of course not. Does it mean that if you're married, you must get a divorce to be free? Of course not. You might recall an earlier pointer offered to a “husband” who thought he was dying: “If you cling to the false identity of ‘husband,’ you shall never find the True Self, so peace will never happen consistently. If you find the True Self, then either ‘husbanding’ or ‘not husbanding’ can happen…and consistent peace will manifest either way.” The pointer to “The Wife” who thinks it is she who is dying is that misery and suffering almost always manifest when roles are assumed and when co-dependency and interdependencies are formed. Might a professional help guide her through the five stages of processing grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance)? That’s certainly possible.

For the Advaitin seeker, however, there is another pointer that can be drawn, based on the scenario above: why not launch a preemptive strike against the ego and against all ego-states? Why not be rid of them on your terms rather than on someone else’s terms? Why not calmly and willingly discard each and every one of those false identities now, rather than waiting for them to be struck down violently and traumatically later on?

There is nothing that is happening right now that cannot continue to happen in the absence of ego-states. It is just that it will all happen from a position of neutrality, from the stance of the witness, from a condition of non-attachment and, therefore, from a state of true freedom in the absence of codependency. (By the way, if you are “in relationship” with someone who objects to your being that free, then you have an entirely different matter to consider, and if you do not want to be that free, then you have a greater matter, relatively speaking, to consider.)

All that having been said, how many will escape the effects of the emotional intoxication that accompanies ego-states and will thereby be reasonable enough and logical enough to accept nothing short of true and unequivocable freedom? Few. So it is. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To continue on Tuesday, May 22. Out of town until then.)
WORKING ON ISSUES ARISING IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE NON-REALIZED, ON FINDING SOLUTIONS TO “RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS,” AND ON BEING FREE EVEN IF “IN A RELATIONSHIP”?

Click CASTING LIGHT ON THE DARK SIDE OF RELATIONSHIPS

THE (RELATIVE) COSTS OF NON-REALIZATION, Part Two

FROM A SITE VISITOR: Why realize if "none of this is real" and if “no consciousness of anything” will exist in the Absolute?

[The continuation and conclusion of yesterday’s post]
F.: Failing to Realize, persons will assume multiple personalities and will play “The Reformer” and/or “The Helper” and/or “The Achiever/Performer” and/or “The Romanticist” and/or “The Analyst” and/or “The Loyalist” and/or “The Adventurer” and/or “The Boss” and/or “The Peacemaker/Sloth.” Additionally, most persons will unconsciously assume the role of “The Child” and be dominated by another or will play the role of “The Parent” and will try to dominate others. Eventually, most persons assume scores of other roles that further trap them in the personas-fears-desires trap.

As their imagined fears and unmet desires drive them toward more and more dissatisfaction or outright misery, many persons will suffer from panic attacks. Other will retreat into a trance-like state of unconsciousness and walk about as if in a dream, joining the ranks of those marching about in their death-in-life, zombie-style fashion. For many, their fears or their desires will drive them to accept magical beliefs about powers in other worlds that can protect them or that can be coaxed with prayers or gifts to intervene and thus fulfill their desires or wishes and help them escape the anxiety they experience as a result of their fears. For some, the level of anxiety will become almost unbearable, so they will use nicotine or other drugs to try to calm themselves. For those, their health will falter prematurely and their energy levels will dissipate.

Many will become numb in order to play out the rest of the manifestation while avoiding any sensations. Others will experience an overwhelming sensation of being trapped. That sensation among some persons can become so strong that they reach a point where the most outrageous conduct follows (even as their friends and family proclaim that “such behavior is not at all like him or her” or report that they “can’t imagine where such actions might have come from”).

Not having Realized—and therefore not knowing what does and what does not cycle—they will become trapped in the chaos of “relationship cycles.” In each of those relationship cycles, they will become caught up in the game of shifting from stranger to acquaintance to friend to lover to spouse/partner to enemy to mortal enemy. Experiencing a sense of being trapped in their relationships, many a person has developed a secret desire or hope that his or her partner might leave or even die, thinking that might finally provide some degree of freedom. In many cases, some persons actually murder a partner in order to “be free,” some kill themselves to “be free,” and some do both. (Annually in the U.S., over 1200 murder-suicides, resulting in an average of seven killings per day, occur among “relationship partners.” Nearly half of all who are murdered each year are killed by a partner during a breakup.)

Whereas only Full Realization can free persons from all of the above, they instead do all possible to block awareness and to dissociate even further from the True Self and from their illusory "world." Suicide can be the means that they use to self-destruct if they are not able to be freed of all their false selves, of their self-contempt, and of their self-hatred.

So, to your question:

First, you are correct about the fact that nothing in this relative is as it appears and the illusion really is all much ado about nothing. Secondly, you are also correct that there will be no one in the Absolute state to realize anything. So, indeed, why Realize? In light of the experiences above that personas undergo in the relative existence as a result of corrupted consciousness, the counter question is: why not Realize, if the manifestation is to continue for a period anyway? Please enter the silence of contemplation.