F.: Is it also becoming clear how much narcissists share in common with the non-Realized and why narcissism—if not successfully treated—will prevent Realization? Narcissists will never take a self-inventory that would reveal their entrapment in a personality disorder. They will likely never see that “personality defects” co-exist with “personality assets.” Why? Because they believe they only have assets.
Some have labeled the narcissist an "egomania with a subconscious inferiority complex that requires constant reinforcement of his/her false self-image." So don’t be fooled by their acts of “faked humility” which they’ll use to further convince you of how pleasant and kind they really are. Further, since they can’t get to their relative truth, certainly they can never reach that understanding which is beyond the relative. Expect their personality faults to be projected onto you, but don’t ever expect them to recognize those faults as their own.
In “personal” or “working” relationships with a narcissist, you will never get that apology which you deserve, you will never get the affirmation that you might seek, and you will never get the appreciation or reward that you might deserve because the narcissist can never get enough to be satisfied or to be generous (unless it reinforces image). Narcissists always believe that they deserve more, that they are entitled to more, and that you should be willing to give more (though they give less and less). In “personal relationships,” narcissists assume that you are lucky to be in their presence. If you are on their payroll, you should never ask for a raise but should only ask if there is more work that you can do without additional remuneration.
Consider again why so many eventually find themselves “walking on eggshells” around the narcissist: if they are challenged by a partner or employee or spouse, their reactions will be so overwhelmingly out of proportion and so full of implied threats that any future challenge will be squelched. Their disproportional reactions will effectively quiet all objecting or protesting and will assure that all is done their way.
In that manner, the narcissist maintains control and makes use of the conditioning techniques that can force persons farther and farther into identification with their false selves that are driven by fear and desire. The result is that NPD spreads itself like a cancer. As the desire to create and sustain images drives the narcissist, it also conditions those who are in dependent or co-dependent “relationships” with narcissists to also abandon Self or any effort to find Self.
In “personal” or “working” relationships with a narcissist, you will never get that apology which you deserve, you will never get the affirmation that you might seek, and you will never get the appreciation or reward that you might deserve because the narcissist can never get enough to be satisfied or to be generous (unless it reinforces image). Narcissists always believe that they deserve more, that they are entitled to more, and that you should be willing to give more (though they give less and less). In “personal relationships,” narcissists assume that you are lucky to be in their presence. If you are on their payroll, you should never ask for a raise but should only ask if there is more work that you can do without additional remuneration.
Consider again why so many eventually find themselves “walking on eggshells” around the narcissist: if they are challenged by a partner or employee or spouse, their reactions will be so overwhelmingly out of proportion and so full of implied threats that any future challenge will be squelched. Their disproportional reactions will effectively quiet all objecting or protesting and will assure that all is done their way.
In that manner, the narcissist maintains control and makes use of the conditioning techniques that can force persons farther and farther into identification with their false selves that are driven by fear and desire. The result is that NPD spreads itself like a cancer. As the desire to create and sustain images drives the narcissist, it also conditions those who are in dependent or co-dependent “relationships” with narcissists to also abandon Self or any effort to find Self.
As with the mythological Narcissus, narcissists believe that the entire world should be a reflection of them. Everything must revolve around their effort to manufacture and maintain their image. Peace in the presence of narcissists will only happen if your words suggest that you accept their image as real and if your every action supports their false image as well.
Narcissists condition people, either with their charm or with their brutality, in order to force persons to behave as the narcissists want them to behave. That is why the family and/or the workplace generally become reflections of the personality of the narcissist: persons about them often internalize the personality of the narcissists in order to try to “keep the peace” or “maintain their roles.” When narcissists use their charismatic powers of influence, nations can take on the false character of a narcissist and echo his/her thoughts:
“We are the greatest”; “We are the good guys”; “We are moral but they are evil”; “We must attack them and destroy them because they attacked us or, even better, before they attack us”; and, historically, “We have the right to take land, to take possessions, to pillage, to plunder, to invade, to conquer, to kill en masse, to bomb, to shock, to intimidate, to awe, to overwhelm, to rule, and to impose our will on them since our will is founded in what is right and what is good.” And that same attitude will be taken into their “personal relationships” as well.
The caricature that narcissists are would be humorous, what with all of their pomposity, all of their strutting about as if on stage, and all of their egotistical nonsense that comes with their having cast themselves as the lead in their phony play. It would be humorous, if it weren’t for the fact that narcissists work themselves into roles of power and influence and control over persons and families and businesses and nations and eventually exert an unbelievably negative impact, relatively speaking, on so many lives.
In the completely fictional play that is “their life,” they may seem to be “people-pleasers” or “peace-lovers” for four out of five acts, but they are only playing to the audience to attain the mass affirmation that they desire. Constant reinforcement is sought as they often fish for the compliments and for the reinforcement that their ego-states and their massive egos need in order to be supported. If “others” see them as “genuine,” then they can continue to believe the same for another day.
So why do people continue to deal with narcissists? Because even after all of the above, narcissists will reverse course, will return to their charming ways, will manipulate you in a way that will trick you into believing “that’s not really him/her,” will make you believe that their rudeness or rage was an aberration, and will inspire you to accept once again the view that they really are the kind and gentle and loving persona that they can display so convincing most of the time.
So effective is their ability to charm and to manipulate that you’ll once again accept their image as the real, just as they do. Study the case of any vulnerable wife who has been physically abused by a narcissistic sociopath but who goes back time and again for more and you’ll understand (1) the power of her desire to sustain her own ego-states but far more (2) the effectiveness of the smooth and convincing act that a narcissistic sociopath can put on in The Drama of the Lie. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
NOTE: In response to inquires about "what times of the year do books go on sale," the following will be offered: beginning on Monday June 4th, one book per week will be offered at a 15% discount. Not all books will be on sale because some move off the shelf too fast to keep a reserve stock for reduced-price sales. When offered, the sale price will last from Monday through Sunday on the featured book. The first book available at the special rate from June 4-10 will be THE ESSENCE OF THE TEACHINGS. For this first sale, any order for that book which is placed between June 1st – June 10th will be processed at the 15% off price.
Narcissists condition people, either with their charm or with their brutality, in order to force persons to behave as the narcissists want them to behave. That is why the family and/or the workplace generally become reflections of the personality of the narcissist: persons about them often internalize the personality of the narcissists in order to try to “keep the peace” or “maintain their roles.” When narcissists use their charismatic powers of influence, nations can take on the false character of a narcissist and echo his/her thoughts:
“We are the greatest”; “We are the good guys”; “We are moral but they are evil”; “We must attack them and destroy them because they attacked us or, even better, before they attack us”; and, historically, “We have the right to take land, to take possessions, to pillage, to plunder, to invade, to conquer, to kill en masse, to bomb, to shock, to intimidate, to awe, to overwhelm, to rule, and to impose our will on them since our will is founded in what is right and what is good.” And that same attitude will be taken into their “personal relationships” as well.
The caricature that narcissists are would be humorous, what with all of their pomposity, all of their strutting about as if on stage, and all of their egotistical nonsense that comes with their having cast themselves as the lead in their phony play. It would be humorous, if it weren’t for the fact that narcissists work themselves into roles of power and influence and control over persons and families and businesses and nations and eventually exert an unbelievably negative impact, relatively speaking, on so many lives.
In the completely fictional play that is “their life,” they may seem to be “people-pleasers” or “peace-lovers” for four out of five acts, but they are only playing to the audience to attain the mass affirmation that they desire. Constant reinforcement is sought as they often fish for the compliments and for the reinforcement that their ego-states and their massive egos need in order to be supported. If “others” see them as “genuine,” then they can continue to believe the same for another day.
So why do people continue to deal with narcissists? Because even after all of the above, narcissists will reverse course, will return to their charming ways, will manipulate you in a way that will trick you into believing “that’s not really him/her,” will make you believe that their rudeness or rage was an aberration, and will inspire you to accept once again the view that they really are the kind and gentle and loving persona that they can display so convincing most of the time.
So effective is their ability to charm and to manipulate that you’ll once again accept their image as the real, just as they do. Study the case of any vulnerable wife who has been physically abused by a narcissistic sociopath but who goes back time and again for more and you’ll understand (1) the power of her desire to sustain her own ego-states but far more (2) the effectiveness of the smooth and convincing act that a narcissistic sociopath can put on in The Drama of the Lie. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
NOTE: In response to inquires about "what times of the year do books go on sale," the following will be offered: beginning on Monday June 4th, one book per week will be offered at a 15% discount. Not all books will be on sale because some move off the shelf too fast to keep a reserve stock for reduced-price sales. When offered, the sale price will last from Monday through Sunday on the featured book. The first book available at the special rate from June 4-10 will be THE ESSENCE OF THE TEACHINGS. For this first sale, any order for that book which is placed between June 1st – June 10th will be processed at the 15% off price.
