[First, a note to “Ana” who wrote that she “hates this life and wants to die.” You did not provide a full e-mail address, so a response will be posted here. If the e-mail is legitimate and if you are willing to discuss your comments in more detail, please send contact information. A private response will be provided.]
From a site visitor: I have tested as a type four personality with a strong helper component. I bought your book LIBERATION to understand myself even better, but instead you attacked me and those like me who choose to try to help people and make the world a better place. What is your problem with people helping people? What do you think is wrong with helping?
F.: Since you are defending the role of “The Helper” which you have disintegrated into, it is appropriate to discuss the dependency and co-dependency that always result from assuming roles. Of course, all persona-assumption generates co-dependency: “The Husband” cannot exist without “The Wife”; “The Helper” cannot exist without “The Needy” or “The Infirmed”; “The Giver” cannot exist without “The Taker.” Research by Anne Wilson Schaef and Dr. Edward L. Zuckerman reveal some of the other roles that persons assume and that generate co-dependency and dependency:
“The Rescuer” (who often covers up for and enables); “The Caretaker” (who minimizes relative existence consequences and who supports dependency in others); “The Joiner” (who enables dependent types to rationalize and perpetuate their dependency); “The Hero” (who plays the part of protecting family or individual images and who “sacrifices”); “The Adjuster” (who avoids identifying and addressing problems and hides the truth); “The Family Man” or “The Family Woman” (who values loyalty over truth, who can encourage avoidance of feelings, who supports distortion and denial, and who encourages the superficial).
The researchers also offer some of the typical characteristics of co-dependents (which make a relative-existence case for Full Realization which can end both dependency and co-dependency):
Co-dependents lack boundaries, believe they cannot survive without a particular person, are plagued by fears (especially a fear of abandonment), and have the distorted view that relative existence relationships can be “perfect.” They often become egotistical, thinking they are indispensable, and they often adopt an additional persona called “The Martyr.” Though they seemingly reach outward to “help,” they really become self-centered, personalizing all events, assuming responsibility for the behavior of other persons, and working to attain love (which they sense they have never received to the degree desired).
They eventually attempt to control everything and everyone and believe that with more effort they can “fix” individuals or families. Though often emotionally-intoxicated, they become unaware of feelings and become dishonest as they try to manage images and distort truth.
They can "try to change" in order to please others, can feel responsible for meeting other people's needs at the expense of their own, and can become driven by compulsions. Eventually they develop anxiety and are prone to become enmeshed in relationships with those exhibiting personality disorders and/or dependencies and/or impulsive conduct.
Several of the following will usually manifest in dependent and/or co-dependent types: depression; hypervigilance; compulsions; anxiety; substance abuse; recurring instances of abuse at the hands of others; stress-related medical illnesses; and a propensity to remain in a primary relationship with an active user or abuser. They can become unassertive and submissive (though exploding into rage on occasion); they can become over-sensitive to others' difficulties; and they are very adept at “putting up a front.”
Note, also, that the assumption of personality never happens in a "one persona" fashion. Once “The Husband” is assumed, “The Parent,” “The Provider,” “The Protector,” “The Homeowner,” “The Finance Man” or any number of other roles are also assumed. That feature of role-assumption guarantees that the Multiple Personality Disorder will always manifest among the non-Realized, along with the detachment from reality that role-playing guarantees.
So, to revisit your question, “What do you think is wrong with helping?” you should see that the pointers here do not discourage any happenings from happening: husbanding can happen, teaching can happen, helping can happen, etc. Among the Realized, those happenings can also not happen, and neither misery nor suffering nor emotional intoxication accompany those occasions. The point is, those happenings can happen without accepting a false identity as a true identity.
From a site visitor: I have tested as a type four personality with a strong helper component. I bought your book LIBERATION to understand myself even better, but instead you attacked me and those like me who choose to try to help people and make the world a better place. What is your problem with people helping people? What do you think is wrong with helping?
F.: Since you are defending the role of “The Helper” which you have disintegrated into, it is appropriate to discuss the dependency and co-dependency that always result from assuming roles. Of course, all persona-assumption generates co-dependency: “The Husband” cannot exist without “The Wife”; “The Helper” cannot exist without “The Needy” or “The Infirmed”; “The Giver” cannot exist without “The Taker.” Research by Anne Wilson Schaef and Dr. Edward L. Zuckerman reveal some of the other roles that persons assume and that generate co-dependency and dependency:
“The Rescuer” (who often covers up for and enables); “The Caretaker” (who minimizes relative existence consequences and who supports dependency in others); “The Joiner” (who enables dependent types to rationalize and perpetuate their dependency); “The Hero” (who plays the part of protecting family or individual images and who “sacrifices”); “The Adjuster” (who avoids identifying and addressing problems and hides the truth); “The Family Man” or “The Family Woman” (who values loyalty over truth, who can encourage avoidance of feelings, who supports distortion and denial, and who encourages the superficial).
The researchers also offer some of the typical characteristics of co-dependents (which make a relative-existence case for Full Realization which can end both dependency and co-dependency):
Co-dependents lack boundaries, believe they cannot survive without a particular person, are plagued by fears (especially a fear of abandonment), and have the distorted view that relative existence relationships can be “perfect.” They often become egotistical, thinking they are indispensable, and they often adopt an additional persona called “The Martyr.” Though they seemingly reach outward to “help,” they really become self-centered, personalizing all events, assuming responsibility for the behavior of other persons, and working to attain love (which they sense they have never received to the degree desired).
They eventually attempt to control everything and everyone and believe that with more effort they can “fix” individuals or families. Though often emotionally-intoxicated, they become unaware of feelings and become dishonest as they try to manage images and distort truth.
They can "try to change" in order to please others, can feel responsible for meeting other people's needs at the expense of their own, and can become driven by compulsions. Eventually they develop anxiety and are prone to become enmeshed in relationships with those exhibiting personality disorders and/or dependencies and/or impulsive conduct.
Several of the following will usually manifest in dependent and/or co-dependent types: depression; hypervigilance; compulsions; anxiety; substance abuse; recurring instances of abuse at the hands of others; stress-related medical illnesses; and a propensity to remain in a primary relationship with an active user or abuser. They can become unassertive and submissive (though exploding into rage on occasion); they can become over-sensitive to others' difficulties; and they are very adept at “putting up a front.”
Note, also, that the assumption of personality never happens in a "one persona" fashion. Once “The Husband” is assumed, “The Parent,” “The Provider,” “The Protector,” “The Homeowner,” “The Finance Man” or any number of other roles are also assumed. That feature of role-assumption guarantees that the Multiple Personality Disorder will always manifest among the non-Realized, along with the detachment from reality that role-playing guarantees.
So, to revisit your question, “What do you think is wrong with helping?” you should see that the pointers here do not discourage any happenings from happening: husbanding can happen, teaching can happen, helping can happen, etc. Among the Realized, those happenings can also not happen, and neither misery nor suffering nor emotional intoxication accompany those occasions. The point is, those happenings can happen without accepting a false identity as a true identity.
The relative existence problems that arise for persons (for the non-Realized) have nothing to do with whether helping (or anything else) happens or not. They have to do with the traits and behaviors described above that are generated by the assumption of roles and by the dependencies and the co-dependencies that always follow. Please enter the silence of contemplation.
THE FEATURED ITEM FOR THIS WEEK’S SALE IS Daily Meditation Guide II (The guides are self-contained and can be read in either order. Each provides six months of readings and considerations. 15% off the price of the set through July 1st.)
Click MEDITATION GUIDE II
WORKING ON BEING FREE OF MIND AND PERSONALITY IDENTIFICATION?Click LIBERATION
THE FEATURED ITEM FOR THIS WEEK’S SALE IS Daily Meditation Guide II (The guides are self-contained and can be read in either order. Each provides six months of readings and considerations. 15% off the price of the set through July 1st.)
WORKING ON BEING FREE OF MIND AND PERSONALITY IDENTIFICATION?
