FROM A SITE VISITOR: What did you mean about varieties of determinism?
FROM ANOTHER SITE VISITOR [Referring to the book CASTING LIGHT ON THE DARK SIDE OF RELATIONSHIPS]: My girlfriend read your book--found it biologically deterministic but is willing to consider its questions.
FROM ANOTHER SITE VISITOR: "A" kills person "B.” What's the cause? If "A" reads the point that the cause of all is all, then he does not feel guilty. Raja
FROM ANOTHER SITE VISITOR: “Where there are two, one sees another, one hears another, one welcomes another, one thinks of another, one knows another. But when the whole has become That (Atman), who is seen by whom, who is to be heard by whom, who is to be welcomed by whom, who is to be known by whom?” ginny
F.: So, for all of the lip service that some persons give (a) to having risen above what they take to be the “baser” drives and (b) to not being subject to the effects of biological determinism, parallels between animal and human behavior in relationships might provide a different view:
Males in nature fight in order to impress females
Males in nature seek sex
Females in nature trade sex
Cardinal males feed female redbirds during the courting ritual
Monkeys French kiss and share oral sex during foreplay
The brown antechinus male will abandon everything for sex, including eating, often dying in the quest for sex
The hippo male will shake his tail to impress females
Garter snakes prefer orgies
Lynx spiders attract females by wrapping them in silk
And then there are the examples that chauvinistic, "wounded" males prefer:
The female praying mantis will sometimes rip off the head of her mate
The black widow spider will, on occasion, kill her mate
[In regards to killing mates, there is a human parallel there too: it is noted in CASTING LIGHT ON THE DARK SIDE OF RELATIONSHIPS that males actually lead in violence-in-relationship acts since 59% of all females killed annually in the
So, among those persons declaring that they have transcended the effects of biological determinism, some might ask them to explain exactly how they are so different from other species that are obviously driven by such deterministic factors.
(How many females would be willing to look objectively at their own relationships? Might they see that they are less impacted by the biological determiners of the limbic area and are thus concerned with affection, communication, intimacy and other emotive factors? Fine so far, right?
But how many would be willing to admit that their male mate is primarily concerned with "The Four “S’s”: supper, silence, sex and sleep? Review the personality types discussed earlier and see which types will find it nearly impossible to admit that their relationship is really unfolding at the most basic level of biological or natural determiners.
Further, all sorts of role reversals and combinations are now unfolding. While many men are marketing themselves with the macho notion of “I’ll take care of you if you just come live with me,” more and more cases have been seen recently where women are now working to provide for a male in a user role.
The suggestion is that those who are convinced that their relationship is founded in "pure love” and has transcended all biological determinism might visit the archives and read the discussion on the differences in post-Realization “True Love” vs. “love.”)
[NOTE: The effects of personality type on relationship were mentioned earlier and will be discussed in more detail, but it can be seen that females with certain personality types are more likely to trade sex for the same things that ewes trade sex for, especially Type Twos, Type Sixes, and Types Nines—those three accounting for close to ¾ of the people on the planet.
Males with certain personality types are more likely to try to manipulate females by trading whatever they sense the females want—usually non-physical intangibles—in order to be taken care of by females, especially males who are Types Twos, Type Nines, and some Type Threes.]
Is it any wonder that, in this relative existence, so many couples are having problems in “personal relationships” and/or seeking couples counseling and/or “breaking relationships” and/or divorcing?
So often are divergent agendas at play (meaning the “intimacy agenda” vs. "The Four S’s” agenda) that the divorce rate in the U.S. always hovers around 50%—especially during times of war or economic hardship—and has soared to 62% in past years when those factors were not at play.
But another type of determiner, ego determinism, causes many to become offended at the notion that men and women often behave in the same fashion as rams and ewes. Yet that need not be the case.
Even if two separate agendas are at play in a relationship, often triggering fighting that is based in the “intimacy vs. "The Four S’s” struggle, the following of a “path” can eliminate self-absorption and can allow for a shift to a middle ground. In that case, some of the effects of biological determinism might remain, but the degree and effects of such determinism can be modified (all of this relatively speaking).
Does this mean that, because of natural, biological determinism, humans in relationships can never truly share intimacy? (Check once more with the mating habits of monkeys above. They are humanity’s closest kin, and their French kissing during foreplay is certainly an act of intimacy, though connected to certain biological factors as well. "Biology" and "intimacy" need not be mutually exclusive.)
More to the point, regarding Realization and "relationships," is this: if the female agenda more often includes intimacy and communication while the male only brings "The Four S’s" to the table (or to the bedroom), then what is required for a shift to a point of balance...to a midpoint...to a framework in which both are at play?
The absence of self...of self-absorption...of ego and egotism. From that stance, the inevitability of certain biological drives will remain, but logic and reason and choice can also be in play. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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