Today's Considerations
In "Chapter Eight," The Relative Toll of Assuming Personalities
/ Personas As Actual Identities from the book "The Child Ignorance Stage" or "The Child No-Knowing State" this is offered for
consideration:
To review: it has been noted that if you only reach the
fourth step of seven on the "path" from identification with the false
"I" to abidance as the Absolute (that is, if you only reach "The
Child Ignorance Stage" or "The Child No-Knowing State") and if
you complete only about 60% of the seven steps on the "path," that
will still be worthwhile, relatively speaking. Earlier, some of the relative
results of not reaching that step were catalogued, namely, the misery and
suffering that come to a relative existence that is controlled by ego-defense
mechanisms (which surface shortly after personalities or personas, roles,
characters, actors, ego-states, false selves, guises, facades, and fronts are
assumed).
That scenario assures that one's existence will be marked and marred with pretense, cover-up, deception, disguise, posing, impersonating, pretending, concealing, scheming, plotting and masquerading. To reach the fourth step is to be free of the assumption of all false identifications and ideas and concepts and notions and perceptions (a.k.a., "beliefs") which will otherwise result in being driven (usually subconsciously) by egotism, narcissism, self-centeredness, selfishness, self-absorption, insensitivity and pathological behavior; by rationalization, by distortion, by showing off one's intelligence (a.k.a., "learned ignorance"), and by denial;
That scenario assures that one's existence will be marked and marred with pretense, cover-up, deception, disguise, posing, impersonating, pretending, concealing, scheming, plotting and masquerading. To reach the fourth step is to be free of the assumption of all false identifications and ideas and concepts and notions and perceptions (a.k.a., "beliefs") which will otherwise result in being driven (usually subconsciously) by egotism, narcissism, self-centeredness, selfishness, self-absorption, insensitivity and pathological behavior; by rationalization, by distortion, by showing off one's intelligence (a.k.a., "learned ignorance"), and by denial;
also by a refusal to accept reality or facts, and by
exposing others to one's displaced anger and wrath; by avoiding the facing of
reality, by trying to cast onto others one's own personality defects, by regression
and childish behavior; by repression and blocking out feelings, by trying to
compensate for personality defects rather than addressing them and eliminating
them; by manipulating and being overly-assertive and overly-aggressive, by
upgrading and downgrading, by idealizing and later bashing, by being trapped in
instability, and by being addicted to chaos.
While some ego-defense mechanisms might be employed as some others might not be used by any given person, the fact is this: when one has not reached the fourth step and is still assuming ego-states as identities, the practice of upgrading and downgrading (or idealizing and later bashing) will always be in evidence and will result in chaos and instability and distorted thinking.
Consider the example introduced earlier, the case where a religious or civic leader declares that a man is "A Husband" and that a woman is "A Wife." Consider how titling and entitlement reinforce in "the mind" a false sense of new identities and the belief that ego-states (that the new false "you's") can last "forever." Several shifts follow that eventually lead both to say, "We were such good friends before we married. What happened?"
What happened is this:
1. Persons play a series of roles when beginning to develop a new "relationship," a process which Maharaj referenced in a fashion similar to this continuum: stranger to acquaintance to friend to good friend to lover to fiancé / fiancée to spouse to super spouse to disappointed spouse to enemy to mortal enemy to divorcé / divorcée to one mourning to one feeling better to one claiming he / she is "ready to marry again" to meeting a stranger to dating and to a repetition of playing again all of the same roles listed above.
2. Self-delusion sets in. Consider the self-delusion involved with “titling”: in that entire process of the continuum above, being anointed a title and then stripped of a title, it could be said to each of the members of a married or married and then divorced couple, "You did not change, but 'you' certainly did."
3. At the point when a religious or civic leader assigns new identities by declaring that a man is "A Husband" and that a woman is "A Wife," a new "mindset" accompanies the assignment of those roles, namely, a sense of ownership. From this point forward, they will introduce each other not only according to their "title" but also according to their sense of possessing another human: "This is my husband" or "this is my wife."
4. Persons assume that anything they own should think the way they want it to think, talk the way they want it to talk, and behave the way they want it to behave; thus, another role manifests at some point following a ceremony of marriage, titling, and the implanting of an unconscious sense of ownership: "The Controller" or "The Control Freak."
The role that will follow that is "The Frustrated Controller" or "The Frustrated Control Freak" because no one will ever think and talk and behave in the exact fashion that another might want.
5. Furthermore, co-dependency is established. Neither the role of "The Husband" nor the role of "The Wife" can "be" unless there is someone willing to play the co-dependent, counterpart / role.
6. All that "The Husband" needs to "exist" in his own "mind" is that person willing to play "The Wife"; all that "The Wife" needs to "exist" in her own "mind" is that person willing to play "The Husband." All flows along quite swimmingly, for a spell.
7. Yet trouble soon raises it head at some point. That point has been explained thusly:
In a relationship or marriage, there will be a point at which images that had been taken to be reality will be seen to have been false images only, based in false conclusions and beliefs. At that point when such awareness occurs, the moment is pointed to with the expression, "The honeymoon is over."
That expression points to the first moment when the phony images which (1) were being displayed when dating and which (2) were maintained during the days (or months, or years) following the wedding are seen to have been nothing more than phony images. The-honeymoon-is-over-moment happens when the formerly-hidden personality defects and the dark mental liabilities finally surface from behind the facade that had been maintained.
8. There is also a convergence at that point with another belief, namely the belief that manifests every time an ego-state is assumed. Egotism will always be triggered and the practice of upgrading and downgrading will always follow.
At some point, "The Wife" will take herself to be "A Super Wife"; "The Husband" will take himself to be "A Super Husband." Whereas "The Husband" can believe that "the husband exists" as long as there is someone willing to play "The Wife," "The Super Husband" cannot "exist" unless he "has" a "Super Wife."
Similarly, "The Wife" can believe that "the wife exists" as long as there is someone willing to play "The Husband," but "The Super Wife" needs more - she needs a "Super Husband" to "exist." Anything less than that "super" counterpart is perceived to be a threat to one's very existence (that is, to the assumed and upgraded, but false, identity . . . of one's assigned-and-then-upgraded identity). Both defensive and offensive thoughts and words and behaviors will follow. Welcome to the fight.
While some ego-defense mechanisms might be employed as some others might not be used by any given person, the fact is this: when one has not reached the fourth step and is still assuming ego-states as identities, the practice of upgrading and downgrading (or idealizing and later bashing) will always be in evidence and will result in chaos and instability and distorted thinking.
Consider the example introduced earlier, the case where a religious or civic leader declares that a man is "A Husband" and that a woman is "A Wife." Consider how titling and entitlement reinforce in "the mind" a false sense of new identities and the belief that ego-states (that the new false "you's") can last "forever." Several shifts follow that eventually lead both to say, "We were such good friends before we married. What happened?"
What happened is this:
1. Persons play a series of roles when beginning to develop a new "relationship," a process which Maharaj referenced in a fashion similar to this continuum: stranger to acquaintance to friend to good friend to lover to fiancé / fiancée to spouse to super spouse to disappointed spouse to enemy to mortal enemy to divorcé / divorcée to one mourning to one feeling better to one claiming he / she is "ready to marry again" to meeting a stranger to dating and to a repetition of playing again all of the same roles listed above.
2. Self-delusion sets in. Consider the self-delusion involved with “titling”: in that entire process of the continuum above, being anointed a title and then stripped of a title, it could be said to each of the members of a married or married and then divorced couple, "You did not change, but 'you' certainly did."
3. At the point when a religious or civic leader assigns new identities by declaring that a man is "A Husband" and that a woman is "A Wife," a new "mindset" accompanies the assignment of those roles, namely, a sense of ownership. From this point forward, they will introduce each other not only according to their "title" but also according to their sense of possessing another human: "This is my husband" or "this is my wife."
4. Persons assume that anything they own should think the way they want it to think, talk the way they want it to talk, and behave the way they want it to behave; thus, another role manifests at some point following a ceremony of marriage, titling, and the implanting of an unconscious sense of ownership: "The Controller" or "The Control Freak."
The role that will follow that is "The Frustrated Controller" or "The Frustrated Control Freak" because no one will ever think and talk and behave in the exact fashion that another might want.
5. Furthermore, co-dependency is established. Neither the role of "The Husband" nor the role of "The Wife" can "be" unless there is someone willing to play the co-dependent, counterpart / role.
6. All that "The Husband" needs to "exist" in his own "mind" is that person willing to play "The Wife"; all that "The Wife" needs to "exist" in her own "mind" is that person willing to play "The Husband." All flows along quite swimmingly, for a spell.
7. Yet trouble soon raises it head at some point. That point has been explained thusly:
In a relationship or marriage, there will be a point at which images that had been taken to be reality will be seen to have been false images only, based in false conclusions and beliefs. At that point when such awareness occurs, the moment is pointed to with the expression, "The honeymoon is over."
That expression points to the first moment when the phony images which (1) were being displayed when dating and which (2) were maintained during the days (or months, or years) following the wedding are seen to have been nothing more than phony images. The-honeymoon-is-over-moment happens when the formerly-hidden personality defects and the dark mental liabilities finally surface from behind the facade that had been maintained.
8. There is also a convergence at that point with another belief, namely the belief that manifests every time an ego-state is assumed. Egotism will always be triggered and the practice of upgrading and downgrading will always follow.
At some point, "The Wife" will take herself to be "A Super Wife"; "The Husband" will take himself to be "A Super Husband." Whereas "The Husband" can believe that "the husband exists" as long as there is someone willing to play "The Wife," "The Super Husband" cannot "exist" unless he "has" a "Super Wife."
Similarly, "The Wife" can believe that "the wife exists" as long as there is someone willing to play "The Husband," but "The Super Wife" needs more - she needs a "Super Husband" to "exist." Anything less than that "super" counterpart is perceived to be a threat to one's very existence (that is, to the assumed and upgraded, but false, identity . . . of one's assigned-and-then-upgraded identity). Both defensive and offensive thoughts and words and behaviors will follow. Welcome to the fight.
[Or not. A friend years ago warned her son that the woman he was about to marry was a full-blown sociopath and psychopath. A therapist warned him of the same. Yet at the time he was sheltered and naive and inexperienced (oh, and the sex happened to be fabulous as well). Years later, his marriage has been seen by all but him to have been debilitating financially, mentally, emotionally, etc. But the words "or not" above following "welcome
to the fight" apply in his case because of two mental conditions: (1) fear of abandonment because his father left when he was 4 years old; and (2) amazingly-high levels of narcissism and perfectionism. He cannot admit that his mother and a therapist were spot on and that he wasn't. The result: His self-perception of being the "Super Husband" and the "Super Father" requires that he have a "Super Wife" who is a "Super Mother."
Yes, that is her view, but it is also the view he has adopted, contrary to all of the evidence presented by his wife who displays her sociopathic and psychopathic tendencies on a daily basis (along with at least a half dozen other major personality disorders). Why does he go along with that distortion? He is driven to convince himself and others that he is married to a "Super Wife" and a "Super Mother" because of his own ego-states and egotism.
Putting that spin on his reality and her reality allows him to avoid saying three words which he his never spoken (namely, "I was wrong") or six words which he cannot say about anything (namely, "Boy did I make a mistake"), and that is all because of his own narcissism and his own perfectionism.
The point: at times ego-state assumption and its accompanying egotism will guarantee a fight; at other times ego-state assumption and its accompanying egotism can inspire avoiding a fight and tolerating what anyone who is sane would deem to be intolerable. The same applies to the many women who have come here and announced that they are being abused but then make excuses for their abusers in order to stay with them. Such is the insanity which comes with ego-states and with allowing a perceived "payoff" to lead persons to stay with abusers rather than taking sane and sound and self-preservation actions.]
9. Studies show that approximately 50-60% of all married men will have an extramarital affair at some point. At what point? At the point when the "mind" - using the ego-defense mechanism of egotism - upgrades one's role from "The Husband" to "The Super Husband" (who believes that he is not receiving what he desires or deserves or expects from "His Wife"). At that point, he downgrades her to "A Less Than Super Wife" and another ego-defense mechanism is triggered: justification.
Post "upgrading," he will believe that he is justified in seeking out what he desires and deserves but is not getting from his "Less Than Super Wife." Likewise, the "mind" of "The Wife" - using the ego-defense mechanism of egotism - will upgrade her role from "The Wife" to "The Super Wife" who is not receiving what she desires or deserves or expects from "Her Husband." At that point, she downgrades him to "A Less Than Super Husband" and another ego-defense mechanism is triggered: justification.
In both cases, the upgrading of "self" and the downgrading of some "other" will trigger a sense of misery. Suffering will follow. Sometimes one member of a couple will confide to friends or relatives: "I think I made a mistake. I don't even know who he / she is. He / she is making me miserable. I have to do something." Other times, as with the man above, the ego will not allow any such admission to oneself, much less others.
Studies also show that approximately 40% of all married women will have an extramarital affair at some point. At what point? At the point when one's "mind" - using the ego-defense mechanism of egotism - upgrades her role from "The Wife" to "The Super Wife" who is not receiving what she desires or deserves or expects from "Her Husband." At that point, she downgrades him to "A Less Than Super Husband" and another ego-defense mechanism is triggered with her: justification. An affair or a breakup is deemed to be justifiable.
TITLES
“Titles” - celebrated when “acquired” and mourned when “lost” - are at the heart of happiness and unhappiness . . . at the root of elation and sorrow . . . at the core of mirth and misery . . . at the root of instability and chaos . . . at the core of initially idealizing and later diminishing . . . at the core of duality. Such are the results of the illusions of upgrading and downgrading.
Moreover, that all happens when one has not reached "The Child Ignorance Stage" or "The Child No-Knowing State" but is driven instead by the assumption of ego-states, by their hidden agendas, and by the ego-defense mechanisms that they use.
And the setup for all of that to happen is the belief
that one can become something, the belief that one can become better, the
belief that one can become better than he / she once was (and can even become
"super"), and the belief that one can become better than
"another" or "others."
Please enter into the silence of contemplation.
[NOTE:
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