IN THE NOW: Freedom from Desires and Fears

From a site visitor: You’ve been talking about mistaking one thing for another. What about thinking that the things humans use to TRY to escape really end up trapping us? I used booze and drugs for years to try to escape the misery of myslef and my marriage and my job, but in the end, the booze and drugs became a bigger trap than what I was trying to escape from. I think Advaita Vedanta might finally be the answer for me. Eddie

F.: Hello, Eddie. Thx for your e-mail. First, if saying you “used for years” implies that you are no longer using, so it is; however, if you are still using, then know that the Advaita philosophy is not intended to be the first step in the treatment of the Addictive Personality Disorder. Typically, treatment requires a holistic approach, and there is no one place or one person or one group that has a monopoly on treating the complex disorder.

Next, there is some truth to your point that the driving force behind addictive behavior can involve a desire to escape, but the root of addictive behavior is as much about a desire to be fully engaged. That is, the goal is as much about being driven to “capture” the NOW and to stay in the NOW as it is to escape the illusions that are "the not NOW." In that regard, substance abuse might provide a temporary relief, but Realization guarantees it for the remainder of the manifestation.

Ultimately, all misery is rooted in either a fear or a desire, and all fears and desires are rooted in the illusory “past” or the illusory “future.” What does it look like as one attempts to escape the fears of the past or the desires of the future? Here’s one example: suppose a person had an argument with the boss on a Friday, a conflict that could cause the termination of employment (and the supposed end of “The Employee”)? Suppose the employee was told to be in the boss’s office again on Monday morning to finalize the conflict. Here’s the way in which substance abuse might allow a temporary sense of escape from the fear of unemployment and the desire to continue employment, but more significantly, how it can fix one in the NOW.

(By the way: "power" is an ego-based concept. When Realization truly happens, all talk about "gaining power" or about "the power of now" ends. There is no "one" to gain or lose anything, including "power," which is just another thing the ego either desires or is in fear of not having.)

To continue with "The Employee," suppose that on the Saturday night after the argument, that employee goes to a party and begins to drink. Early on, he might discuss the fight and his fears and desires around his employment. After a few drinks, he might begin to relax and to engage in conversation about other topics. After a few more drinks, he might begin dancing and, for a while, completely forget the fight. Soon, as a result of being totally under the influence of the alcohol, “The Employee” is not thinking about the fight on Friday nor the meeting on Monday that might end with his being fired.

At that instant, the effect of the booze has allowed the person to forget the ego-state of “The Employee” and to become fixed in the present moment…fixed in the Amness alone. He feels free and happy for “the time being,” namely, the “time” being...NOW. Free of the fearful memory of the illusory “time” called “the past” and the potentially-threatening fight that occurred then, he feels free…period. Freed of thoughts about the desires for the illusory “time” called “the future” (specifically, the desire to remain employed) he feels free…period.

What he is experiencing is the only instant in which one can be free of desires and fears and feel free, namely, NOW. Yet on the Sunday morning after the party, the effects of the fears and desires return as the person is again conscious of “The Employee” that feels threatened; hence, the earlier pointer that substance abuse only provides a temporary escape (or a temporary “capturing” of the NOW). As long as ego-states are taken to be actual identities, then fears and desires will arise, they will generate discomfort or restlessness or misery, and they will trap persons in the illusions of "past" and "future."

Consider another example to understand “the capturing” of the Now as well “the escape” aspect that you mentioned. Suppose a food addict is in a busy restaurant with friends on a Saturday night. The longer the waiter takes, the more the food addict’s desires will be experienced and will cause discomfort and irritablity and misery. The longer the addict’s unmet desires linger, the more misery will begin to manifest.

Anger can soon follow. Even after the orders have been placed, tension can mount as the preparation and serving of the food is delayed due to the volume of orders. Talking can continue, but from the frustrated addict, mostly complaining is heard as the addict’s misery is expressed. The tension can increase until that moment when the food arrives, but what a shift for the food addict happens at that moment.

You have likely seen this same scenario play out: the food is placed before the addict, and the addict suddenly becomes very quiet. Peace manifests, at least temporarily. The head of the addict is bowed worshipfully over the plate as the food is transferred quickly into the mouth. The guttural sounds that accompany the consumption are not unlike those that might occur during a sexual encounter as the addict is brought to the moment and delights in the taste of food.

The anger that was being experienced in the past is gone; that desire for food to be served in the near future has passed, once the meal arrives. The addict is brought “to the moment” and is fully present while absorbed in the task of eating. All is right with the world, so it seems. Yet again, the silence is temporary and the release is temporary for those who “eat for comfort.”

As a third example, consider the sex act that was just referenced above. All sorts of problems and miseries might have been faced throughout a day, but that night, at that moment when the act of sex culminates in a phyiscal crescendo, what is anyone thinking about? Nothing. What thoughts about things past are occurring? None. What concerns about the future exists? None. Why? Because at that instant, there are no thoughts, no identity, no troubling fears, and no unmet desires. There is only The Void of being fully present to the moment.

At that instant, the one experiencing that crescendo is fully—though only temporarily—in the moment. The person at that moment is conscious of zero concepts, zero ideas, zero thoughts, and zero beliefs. There is only the beingness, the Amness. There is nothing to discuss or ponder or debate or consider. The silence might follow. Perfect peace and contentment can happen as all identities are "lost" while in that state of Is-ness only. Perfect non-attachment to anything dealing with the relative existence might manifest. But again, that is temporary.

The fact is that, what one is seeking through abuse of substances or though the practicing of any other addictions (including to sex, to shopping, to power, to nicotine, to religion, to money, to work, to applause, to food, to spiritual disciplines, to control, to hearing oneself speak or sing, to alcohol, to fame, to memberships, to cocaine, to being seen by crowds, to love, ad infinitum), is that which only Realization can provide consistently. As shown, the abuse can bring one to the moment temporarily, but only Realization can allow one to fixate there in Full Awareness and perfect freedom and peace.

Note exactly what is most appealing in each of those three examples when full presence to the moment happens: there is an absence of fears, desires, ideas, concepts, persona-consciousness, worry, and concerns. There is a lack of consciousness of all of those things that personas are typically conscious of. The perfect peace of that moment when the “addictive high” reaches its peak is even beyond consciousness—as is the perfect peace of abidance as the Absolute. Too, during that full presence in the moment, there is that bliss that comes with the Void—with the Nothingness—as the peace of zero concepts, zero ideas, zero thoughts, and zero beliefs happens.

There is the bliss of non-attachment and the experience of being “at-one.” The difference in the “addictive high” and True Realization is that the former is temporary and unstable but that which happens post-Realization is permanently fixed. (Some have written to this site claiming that it was during a drug-induced addictive high that they Realized. That is self-deception, the ego once again engaged in making false claims, as it always does. Realization follows the repurification of the consciousness and does not manifest during any state of corrupted consciousness.)

The pointer is that, via Realization, the temporary, short-term “fix” of trying to recapture an addictive high again and again can be replaced with the permanent “fix” of abiding as The Absolute in the present moment—in the NOW—and not being diverted from it by fears and desires that are rooted in “the past” or “the future.” While not the first step in treating the Addictive Personality Disorder, Full Realization may be the last.

Then, post-Realization, the remainder of the manifestation can happen in an AS IF fashion of living rather than being trapped within a “seeking mode” such as when persons seek escape or seek to capture a feeling or seek an addictive high or seek relief or seek to be fully present to the moment. Realized, abidance just happens, and it happens without any attachment to fears, to desires, or to illusions about “the past” or “the future.” Please enter the silence of contemplation.
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SOCIOPATHS (PSYCHOPATHS), NARCISSISTS, ADDICTS AND THE NON-REALIZED, Part Ten, The Conclusion

F.: As some have noted in their e-mails, this entire series has dealt with relative “issues.” The Advaita Teachings are presented in stages, and it is in the later stages where discussions with protégés turn the focus to the True Self, to the non-beingness, to The Absolute, and to that which deals with the Noumenon. In the early stages of the teaching, the phenomenal “issues” must be discussed. Why?

If a building is about to collapse because its foundation is warped, then why discuss the cracks in the upper stories? Similarly, it must first be understood that body-mind-personality identification is the warped foundation on which all relative misery is based. If seekers are not freed of identification with personality, and freed of the phenomenal effects of the accompanying disorders, then it is useless to discuss with them any aspects regarding the later steps of a seven-step “journey” to Realization.

While those persons who exhibit the traits and behaviors of the NPD, APD, and ASPD disorders (a) can be destructive while feeling no remorse, or (b) can kill and then walk about the streets as if a hero, or (c) can create families and then abandon them without a care, or (d) can be abusive while maintaining an image of being kind or (e) can begin needless wars and then preen and strut about for the cameras, it should be noted:

Those with such disorders were programmed and conditioned and acculturated in a way that completely separated them from awareness of the True Self and the unicity that They Are. Anyone so abusive was likely subjected to abuse. Relatedly, anyone willing to tolerate the abuse of those with NPD, APD, and ASPD was also likely abused and ended up with a narcissist or sociopath or addict because it “felt familiar.” (The abused—whether abused mentally, physically, emotionally or otherwise—generally have a greater-than-usual tolerance for discomfort or pain. They are especially prone to repetition compulsions…re-creating the same miserable but familiar scenarios...over and over.) It is not only the air, the elements, and the conscious energy that can cycle. In the relative existence, abuse cycles as well.

The objective witness can study either history or current events and see that the Advaita Teachings have been, and are, an indicated part of the “treatment” for that which mars the relative existence of persons (that is, of the non-Realized). In order to review the traits and behaviors of persons with NPD, APD, and ASPD, traits and behaviors that can often be eliminated via Full Realization, the list from yesterday continues:

21. Realization eliminates the assumption of false roles which always generate dependency and co-dependency
22. Realization eliminates egomania, megalomania, and a sense of entitlement
23. Realization eliminates pomposity and strutting about as if on stage
24. Realization eliminates the relative-existence-suffering that is generated by personality and personality disorders
25. Realization eliminates the sense of separation that results when fixated in a state of religious and/or spiritual arrogance (the third of seven steps to Realization)
26. When Realization eliminates that fixation, it also eliminates judging and separating from and even killing, all of which have, historically, resulted from assumption of those two ego-states
27. Realization ends the needs for ego-states to use rationalization
28. Realization ends the needs for ego-states to use escapism
29. Realization ends the needs for ego-states to use repression
30. Realization ends the needs for ego-states to use normalization
31. Realization ends the needs for ego-states to use denial and minimizing
32. Realization ends the needs for ego-states to use avoidance
33. Realization ends the needs for ego-states to use self-delusion
34. Realization ends the needs for ego-states to use approval seeking
35. Realization ends the needs for ego-states to use idealization
36. Realization ends the needs for ego-states to use magical thinking
37. Realization ends the needs for ego-states to use dissociation
38. Realization ends the needs for ego-states to avoid intimacy
39. Realization ends the needs for ego-states to experience guilt and shame…

…and finally,

40. Realization (a) ends the need for the constant noise and babble that persons use in their efforts to drown out the clatter of their fictitious “minds” and (b) ends the desire for a captive audience that persons think they need as they speak regularly or "share" regularly [meaning, “as they create opportunites to be listened to regularly”] and (c) ends the need for going and doing and zooming in order to try to escape all of the nonsense of “issues” that are the bane of persons who take their phenomenal state to be real and who have no clue about the truth of their homogeneous existence as the Noumenon.

If persons reading this series can break through the barrier of ego and recognize “self,” then they might consider that there is a seven-step “path” to Realization and that at the end of that “journey to Reality,” all of that which is catalogued in the list of items 1-40 could be discarded. Undertaking that “journey” will only be appealing if (1) the burdensome weight of all that is being carried is recognized and if (2) replacing that weight with a lightness of being suddenly has some allure.

When personality is eliminated, then one is well on the way to the post-Realization, AS IF style of living that is free of all of the insane-like behavior and all of the nonsense of relative issues that are much ado about nothing but that are seemingly made into “something” by ego and by the personality disorders that dominate the relative existence of the non-Realized. Please enter into the silence of contemplation.
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SOCIOPATHS (PSYCHOPATHS), NARCISSISTS, ADDICTS AND THE NON-REALIZED, Part Nine

F.: The first three steps of the seven-step “journey” to Full Realization involve casting aside the illusions of body-mind-personality identification. The effects of personality are being discussed in this series, along with the disorders that flow out of personality identification. The traits and behaviors associated with the various personality disorders provide evidence of how personality generates a sense of separation, how personality generates arrogance which in turn generates more sense of separation, how personality generates behaviors that result in separation in the relative existence, and how all personality and persona-adoption generate misery.

The three personality disorders being focused on in this series generate those very traits and behaviors that the Advaita Teachings would eliminate. Several e-mails have arrived recently from persons living with narcissists. One e-mail contained a defense of the narcissist in her life, saying, “My counselor said she thought my husband was a narciisist [sic]. He can be somewhat irritating at times, but there’s no way this man could ever be sociopathic and my counselor never said anything about that either. He’s a very successful commodities trader, usually #1 every month, and a great husband and a wonderful father who works hard to care for his family. You’re wrong to link the two [disorders].”

In spite of the examples offered, many persons will deny that “their narcissist” could ever behave in a sociopathic fashion. (Many are being influenced by their own narcissism, as might be the case above. Others use rationalization or minimalization to justify a mate's behavior. Such enabling perpetuates the problem, relatively speaking.) Most want to believe that sociopaths are only those murderers or mass murderers who make the headlines, but Dr. Robert Hare—a leading researcher of the Antisocial Personality Disorder who was mentioned in earlier postings—points out that…

…too many people hold the idea that psychopaths are essentially killers or convicts. The general public hasn't been educated to see beyond the social stereotypes to understand that psychopaths can be entrepreneurs, politicians, CEOs and other successful individuals who may never see the inside of a prison and who don't commit violent crimes. However, they do often commit violations of another sort: they exploit people and leave them depleted and much the worse for the encounter. They prove to be treacherous employees, conniving businessmen, or immoral officials who use their position to victimize people and enrich themselves.

It can be seen that sociopaths and narcissists share their common traits with a third group, those displaying the traits of the Addictive Personality Disorder. Realization cannot happen for sociopaths and narcissists or addicts unless their disorders are successfully treated and unless all effects of their disorders are removed, and that is a rare happenstance. That rarity is the basis of Maharaj’s prediction that few will ever Realize, even among those who find a Realized teacher and who seek the understanding diligently. It is also the basis of the Advaitin invitation to be completely free of personality.

It will be shown that persons with the Additive Personality Disorder (APD) often display evidence of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as well as the Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD). So while some researchers suggest that only a small percentage of the population of the planet might be extremely sociopathic or extremely narcissistic, that assessment is misleading.

By the time you add in overly-stressed or overly-pious Personality Type Threes and Sixes who become narcissistic and can become sociopaths, and then add in those with NPD and those with ASPD, and finally add in those with APD, the traits and behaviors being discussed in this series dominate persons across the globe. And that is why the Advaita Teachings focus on the (relative) scourge of personality identification and the (relative) ills that are generated by personality identification and by the subsequent personality disorders.

For Realization to happen, all personality must be cast aside. Were personality to end, all personality disorders that mark the relative existence would end. But that will not happen. Far too many have been programmed and conditioned (and far too many have had the consciousness warped far too badly) for any degree of logic and reason and sane conduct to manifest across the globe. Only a few will ever Realize and be truly free of the effects of personality.

But is it becoming clear why personality identification and personality disorders block Realization? Is it becoming clear how sick the masses are when driven by personality identification and personality disorders? Is it becoming clear why personality will prevent most from ever Realizing? Is it becoming clear why the relative existence is marked with so much insane-like behavior? Is it becoming clear why Fully Realized teachers start the teaching process by guiding their protégés beyond body-mind-personality identification? Is it becoming clear why Advaitins point out (a) the traits and behaviors that result from personality disorders and emphasize the fact that (b) freedom from those traits and behaviors is attainable?

To see the traits and behaviors that are generated by personality identification and the personality disorders discussed in this series is to see the relative effects that persons could be freed of via Full Realization. By seeing the traits and behaviors that personality engenders, there might be a remote possibility that some persons might recognize in themselves these traits and behaviors and understand that the Advaita Teachings might offer a means of being free of these traits and behaviors. Here is a partial list of what Realization eliminates (which includes the traits and behaviors of addicts as well) :

1. Realization eliminates arrogance
2. Realization eliminates the absence of empathy
3. Realization eliminates the inability to understand that love in this relative existence is only love if it is unconditional, unconditioned, and free of self-centeredness
4. Realization eliminates the inability to know and feel the unicity
5. Realization eliminates envy
6. Realization eliminates desires and fears that are based in the perceived needs that are dreamed up by ego-states
7. Realization eliminates identification with body-mind-personality
8. Realization sometimes eliminates personality disorders by eliminating personality identification
9. Realization eliminates the adoption and defense of false images
10. Realization eliminates all sense of separation
11. Realization eliminates the assumption of ego-states, so it also eliminates the use of ego-defense mechanisms and egotism as well
12. Realization eliminates irritability, restlessness, and an otherwise ever-present sense of emptiness and discontentment
13. Realization eliminates attachment to conflict, destruction, judgmentalism, and self-serving concepts
14. Realization eliminates that sense of never truly being at ease
15. Realization eliminates outbursts and raging
16. Realization eliminates attachment to phoniness
17. Realization eliminates desires for power that can be used to control
18. Realization eliminates the drive to manipulate and use and/or abuse
19. Realization eliminates delusions of grandeur and
20. Realization eliminates belief in the fanciful and eliminates magical thinking. Might Realization be for “you”? Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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SOCIOPATHS (PSYCHOPATHS), NARCISSISTS, ADDICTS AND THE NON-REALIZED, Part Nine

F.: It is being seen why the members of two groups especially will likely never Realized fully, namely, (1) those under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs, and (2) those under the influence of personality. Some over the years have written to this site to claim that they had experienced a drug-induced Realization…that their “trip on drugs opened their mind.” That has nothing to do with Realization. Realization does not result in a “mind” being opened. Realization results in the elimination of the “mind” because the “mind” is nothing more than a repository of all the lies that have been accumulated and stored in memory.

As for those functioning under the influence of personality disorders, all such disorders hinder the Realization process, but the three that are being focused on are especially detrimental to completion of the entire “journey”: the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the Antisocial Personality Disorder, and the Addictive Personality Disorder (discussed in tomorrow's post).

In recent posts, it has been shown how narcissists and sociopaths share many common traits and behaviors, but that is not to say that every narcissist is a sociopath or that every sociopath is a narcissist. The disorders do have different names for diagnostic and treatment purposes. It is to say, however, that since narcissists and sociopaths often share many traits in common (all of which block the “path” to Full Realization), all of those traits must be discarded by seekers who would complete the seven-step “journey” to Realization. Nor is this to say that if you are working for a narcissist or if you are working with a narcissist or if you are living with a narcissist that you should fear for your life.

It is to say, however, that the odds are great that any narcissists that you are dealing with will (either occasionally or frequently or eventually) “become vindictive” and will “attempt to ruin your happiness” and will become “relentless and obsessive about destroying you if you remind them of their shortcomings and failures.” They can only hide their separation-generating arrogance and their often-suppressed anger and their ego-driven desires to react for just so long.

(It is also to say that, if you are a narcissist, you are charismatic and have sought special treatment and special attention most of your life. It is to say that when you enter a room, you want all eyes to focus on you and you will want to take charge while appearing to be humble. It is also to say that you can be manipulative and insincere and judgmental and phony and vindictive and self-righteous. It is to say that you are willing to ruin the happiness of people if they anger you.

It is to say that you are judgmental and arrogant and think others should consider themselves lucky to be in your presence. It is to say that you believe that your desires are the ones that are to be fulfilled, the [relative existence] hopes of your employees or your friends or your spouse or your own children be damned. It is to say that you can be relentless and obsessive about destroying people if they remind you of your shortcomings and failures. It is to say that you can slip into your attack-dog mode in a micro-second.

It is to say that you can devastate people while denying your cold-heartedness. It is also to say that you will not believe that any of this applies to you. And it is also to say that those who think they know you will be in denial about the way you really are unless or until you release your “final vindication.” How fortunate are those, relatively speaking, who understand this personality defect and who finally come to know that Realization is a means that can free you from being dominated by this disorder, whether you are the narcissist or whether you are the one trying to deal with the narcissist.)

For those dealing with narcissists, if you remind them of their shortcomings, their responses can include a diversionary attack against you, an effort to humiliate you, an attempt to lower your “self-esteem,” a decision to break a relationship or to initiate a divorce, an all-out effort to harass you, a decision to fire you, or an ability to subject you to verbal or mental or emotional abuse; however, since 50% of all murders in the U.S. occur during breakups, homicide is always a consideration when ending a relationship, especially when dealing with a narcissist.

So what does this have to do with the Advaitin seeker? Again, today, two questions will be offered for consideration: (1) Might you look at the list below and see why taking the entire "journey" to Full Realization might be indicated? (2) While labels such as “narcissist” or “sociopath” need not be applied, do you nevertheless share some of the following traits or behaviors that are displayed by those persons with the two disorders discussed today?

The traits and behaviors include: the assumption of false roles; dependency and/or co-dependency; egomania; megalomania; a sense of entitlement; pomposity; acting as if you are always on stage; using ego-defense mechanisms to preserve image and assumed ego-states; a need for constant noise to try to drown out the clatter of your fictitious “mind”; a need for a captive audience; a desire to speak and to be heard regularly; a restless need to go and do; and a desire to escape. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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SOCIOPATHS (PSYCHOPATHS), NARCISSISTS, ADDICTS AND THE NON-REALIZED, Part Seven

F.: In the postings for today and tomorrow, the series will expand its focus beyond narcissists to discuss persons who share traits and behaviors in common with narcissists, namely, those with an “Antisocial Personality Disorder” and those with the “Addictive Personality Disorder.” Today the discussion will focus on “the antisocial.”

To clarify past and present terms used to label the antisocial disorder, “Psychopathic Personality” was the diagnostic term used for three decades before the term “Sociopathic Personality” was used. Later the term “Sociopathic Personality” was changed to “Personality Disorder, Antisocial Type” and more recently changed to “the Antisocial Personality Disorder.”

As the comparisons are offered, do not be confused by the fact that narcissists appear to be “social” instead of “antisocial.” Remember, narcissists “socialize” in order to use people and social situations in order to gain reinforcement of a false image and to fulfill their need for an audience and for recognition. To that end, narcissists use work situations, social clubs, civic organizations, churches, temples, mosques, political groups, spiritual groups and many other venues for displaying their image, for having an audience, and for being heard as well as seen.

[Before continuing, let it be noted that, if one thinks that it is rare for narcissists to admit to being narcissists, it is far rarer for sociopaths to recognize that they are sociopaths. Even rarer would be for narcissists to admit that they can exhibit sociopathic traits and psychopathic behaviors. So the first thing that narcissists and sociopaths have in common is total denial regarding their disorders. The second commonality is that they couldn’t care less about their disorders and their harmful behaviors and harmful consequences, relatively speaking. But for those dealing with persons with either disorder, awareness—and sometimes caution—are both called for...as far as the relative existence is concerned. Now, to continue with the comparison.]

The DSM-IV notes that “sociopaths disregard social rules and norms, behave impulsively, and are indifferent to the rights and feelings of others.” Narcissists do the same, but they are more adept at cultivating a public persona that usually conceals their sociopathic tendencies. Some suggest that the differences in the two disorders are more “in degree and in capacity for violence,” noting that “sociopaths are the really violent ones”; however, narcissists who disintegrate into the unhealthy levels of their personality type can be just as violent as any sociopath. That can happen, for example, with enneagram Personality Type Threes when they are highly stressed or highly pious. They can become just as capable of wishing for others to die, just as capable of becoming violent, and/or just as capable of committing murder as any sociopath. More on that later in the post.

Two researchers who have published findings involving the diagnosis and treatment of the Antisocial Personality Disorder are Dr. Hervey Cleckley and Dr. Robert Hare. Their findings support the pointer above, that the line dividing narcissists and sociopaths/psychopaths can be far thinner than some had previously imagined. The traits and behaviors of sociopaths as revealed in Dr. Hare’s research parallel the traits and behaviors revealed in Dr. Cleckley’s studies. Note how many of the traits of narcissists can be found in the two researchers' discussions of sociopathy. According to both doctors…

…sociopaths lack a sense of remorse or empathy (as do narcissists). Sociopaths are shallow emotionally in the way that they respond to others but can be highly emotional themselves (that being the case with narcissists as well). Sociopaths are manipulative (as are narcissists). Sociopaths disregard the rights of others (as do narcissists, but they will not typically show it as openly as sociopaths). Both lie while believing they are telling the truth. Both are egotistical but can feign modesty. Both become bored easily and have a need for stimulation. Both can display superficial charm.

The doctors also point out that…

….sociopaths have a low frustration tolerance, though narcissists can often hide that in public and sometimes in private. Both have episodic relationships. Both live a parasitic lifestyle and are predatory, using others and exploiting people for benefit and gain. Both display a sense of entitlement. They are both cons who care nothing at all about others’ feelings, though narcissists can certainly act, for a time, as if they care. Sociopaths can play the same game, but not as consistently as narcissists. Both sociopaths and narcissists are self-centered, and both can be highly destructive or capable of murder.

Narcissists? Murderous? Yes. For those familiar with the enneagram types, the Type Three (and the Type Six that often disintegrates into a Type Three) typically correspond most to the narcissist. When Type Threes are extremely religious and/or judgmental or highly stressed, they are quite capable of wishing someone dead or taking action to see that they die. One of the more recent and more famous/infamous examples which is often cited as an illustration of the thin line dividing narcissists and sociopaths is offered in case studies of O.J. Simpson. He is an enneagram Personality Type Three narcissist whose sociopathic nature eventually surfaced.

A second example of a narcissist crossing the line into sociopathy will be discussed tomorrow by citing a case study from the book CASTING LIGHT ON THE DARK SIDE OF RELATIONSHIPS. For now, though, two questions for the Advaitin seeker will be offered for consideration today: (1) Might you look at the list below and see why taking the entire "journey" to Full Realization might be indicated? (2) While labels such as “narcissist” or “sociopath” need not be applied, do you nevertheless share some of the following traits or behaviors that are displayed by those persons with the two disorders discussed today?

Arrogance; an absence of empathy; an inability to know and feel the unicity; envy; desires and fears that are based in the needs that are dreamed up by ego-states; identification with body-mind-personality; the adoption and fostering of false images; a sense of separation; irritability; restlessness; an ever-present sense of emptiness; discontentment; judgmentalism; outbursts and raging; phoniness; a desire for power in order to try to control people, places, and things; a tendency to manipulate and use and/or abuse people; delusions of grandeur; fanciful or magical thinking; a tendency to be “on stage” and to “perform” and to be quite different in public from the way you are in private; and a tendency to believe the lies that are widely accepted in your culture but that are rooted in nothing other than myths and superstitions. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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