FROM A SITE VISITOR: Do you think that the realized should be able to tolerate any kind of environment or any kind of people? It sounds like you are saying that. I’ve been reading your writings for several months and lately, there are people I spent a lot of time with before but now I’m not spending time with them at all. I’m not realized, but even if I were, I feel certain that there are some people I just wouldn’t want to be around. Art
F.: The non-Realized are living a nightmare but dreaming that their dreams are “sweet dreams.” They are in prison but are dreaming that they are free. That is evidenced in the three case studies in this series.
All three want to accumulate. All could provide for themselves, but (a) wanting more than they could earn and (b) desiring a richer lifestyle than their talents could provide and (c) believing that they are “different from others” and therefore (d) deserving to have someone else pay all of their bills, they have accepted the imprisonment that comes along with the supposed “perks.”
These cases are not rare but are, as the psychotherapist from yesterday’s post pointed out, becoming very common. (They are actually as old as the oldest “human relationships.”) Another case in point:
A woman following this series wrote yesterday to ask what she can do to escape from a situation that is another example related to the content of these current postings. Both she and her son have sought peace for years, have sought relief from the Addictive Personality Disorder, and have tried the Advaita approach as well. Neither has moved far along the “path.”
Her unemployed son, who will be thirty in a few years, comes home drunk at night and rages against her. Other details provided allowed the following response:
“There is no need for any talk about Realization at this point. Deal with the relative aspects since the Absolute is not understood by either of you. Nobody can refuse to get a job, get drunk, have a house to come home to, and be allowed to rage without an enabler who makes it possible to avoid employment, to still get drunk, to still have a place to come home to, and to still have someone to rage against.
F.: The non-Realized are living a nightmare but dreaming that their dreams are “sweet dreams.” They are in prison but are dreaming that they are free. That is evidenced in the three case studies in this series.
All three want to accumulate. All could provide for themselves, but (a) wanting more than they could earn and (b) desiring a richer lifestyle than their talents could provide and (c) believing that they are “different from others” and therefore (d) deserving to have someone else pay all of their bills, they have accepted the imprisonment that comes along with the supposed “perks.”
These cases are not rare but are, as the psychotherapist from yesterday’s post pointed out, becoming very common. (They are actually as old as the oldest “human relationships.”) Another case in point:
A woman following this series wrote yesterday to ask what she can do to escape from a situation that is another example related to the content of these current postings. Both she and her son have sought peace for years, have sought relief from the Addictive Personality Disorder, and have tried the Advaita approach as well. Neither has moved far along the “path.”
Her unemployed son, who will be thirty in a few years, comes home drunk at night and rages against her. Other details provided allowed the following response:
“There is no need for any talk about Realization at this point. Deal with the relative aspects since the Absolute is not understood by either of you. Nobody can refuse to get a job, get drunk, have a house to come home to, and be allowed to rage without an enabler who makes it possible to avoid employment, to still get drunk, to still have a place to come home to, and to still have someone to rage against.
”Details that have been provided show that your mom enabled you and now you are passing it on to your son. You’ve mentioned your therapist. Discuss a plan to stop your enabling. You might be able to break the chain. No one quits abusing whatever they are abusing unless they hit a bottom and suffer the consequences, but an enabler always prevents the addict from finding the bottom or experiencing consequences.”
In this case, a deadline for moving out must be established. Art said, I feel certain that there are some people I just wouldn’t want to be around. In this case, it could be said by the mother, “There is a person I don’t want to be around while he is this sick and spreading his contagion. If he seeks treatment and wellness results, then I will reconsider.”
To give up the assumed ego-state of “The Enabler” and “The Rescuer” always seems painful to the non-Realized, but as with all ego-states and false identities, discarding them involves far less misery and suffering than maintaining them. Sometimes, at least a temporary movement away from certain people is indicated. It might eventually prove to be a step toward peace and sanity.
The woman playing the role of “The Enabler” is seeking relief via the Realization process, but here are a few facts about the process: (1) The readiness is all. If the readiness is not there, no chance of being in touch with reality will happen. (2) The ignorant can never Realize, and the intoxicated are ignorant. (3) A clouded “mind” cannot possibly understand any pointers that are aimed toward elimination of the “mind.” (4) Many other steps must be completed before the “Seven Steps to Realization” can be taken.
This case, along with the three already discussed, reinforces a pointer often offered here: the non-Realized walk about as if they are free, but they are not. They are imprisoned. For example, consider the parallels with Case “C” [25 October 2007]. Look at the parallels between his current imprisonment and his former imprisonment and see that he is no freer now than when he was incarcerated by the state:
In prison, he lived in a place without ownership, staying or going at the whims of whoever was in charge of him at the time. Same now. He could only have a minimal amount of money in his account. Same now. He was treated like a child by persons playing “The Parent” role in his life who told him when to go and where to go and how to go. Same now. He had to adopt many personas and walk about as if he were something that he was not in order to protect “self.” Same now.
As with all non-Realized persons, he remains incarcerated but believes he is free. He believes that this time he is “in love with” the one assuming the role of his guard and warden and mother. He thinks he is living the life of an adult, in grand style in her mansion, but he is actually still living as a child.
In fact, none of these persons are what they seem or what they take themselves to be. Furthermore, in spite of whatever their mates or partners or relatives think that they know about them…in no way are they the way they seem. And whatever they think their circumstances are, in no way are things the way they perceive them.
And for those embroiled in the relative existence, the same applies. If you have a spouse, you think you know your spouse and what that mate feels and thinks and believes. You do not. And there are thoughts and feelings and beliefs and desires and fears that you have that your spouse hasn’t a clue about. Only if You know That Which You Are can any truth about a spouse, or anyone else, be known.
Witness that type of delusion as it plays out among the case studies in this series. With Case “A,” she thinks that her occasional professions of love to her husband are real though she admits privately that she wants him to die. While she is wishing he would die, he is believing that she loves him.
This is the third husband who has paid all her bills and the third husband that she has wished dead. She is incarcerated but claims that she is “comfortable” in her prison. In the past, she had twice claimed that she was also comfortable in the other two prisons that she had moved into in order to avoid employment and to have others pay for her housing and clothing and all necessities. Rather than seeing that she is the common element in all three of those disasterous marriages, she concludes that all men are abusers and that all men are worthless except for paying bills.
Another, Case “B,” has thought that each man she dated was going to be the one to “take care of her,” but none of them proved in the end to be what they seemed during the dating process. They came; they saw; they conquered; they left. Yet she is still “in the hunt,” still seeking the “right man”…still seeking the one who will be willing to take care of her.
She is unknowingly begging to be locked away in the same kind of existence as “A,” as “C,” and as the enabling mother. All are willing to be prisoners of their dreams in order to sustain their bogus images and their false identities. All are prisoners of the desires and fears that are driving them throughout their relative circumstances.
When Advaitins speak of the imprisonment and misery and suffering that accompany the assumption and maintenance of ego-states, the talk is not metaphorical for those embroiled in their relative, phenomenal misery. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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Another, Case “B,” has thought that each man she dated was going to be the one to “take care of her,” but none of them proved in the end to be what they seemed during the dating process. They came; they saw; they conquered; they left. Yet she is still “in the hunt,” still seeking the “right man”…still seeking the one who will be willing to take care of her.
She is unknowingly begging to be locked away in the same kind of existence as “A,” as “C,” and as the enabling mother. All are willing to be prisoners of their dreams in order to sustain their bogus images and their false identities. All are prisoners of the desires and fears that are driving them throughout their relative circumstances.
When Advaitins speak of the imprisonment and misery and suffering that accompany the assumption and maintenance of ego-states, the talk is not metaphorical for those embroiled in their relative, phenomenal misery. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
RELATED TO TODAY’S TOPIC:
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