SHIFTS IN CONSCIOUSNESS, SHIFTS IN DEEDS, Part Eight

FROM A SITE VISITOR: Do you think that the realized should be able to tolerate any kind of environment or any kind of people? It sounds like you are saying that. I’ve been reading your writings for several months and lately, there are people I spent a lot of time with before but now I’m not spending time with them at all. I’m not realized, but even if I were, I feel certain that there are some people I just wouldn’t want to be around. Art

F.: The non-Realized are living a nightmare but dreaming that their dreams are “sweet dreams.” They are in prison but are dreaming that they are free. That is evidenced in the three case studies in this series.

All three want to accumulate. All could provide for themselves, but (a) wanting more than they could earn and (b) desiring a richer lifestyle than their talents could provide and (c) believing that they are “different from others” and therefore (d) deserving to have someone else pay all of their bills, they have accepted the imprisonment that comes along with the supposed “perks.”

These cases are not rare but are, as the psychotherapist from yesterday’s post pointed out, becoming very common. (They are actually as old as the oldest “human relationships.”) Another case in point:

A woman following this series wrote yesterday to ask what she can do to escape from a situation that is another example related to the content of these current postings. Both she and her son have sought peace for years, have sought relief from the Addictive Personality Disorder, and have tried the Advaita approach as well. Neither has moved far along the “path.”

Her unemployed son, who will be thirty in a few years, comes home drunk at night and rages against her. Other details provided allowed the following response:

“There is no need for any talk about Realization at this point. Deal with the relative aspects since the Absolute is not understood by either of you. Nobody can refuse to get a job, get drunk, have a house to come home to, and be allowed to rage without an enabler who makes it possible to avoid employment, to still get drunk, to still have a place to come home to, and to still have someone to rage against.

”Details that have been provided show that your mom enabled you and now you are passing it on to your son. You’ve mentioned your therapist. Discuss a plan to stop your enabling. You might be able to break the chain. No one quits abusing whatever they are abusing unless they hit a bottom and suffer the consequences, but an enabler always prevents the addict from finding the bottom or experiencing consequences.”

In this case, a deadline for moving out must be established. Art said, I feel certain that there are some people I just wouldn’t want to be around. In this case, it could be said by the mother, “There is a person I don’t want to be around while he is this sick and spreading his contagion. If he seeks treatment and wellness results, then I will reconsider.”

To give up the assumed ego-state of “The Enabler” and “The Rescuer” always seems painful to the non-Realized, but as with all ego-states and false identities, discarding them involves far less misery and suffering than maintaining them. Sometimes, at least a temporary movement away from certain people is indicated. It might eventually prove to be a step toward peace and sanity.

The woman playing the role of “The Enabler” is seeking relief via the Realization process, but here are a few facts about the process: (1) The readiness is all. If the readiness is not there, no chance of being in touch with reality will happen. (2) The ignorant can never Realize, and the intoxicated are ignorant. (3) A clouded “mind” cannot possibly understand any pointers that are aimed toward elimination of the “mind.” (4) Many other steps must be completed before the “Seven Steps to Realization” can be taken.

This case, along with the three already discussed, reinforces a pointer often offered here: the non-Realized walk about as if they are free, but they are not. They are imprisoned. For example, consider the parallels with Case “C” [25 October 2007]. Look at the parallels between his current imprisonment and his former imprisonment and see that he is no freer now than when he was incarcerated by the state:

In prison, he lived in a place without ownership, staying or going at the whims of whoever was in charge of him at the time. Same now. He could only have a minimal amount of money in his account. Same now. He was treated like a child by persons playing “The Parent” role in his life who told him when to go and where to go and how to go. Same now. He had to adopt many personas and walk about as if he were something that he was not in order to protect “self.” Same now.

As with all non-Realized persons, he remains incarcerated but believes he is free. He believes that this time he is “in love with” the one assuming the role of his guard and warden and mother. He thinks he is living the life of an adult, in grand style in her mansion, but he is actually still living as a child.

In fact, none of these persons are what they seem or what they take themselves to be. Furthermore, in spite of whatever their mates or partners or relatives think that they know about them…in no way are they the way they seem. And whatever they think their circumstances are, in no way are things the way they perceive them.

And for those embroiled in the relative existence, the same applies. If you have a spouse, you think you know your spouse and what that mate feels and thinks and believes. You do not. And there are thoughts and feelings and beliefs and desires and fears that you have that your spouse hasn’t a clue about. Only if You know That Which You Are can any truth about a spouse, or anyone else, be known.

Witness that type of delusion as it plays out among the case studies in this series. With Case “A,” she thinks that her occasional professions of love to her husband are real though she admits privately that she wants him to die. While she is wishing he would die, he is believing that she loves him.

This is the third husband who has paid all her bills and the third husband that she has wished dead. She is incarcerated but claims that she is “comfortable” in her prison. In the past, she had twice claimed that she was also comfortable in the other two prisons that she had moved into in order to avoid employment and to have others pay for her housing and clothing and all necessities. Rather than seeing that she is the common element in all three of those disasterous marriages, she concludes that all men are abusers and that all men are worthless except for paying bills.

Another, Case “B,” has thought that each man she dated was going to be the one to “take care of her,” but none of them proved in the end to be what they seemed during the dating process. They came; they saw; they conquered; they left. Yet she is still “in the hunt,” still seeking the “right man”…still seeking the one who will be willing to take care of her.

She is unknowingly begging to be locked away in the same kind of existence as “A,” as “C,” and as the enabling mother. All are willing to be prisoners of their dreams in order to sustain their bogus images and their false identities. All are prisoners of the desires and fears that are driving them throughout their relative circumstances.

When Advaitins speak of the imprisonment and misery and suffering that accompany the assumption and maintenance of ego-states, the talk is not metaphorical for those embroiled in their relative, phenomenal misery. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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SHIFTS IN CONSCIOUSNESS, SHIFTS IN DEEDS, Part Seven

FROM A SITE VISITOR: Do you think that the realized should be able to tolerate any kind of environment or any kind of people? It sounds like you are saying that. I’ve been reading your writings for several months and lately, there are people I spent a lot of time with before but now I’m not spending time with them at all. I’m not realized, but even if I were, I feel certain that there are some people I just wouldn’t want to be around. Art

F.: The Realized are not trapped, as are the non-Realized, in thoughts and words and deeds that are driven by the warped consciousness. Nor are they trying to escape from anything. One researcher reported that 99% of the people on the planet are addicted to something. Addiction is driven by the desire to escape from. The Realized have nothing to escape from and have nothing to seek for.

In that regard, Art, are you seeing that moving away from some people might be based in egotism and agendas? Are the case studies showing you that staying with certain people can be based in desires and fears and egotism and agendas? Are you also seeing that a shift toward peace and quiet and attachment-free living is unique to the ego-less and the agenda-less that abide as the Absolute?

When a marriage counselor asked two weeks ago about upcoming blog topics, these three cases were summarized. She suggested that all three are really playing one basic role that she sees frequently in her practice, namely, that of “The Lifestyle Prostitute.” (Okay, she used a more graphic term than “prostitute” to identify the role being played, but that word was substituted for hers in deference to those site visitors with delicate sensibilities.)

She describes the traits of the syndrome that accompanies that assumed identity:

“These are the people who are not prostitutes per se but who prostitute themselves out (to one person at a time) in order to have a 'better lifestyle'; the role is now being played by both males and females; they not only accept but also expect the monetary benefits of others’ labors or charities, including money from mates, spouses, parents, or society at large; they claim that they have genuine feelings for their ‘provider’ in order to disguise their real motives and in order to continue their manipulation; they live a miserable but often high-end lifestyle (relatively speaking);

“while being master manipulators, they are nevertheless abused at times, either mentally, emotionally, and/or physically; that does not happen in all cases since they are capable of fooling people so well that mates really think they are being loved by these manipulators; thus, if their financial support is coming from a ‘personal’ relationship source, they claim that they are ‘in love’ in order to minimize the fact that they are prostituting themselves (as well as to justify or rationalize the abuse or misery that they are tolerating). Sometimes they even seem to believe their own lies about 'love.'

“The particular ego-state involved in this syndrome is distinguished by motive, agenda, and entitlement, so it is intention that clearly separates these persons from, say, ‘stay-at-home moms or dads’ who are not necessarily driven by egotism, entitlement, or the motives of this ego-state. Yet when I mention that possibility, all of the people playing this role claim that is their circumstance. They never see their hidden agendas and true motives.”

The counselor’s term for that ego-state does accurately point toward the commonality of the basic belief systems of all three persons in these case studies:

All believe in their co-dependent fashion that other people should “take care of them”; all believe that others should “meet their economic and housing needs as well as any other desires”; all speak of “love” in order to hide their real agenda; all are manipulative; all really use “love” as nothing more than a tool for gain; and all are allowing their laziness or entitlement to trap them in dependency as a result of their desire for “more” and for an “elevated lifestyle.”

The therapist also reported that a large number of her clients embroiled in this ego-state are quite open about admitting, as Case “A” did, that there are times when they really want their mates to die. “So much for true, unconditional, unselfish love,” she said. “That inability to love unconditionally,” she continued, “also distinguishes those playing this role from people who have some understanding of what the word ‘love’ really involves.”

She also pointed out that all who come to her office seeking happiness or freedom are trapped in ego-states but that recently a disproportionately large number (both male and female) have assumed this role and are dodging work while seeking money from others.

What is revealed via these three case studies, as well as what the psychotherapist shared, is that false identities and their always-accompanying co-dependency are a continuing source of misery and suffering in the relative existence. What is also revealed is that persons are driven blindly by thoughts and words and deeds that evolve from the warped consciousness. The Realization process is one effective “treatment” for that condition of the consciousness.

It can also be seen that dependent, non-Realized persons run to assumed roles and attachments and co-dependencies in order to sustain their ego-states, their self-interests, and their sense of entitlement. They seek out others to meet their relative desires and to fulfill their personal agendas.

Elimination of self, of desires, of fears, of entitlement, of co-dependencies, of self-interests, and of ego-states will facilitate the shift to independence and then freedom and then happiness.

Two of the three people described in these case studies claim that they are “comfortable” in their current relationships while the third thinks that she wants what they have, namely, “someone taking care of her.”

Yet all three admitted that they have recently contemplated suicide. For some, the Realization process can eliminate that kind of denial and distortion. For some, the Realization process can remove the playing of ego-states, a practice that just happens to be at the root of all relative misery and suffering.

No one who is running away from people, or merely tolerating people, or constantly seeking out people as caretakers is “comfortable.” “Comfortable” only happens from a spontaneous mode of nisarga (natural) AS IF living, from a platform of witnessing feelings as they rise and fall, from being free of the emotional intoxication that is generated by ego-states and their desires and fears, and from being independent. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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SHIFTS IN CONSCIOUSNESS, SHIFTS IN DEEDS, Part Six

FROM A SITE VISITOR: Do you think that the realized should be able to tolerate any kind of environment or any kind of people? It sounds like you are saying that. I’ve been reading your writings for several months and lately, there are people I spent a lot of time with before but now I’m not spending time with them at all. I’m not realized, but even if I were, I feel certain that there are some people I just wouldn’t want to be around. Art

F.: The non-Realized often “stay” around persons because of desires and fears or perceived needs (such as, “I need a very high lifestyle but I am not willing to work for it and pay for it myself”) or an egotistical sense of entitlement (e.g., “I am so special that I deserve to be taken care of by someone else”).

Driven by their hidden agendas, persons generate ego-states with attachments, which are always accompanied by co-dependency. Why? “Husband” cannot exist without “Wife,” and vice versa; “Employee” cannot exist without “Employer,” and vice versa; “Taker” cannot exist without “Giver,” and vice versa; "The Rescued" cannot exist without "The Rescuer," and vice versa.

After the assumption of false identities with agendas, attachments, and co-dependencies, the non-Realized tolerate misery in order for their perceived needs and desires to be met or in order for their fears to be allayed. All the while, their level of denial allows them to convince themselves that they are happy or “comfortable” in spite of not being free. That is, of course, impossible.

The non-Realized do not gravitate toward peace, silence, and reality. Many among the non-Realized seek out those that they can use (speaking, of course, in the most basic, relative sense). Their misery is then generated when the ones they use assume a sense of “ownership” in the absence of the users’ lack of “earnership.” If you take “their” money and earn none of your own, that might seem “comfortable” for a time (as Case “A” claims) but the observable misery that manifests long-term provides evidence to the contrary.

Thus, the non-Realized do not move toward peace and quiet and agenda-less, attachment-free living. They seek out ways and means by which they can sustain their ego-states and that actually reinforce their dependencies and co-dependencies. The result is mental and emotional imprisonment, as illustrated in case study “C.”

Today’s post studies a man who has distorted his desire to gain power and his desire to have someone meet his financial and sexual needs into what he terms “love.” Because of his agendas (most of which are even hidden from him) he is “staying” even though he has been placed in the role of “The Child” and is claiming that he is “in love with” the woman playing “The Parent.”

Case “C”: Regarding the desire to gain power and to have someone meet financial and sexual needs and then labeling that “love”
Case “C” is a man who has generated a more-than-typical share of relative existence problems and consequences: heavy substance abuse; incarceration; parole; an inability to find decent housing; charming a recently-divorced woman who received a large settlement; moving into a house she owns; and now living the lie of appearing to be a “grand success” in her upscale neighborhood.

At home, he has been told to “cover up his past” among the neighbors and he deals with daily reminders that it is she who owns the house he lives in. Recently, a long-time acquaintance gave him a job, overpaying him $1000 per week out of “friendship.” He was informed by his female benefactor that all of his checks must be direct deposited into her account and that he will receive a weekly allowance (“$50 a week should cover whatever you need. In turn, you get to live in a beautiful home, with me”).

Before, he had felt economically powerless, unable to buy anything on credit and unable to find decent housing. Now, he is able to ride the coattail of her financial “power” as long as they stay together. His sexual “needs” and lifestyle desires are being met, but at the cost of his harmony (and his entire paycheck).

Claiming he is “more than comfortable” and is actually “joyous” and “in love,” he is nevertheless prone to fits and outbursts and raging as a result of the tension of having to hide his past, as a result of playing phony roles in the neighborhood, and as a result of assuming “The Child” ego-state to her “Parent” role. With his current income, he could now live well on his own, but he could not live in a mansion in an upscale neighborhood.

The phoniness of playing “The Successful Businessman” who also appears to be “The Wealthy Homeowner” (while living like “The Child” indoors) is taking a relative toll as he lives a lie while putting on hold earlier efforts to answer, “Who am I, really”?

He slipped for just a moment and admitted that sometimes he “had felt freer a year ago when he was living alone in a tiny apartment in a low-rent area of town,” but he immediately reverted to reciting his lines from the script of the roles being played in “The Drama of the Lie”: “But I’ve found the woman of my dreams, I love her and her children, we’re in a great neighborhood and a beautiful home, so it’s all good.” Meanwhile, she has twice postponed their scheduled marriage.

He has not yet realized that dreams can easily become nightmares when phony role-playing blinds persons to the fact that whatever provides pleasure will someday provide pain. He has not realized how loosely persons toss about the word “love” in order to justify and even “sanctify” their self-centered actions that have nothing to do with love. Such are the circumstances of those persons who are attached to the illusions of the phenomenal and who haven’t the slightest clue about the reality of the Noumenon.

Is it any wonder that Maharaj said,
“The world is nothing but the picture of your own ‘I’ consciousness”
and
“All is dishonesty”
and
“There is no truth in this fraud”
and
“Only that false ‘I’ is attached. Everything is just happening, and the false ‘I’ is taking the credit for doing things.” Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)

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SHIFTS IN CONSCIOUSNESS, SHIFTS IN DEEDS, Part Five

FROM A SITE VISITOR: Do you think that the realized should be able to tolerate any kind of environment or any kind of people? It sounds like you are saying that. I’ve been reading your writings for several months and lately, there are people I spent a lot of time with before but now I’m not spending time with them at all. I’m not realized, but even if I were, I feel certain that there are some people I just wouldn’t want to be around. Art

F.: Is it becoming clear that the non-Realized are never consistently happy (even if they “stay”) and are never consistently happy (even if they “go”)? Is it becoming clear that many “go” because of ego and that many “stay” because of desires and fears and hidden agendas?

Is it being seen that non-Realized persons who “go” do so as a result of having thought and judged and criticized and felt “apart from” or”separate from”? Is it clear that any movement that happens among the Realized is a spontaneous movement toward something…be that freedom, independence, peace, quiet, or silence?

Is it understood why it is often in review that it becomes clear why spontaneous and automatic shifts occurred? Is it understood why, among some of the Realized, that it is only in “looking back” that the extent of how much was cast aside or left behind becomes clear?

Why is that? First, because all happenings were happening automatically in the earliest stages of the awakening process, not as a result of any “thought-out” motives. And secondly, because in the early days of awakening, some move along as does a leaf floating atop the currents of a stream, being moved along rather than struggling to determine its own course.

There is no longer any struggle, there is no longer any effort to control, and there is no longer any effort to “change” or to “grow” or to “be more” or to “get more.” Though awakening, there is in all those early movements a dream-like quality of lightness…not unlike that experienced by a physical body awakening from a too-deep sleep.

Some seekers, in those early moments of the awakening process, laugh loudly at the hoax that was perpetuated upon them...a laugh not unlike that which comes from a wrongly-convicted man when he is released after years of being in prison but surprisingly cleared by new evidence. Though imprisoned for years when he should not have been, the happiness that accompanies the sensation of freedom far outweighs any resentment toward those who imprisoned him.

Others in the earliest stage of awakening, however, are as if in shock. It is not that the happenings in those early days happened without awareness…quite the opposite. Yet what is happening is that feelings are being registered whereas before only the emotional intoxication that is generated by ego-states was taking place.

Yet all those early-stage happenings are suddenly so very different from the functionings that took place as a result of the agendas of ego-states, functionings that happened without pure consciousness or with selfish calculation.

It is because of the nature of those early days of the awakening process, and because of the sudden disappearance of the ego’s ulterior motives and agendas, and because of the fact that all is suddenly happening spontaneously, that many must “look back” to understand exactly what was happening when the awakening process first began.

So the pointer is, if you are “moving away from” certain persons because you have judged them and think you are now “better than,” that movement is not happening spontaneously and is not involved at all with Realization. If the pure consciousness has gravitated either toward other specks of pure consciousness or toward the silence of the All-Oneness, then Realization is likely involved.

Furthermore, is it becoming clear that the concept called “relationships” is dualistic at the core (“this” is relating to “that”)? Is it becoming clear that if the One-ness is not understood, no “relationship” can be free of dualistic conflicts that are rooted in labeling self and others as good-bad, right-wrong, giver-user, loving-hating, etc.?

Tomorrow’s post will illustrate the third major pointer in this series. It will provide an example of a man who has distorted his desire to gain power and his desire to have someone meet his financial and sexual needs into what he terms “love." Because of his agendas (most of which are even hidden from him) he is “staying” even though he has been placed in the role of “The Child” and is claiming that he is “in love with” the woman playing “The Parent.”

[Consider that scenario of a grown man staying with a woman who is behaving like his parent/mother and treating him like a child and see that this “case study” exposes such complex psychological disorders—which are typical among the non-Realized—that the study could really be expanded into a dissertation for a doctorate.]

For now, though, the invitation is to consider this: in your case, are all happenings happening spontaneously…or with motive? Is your relative existence happening in an AS IF fashion…as if whatever is happening is real while differentiating quite clearly between true and false, between real and illusion?

Are you moving away from people because you have judged them and found them lacking, or did a spontaneous shift happen that automatically moved you toward the peace and quiet? Are you married to “The Meal-Ticket,” “The Rent-Payer,” and/or “The Sex-Provider,” or are you married to freedom? Are you in isolation...or in the solitude? Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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