FROM A SITE VISITOR: Do you think that the realized should be able to tolerate any kind of environment or any kind of people? It sounds like you are saying that. I’ve been reading your writings for several months and lately, there are people I spent a lot of time with before but now I’m not spending time with them at all. I’m not realized, but even if I were, I feel certain that there are some people I just wouldn’t want to be around. Art
F.: The Realized are not trapped, as are the non-Realized, in thoughts and words and deeds that are driven by the warped consciousness. Nor are they trying to escape from anything. One researcher reported that 99% of the people on the planet are addicted to something. Addiction is driven by the desire to escape from. The Realized have nothing to escape from and have nothing to seek for.
In that regard, Art, are you seeing that moving away from some people might be based in egotism and agendas? Are the case studies showing you that staying with certain people can be based in desires and fears and egotism and agendas? Are you also seeing that a shift toward peace and quiet and attachment-free living is unique to the ego-less and the agenda-less that abide as the Absolute?
When a marriage counselor asked two weeks ago about upcoming blog topics, these three cases were summarized. She suggested that all three are really playing one basic role that she sees frequently in her practice, namely, that of “The Lifestyle Prostitute.” (Okay, she used a more graphic term than “prostitute” to identify the role being played, but that word was substituted for hers in deference to those site visitors with delicate sensibilities.)
She describes the traits of the syndrome that accompanies that assumed identity:
“These are the people who are not prostitutes per se but who prostitute themselves out (to one person at a time) in order to have a 'better lifestyle'; the role is now being played by both males and females; they not only accept but also expect the monetary benefits of others’ labors or charities, including money from mates, spouses, parents, or society at large; they claim that they have genuine feelings for their ‘provider’ in order to disguise their real motives and in order to continue their manipulation; they live a miserable but often high-end lifestyle (relatively speaking);
“while being master manipulators, they are nevertheless abused at times, either mentally, emotionally, and/or physically; that does not happen in all cases since they are capable of fooling people so well that mates really think they are being loved by these manipulators; thus, if their financial support is coming from a ‘personal’ relationship source, they claim that they are ‘in love’ in order to minimize the fact that they are prostituting themselves (as well as to justify or rationalize the abuse or misery that they are tolerating). Sometimes they even seem to believe their own lies about 'love.'
“The particular ego-state involved in this syndrome is distinguished by motive, agenda, and entitlement, so it is intention that clearly separates these persons from, say, ‘stay-at-home moms or dads’ who are not necessarily driven by egotism, entitlement, or the motives of this ego-state. Yet when I mention that possibility, all of the people playing this role claim that is their circumstance. They never see their hidden agendas and true motives.”
The counselor’s term for that ego-state does accurately point toward the commonality of the basic belief systems of all three persons in these case studies:
All believe in their co-dependent fashion that other people should “take care of them”; all believe that others should “meet their economic and housing needs as well as any other desires”; all speak of “love” in order to hide their real agenda; all are manipulative; all really use “love” as nothing more than a tool for gain; and all are allowing their laziness or entitlement to trap them in dependency as a result of their desire for “more” and for an “elevated lifestyle.”
The therapist also reported that a large number of her clients embroiled in this ego-state are quite open about admitting, as Case “A” did, that there are times when they really want their mates to die. “So much for true, unconditional, unselfish love,” she said. “That inability to love unconditionally,” she continued, “also distinguishes those playing this role from people who have some understanding of what the word ‘love’ really involves.”
She also pointed out that all who come to her office seeking happiness or freedom are trapped in ego-states but that recently a disproportionately large number (both male and female) have assumed this role and are dodging work while seeking money from others.
What is revealed via these three case studies, as well as what the psychotherapist shared, is that false identities and their always-accompanying co-dependency are a continuing source of misery and suffering in the relative existence. What is also revealed is that persons are driven blindly by thoughts and words and deeds that evolve from the warped consciousness. The Realization process is one effective “treatment” for that condition of the consciousness.
It can also be seen that dependent, non-Realized persons run to assumed roles and attachments and co-dependencies in order to sustain their ego-states, their self-interests, and their sense of entitlement. They seek out others to meet their relative desires and to fulfill their personal agendas.
Elimination of self, of desires, of fears, of entitlement, of co-dependencies, of self-interests, and of ego-states will facilitate the shift to independence and then freedom and then happiness.
Two of the three people described in these case studies claim that they are “comfortable” in their current relationships while the third thinks that she wants what they have, namely, “someone taking care of her.”
Yet all three admitted that they have recently contemplated suicide. For some, the Realization process can eliminate that kind of denial and distortion. For some, the Realization process can remove the playing of ego-states, a practice that just happens to be at the root of all relative misery and suffering.
No one who is running away from people, or merely tolerating people, or constantly seeking out people as caretakers is “comfortable.” “Comfortable” only happens from a spontaneous mode of nisarga (natural) AS IF living, from a platform of witnessing feelings as they rise and fall, from being free of the emotional intoxication that is generated by ego-states and their desires and fears, and from being independent. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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