SOCIOPATHS (PSYCHOPATHS), NARCISSISTS, ADDICTS AND THE NON-REALIZED, Part Eight

[NOTICE: out-of-town from June 5th-June 7th to share the non-duality teachings with a group. This series will continue June 8th. In the meantime, please click on a month to the right and visit the archives in order to find postings that you have not yet read.]

F.: The Realized Advaitin who can guide others through the steps to Realization begins the process by moving protégés beyond body-mind-personality identification. It is the adoption of personas and the formation of personality (as a result of trying to adapt to a dysfunctional environment during childhood) that is the root of all of the personality disorders being discussed in this series. For sanity and reason to rule, personality must go. Hence this series of exposés on personality disorders, dealing especially with those that generate the very traits and behaviors that must be eliminated if Full Realization is to happen.

Yesterday, one example was offered that illustrates the fine line that narcissists can cross into sociopathy. A second example of the narcissist-sociopath connection involves a female narcissist whose case study is offered in the book CASTING LIGHT ON THE DARK SIDE OF RELATIONSHIPS. Since 1989, sessions have been conducted with thousands who were seeking peace and who came with a willingness to discuss the effects of personality and to find a path that could eliminate personas and thereby bring peace and harmony to their relative existence. The report in CASTING LIGHT focuses on one who claimed to be willing but whose ego blocked any possibility of realizing the presence of personality defects and personality disorders.

The woman in that case study described herself as “a highly devout, life-long Christian.” She is also a narcissistic Personality Type Three, employed in a highly-visible position in a church (fulfilling the need that narcissists have for an audience and for regular reinforcement of their image). She admitted that she had “prayed every day for a year that God would kill her husband.” When asked how being “a highly devout, life-long Christian” was compatible with soliciting her God to be the hitman in her murder plot, she said that she was “really a good person at heart” and "loved everyone, except for her husband" and that she “had asked God to let the husband die when alone in his car and in a one-car accident, maybe by striking a bridge or a tree, so no one else would be hurt.”

Did the husband know how she felt? Yes. She had shared with him that she had been praying every day for a year that he would die. She also admitted that she had been "ripping men to shreds" all of her life. Yet her self-image is of someone who "loves everyone" (except for one person) and who is otherwise "good at heart."

How well do her narcissistic skills allow her to cover such ruthlessness in private while maintaining an image of being so loving and kind at work? She reported that “the church members see her as ‘a saint’.” Narcissists are that adept at fostering a counterfeit appearance, at maintaining a false image, and at fooling the masses. Moreover, they actually believe in their image, and she was convinced that she is "really a good person at heart" and is "caring about people in general" (as evidenced by the fact that she did not want anyone else to be harmed in a wished-for and prayed-for fatal accident).

That example and the one offered yesterday both show that sociopathic tendencies can be very close to the surface among narcissists and that the lines separating narcissistic and sociopathic behavior can, at times, be crossed very easily. Both examples show how narcissists can behave as violently as murderous sociopaths. Remember the pointer offered early on in this series: the narcissist is not the harmless rope that, at first glance, was mistaken to be a deadly snake. The narcissist is the deadly snake that, at first glance, was taken to be a harmless rope.

In that regard, this is the description offered by The Enneagram Institute of Personality Type Threes (who are often narcissists) when they reach the lower levels of psychic health: They “become vindictive, attempting to ruin others' happiness. Relentless, obsessive about destroying whatever reminds them of their own shortcomings and failures. Psychopathic, [capable of] murder. Generally corresponds to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.” Note once again the linkage, this time offered by the researchers at The Instutute: “psychopathic” & “capable of murder” & “Narcissistic Personality Disorder.”

However, if narcissists were to read all of the postings in this series, they would not likely be able to relate to any of the content at all. And if you think that you are “in love” with a narcissist, you might not be able to see the traits in him/her, either. People can live with a narcissist for decades and never believe that such traits and behaviors reported herein could apply to "their beloved" (saying, "Well everybody has some faults that must be overlooked"). And they can remain in denial right up to the point that they actually experience the truth first hand. That is how smooth and charming and charismatic the narcissistic can be.

Again, the Advaitin pointer is that the adoption of personas and the formation of personality is at the root of all of the personality disorders being discussed in this series. For sanity and reason to rule, personality must go. For many, the seven-step “path” to Realization could eliminate personality and the defects and disorders that mar the relative existence for so many persons; however, few will ever undertake the "journey" and fewer still will ever follow the "path" to the end and be completely free. So it is. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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SOCIOPATHS (PSYCHOPATHS), NARCISSISTS, ADDICTS AND THE NON-REALIZED, Part Seven

F.: In the postings for today and tomorrow, the series will expand its focus beyond narcissists to discuss persons who share traits and behaviors in common with narcissists, namely, those with an “Antisocial Personality Disorder” and those with the “Addictive Personality Disorder.” Today the discussion will focus on “the antisocial.”

To clarify past and present terms used to label the antisocial disorder, “Psychopathic Personality” was the diagnostic term used for three decades before the term “Sociopathic Personality” was used. Later the term “Sociopathic Personality” was changed to “Personality Disorder, Antisocial Type” and more recently changed to “the Antisocial Personality Disorder.”

As the comparisons are offered, do not be confused by the fact that narcissists appear to be “social” instead of “antisocial.” Remember, narcissists “socialize” in order to use people and social situations in order to gain reinforcement of a false image and to fulfill their need for an audience and for recognition. To that end, narcissists use work situations, social clubs, civic organizations, churches, temples, mosques, political groups, spiritual groups and many other venues for displaying their image, for having an audience, and for being heard as well as seen.

[Before continuing, let it be noted that, if one thinks that it is rare for narcissists to admit to being narcissists, it is far rarer for sociopaths to recognize that they are sociopaths. Even rarer would be for narcissists to admit that they can exhibit sociopathic traits and psychopathic behaviors. So the first thing that narcissists and sociopaths have in common is total denial regarding their disorders. The second commonality is that they couldn’t care less about their disorders and their harmful behaviors and harmful consequences, relatively speaking. But for those dealing with persons with either disorder, awareness—and sometimes caution—are both called for...as far as the relative existence is concerned. Now, to continue with the comparison.]

The DSM-IV notes that “sociopaths disregard social rules and norms, behave impulsively, and are indifferent to the rights and feelings of others.” Narcissists do the same, but they are more adept at cultivating a public persona that usually conceals their sociopathic tendencies. Some suggest that the differences in the two disorders are more “in degree and in capacity for violence,” noting that “sociopaths are the really violent ones”; however, narcissists who disintegrate into the unhealthy levels of their personality type can be just as violent as any sociopath. That can happen, for example, with enneagram Personality Type Threes when they are highly stressed or highly pious. They can become just as capable of wishing for others to die, just as capable of becoming violent, and/or just as capable of committing murder as any sociopath. More on that later in the post.

Two researchers who have published findings involving the diagnosis and treatment of the Antisocial Personality Disorder are Dr. Hervey Cleckley and Dr. Robert Hare. Their findings support the pointer above, that the line dividing narcissists and sociopaths/psychopaths can be far thinner than some had previously imagined. The traits and behaviors of sociopaths as revealed in Dr. Hare’s research parallel the traits and behaviors revealed in Dr. Cleckley’s studies. Note how many of the traits of narcissists can be found in the two researchers' discussions of sociopathy. According to both doctors…

…sociopaths lack a sense of remorse or empathy (as do narcissists). Sociopaths are shallow emotionally in the way that they respond to others but can be highly emotional themselves (that being the case with narcissists as well). Sociopaths are manipulative (as are narcissists). Sociopaths disregard the rights of others (as do narcissists, but they will not typically show it as openly as sociopaths). Both lie while believing they are telling the truth. Both are egotistical but can feign modesty. Both become bored easily and have a need for stimulation. Both can display superficial charm.

The doctors also point out that…

….sociopaths have a low frustration tolerance, though narcissists can often hide that in public and sometimes in private. Both have episodic relationships. Both live a parasitic lifestyle and are predatory, using others and exploiting people for benefit and gain. Both display a sense of entitlement. They are both cons who care nothing at all about others’ feelings, though narcissists can certainly act, for a time, as if they care. Sociopaths can play the same game, but not as consistently as narcissists. Both sociopaths and narcissists are self-centered, and both can be highly destructive or capable of murder.

Narcissists? Murderous? Yes. For those familiar with the enneagram types, the Type Three (and the Type Six that often disintegrates into a Type Three) typically correspond most to the narcissist. When Type Threes are extremely religious and/or judgmental or highly stressed, they are quite capable of wishing someone dead or taking action to see that they die. One of the more recent and more famous/infamous examples which is often cited as an illustration of the thin line dividing narcissists and sociopaths is offered in case studies of O.J. Simpson. He is an enneagram Personality Type Three narcissist whose sociopathic nature eventually surfaced.

A second example of a narcissist crossing the line into sociopathy will be discussed tomorrow by citing a case study from the book CASTING LIGHT ON THE DARK SIDE OF RELATIONSHIPS. For now, though, two questions for the Advaitin seeker will be offered for consideration today: (1) Might you look at the list below and see why taking the entire "journey" to Full Realization might be indicated? (2) While labels such as “narcissist” or “sociopath” need not be applied, do you nevertheless share some of the following traits or behaviors that are displayed by those persons with the two disorders discussed today?

Arrogance; an absence of empathy; an inability to know and feel the unicity; envy; desires and fears that are based in the needs that are dreamed up by ego-states; identification with body-mind-personality; the adoption and fostering of false images; a sense of separation; irritability; restlessness; an ever-present sense of emptiness; discontentment; judgmentalism; outbursts and raging; phoniness; a desire for power in order to try to control people, places, and things; a tendency to manipulate and use and/or abuse people; delusions of grandeur; fanciful or magical thinking; a tendency to be “on stage” and to “perform” and to be quite different in public from the way you are in private; and a tendency to believe the lies that are widely accepted in your culture but that are rooted in nothing other than myths and superstitions. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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NARCISSISTS AND THE NON-REALIZED AND THE WORDS OF SRI NISARGADATTA MAHARAJ, Part Six

F.: Narcissists can "play" a crowd perfectly. So well can they “read” people that they will know exactly which words must be said in order to charm or to control or to overpower. They know almost instinctively whether a kind approach or a brutal approach is called for with any given person in any given circumstance in order for the narcissist to control outcome and to get what he/she desires and to avoid what she/he fears. And if you don’t meet the every desire of a narcissist, he/she will find someone else who does.

While the masses usually reinforce the false image of the narcissist, every pointer that has ever been offered by a Fully Realized Advaitin teacher has had but one aim: to destroy the myths and lies and self-images and ego-states that are the stock and trade of narcissists (who happen to typify the overall character of the non-Realized).

For those familiar with the Freudian model, the non-Realized, like narcissists, are so motivated by the Ego and Id that the Superego is basically deactivated. Again, the Advaita Teachings apply: all persons are driven by fear and/or desire. There is nothing that a narcissist (or the non-Realized) fears so much as being seen as a phony or a failure; there is nothing that a narcissist (or the non-Realized) desires so much as having a grand sense of self-worth and as experiencing self-satisfaction.

For those familiar with the enneagram model, “The Narcissistic Personality Disorder” is most in alignment with highly stressed or highly pious Personality Type Threes or with Type Fours who have a strong Type Three “wing.”

The point can now be made that, while all non-Realized persons are not narcissists, all narcissists are non-Realized; furthermore, of all persons suffering various personality identifications and disorders, the narcissist is among those who are the least likely to ever Realize.

Duality is never more fixed than in the case of the non-Realized or in the case of narcissists. The duality of the false selves that separates them from awareness of the True Self is the epitome of entrapment among the “dual-minded.” With the understanding of “The Narcissistic Personality Disorder” as revealed in recent postings, and with the way that narcissism has been shown to dominate the thinking and behaviors of the non-Realized, you are invited to reconsider certain Advaitin pointers that might now be even more relevant:

Offered earlier on the site was this pointer:

Ego is believing that there’s a vast multiplicity arranged in a hierarchy and that you’re the pinnacle; humility is knowing that you’re nothing, no-thing; love is knowing that You, with a capital ‘Y,’ Are everything.

Narcissists believe that they are the pinnacle, so neither humility nor love can manifest among them. Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj offered these pointers that are relevant to the discussion of narcissism and the non-Realized:

"Out of my existence as the Noumenon has come this state of the phenomenal. The homogenous understands the play of the attributes, the projection of the mind, but the play, the projection of the mind, cannot understand the homogeneous." That is, the narcissists and the non-Realized haven’t a clue that they are involved in the phony play…in The Drama of the Lie; they haven’t a clue that they are projecting; they haven’t a clue about the homogeneous Oneness so they are driven by the duality of “self” vs. “them.”

"If you are not, can others be there?" The narcissists (or the non-Realized) do not see that they are not, that is, that their false image is not real. As for “others,” the narcissists (or the non-Realized) merely use “others” in order to attain the feedback and reinforcement that are required to sustain their bogus image. They appear to be highly social but, in fact, they are highly antisocial. (See tomorrow's post for more evidence.)

“From the Absolute no-knowing state, spontaneously, this consciousness ‘I am’ has appeared—there is no reason, no cause.” Narcissists (or the non-Realized) believe that they are the cause…that they are to be in control of all that happens.

So, the impact that narcissists have on the relative existence of so many persons on the planet has been established. Also shown is the fact that narcissists share almost all of the traits of the non-Realized, and that the non-Realized function like narcissists. Tomorrow the discussion will be broadened to reveal that narcissists also share common traits with persons who display the Antisocial Personality Disorder (also known formerly as “psychopaths” and referred to now as “sociopaths”) as well as with persons who display the Addictive Personality Disorder. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
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NARCISSISTS AND THE NON-REALIZED, Part Five

F.: Is it also becoming clear how much narcissists share in common with the non-Realized and why narcissism—if not successfully treated—will prevent Realization? Narcissists will never take a self-inventory that would reveal their entrapment in a personality disorder. They will likely never see that “personality defects” co-exist with “personality assets.” Why? Because they believe they only have assets.

Some have labeled the narcissist an "egomania with a subconscious inferiority complex that requires constant reinforcement of his/her false self-image." So don’t be fooled by their acts of “faked humility” which they’ll use to further convince you of how pleasant and kind they really are. Further, since they can’t get to their relative truth, certainly they can never reach that understanding which is beyond the relative. Expect their personality faults to be projected onto you, but don’t ever expect them to recognize those faults as their own.

In “personal” or “working” relationships with a narcissist, you will never get that apology which you deserve, you will never get the affirmation that you might seek, and you will never get the appreciation or reward that you might deserve because the narcissist can never get enough to be satisfied or to be generous (unless it reinforces image). Narcissists always believe that they deserve more, that they are entitled to more, and that you should be willing to give more (though they give less and less). In “personal relationships,” narcissists assume that you are lucky to be in their presence. If you are on their payroll, you should never ask for a raise but should only ask if there is more work that you can do without additional remuneration.

Consider again why so many eventually find themselves “walking on eggshells” around the narcissist: if they are challenged by a partner or employee or spouse, their reactions will be so overwhelmingly out of proportion and so full of implied threats that any future challenge will be squelched. Their disproportional reactions will effectively quiet all objecting or protesting and will assure that all is done their way.

In that manner, the narcissist maintains control and makes use of the conditioning techniques that can force persons farther and farther into identification with their false selves that are driven by fear and desire. The result is that NPD spreads itself like a cancer. As the desire to create and sustain images drives the narcissist, it also conditions those who are in dependent or co-dependent “relationships” with narcissists to also abandon Self or any effort to find Self.

As with the mythological Narcissus, narcissists believe that the entire world should be a reflection of them. Everything must revolve around their effort to manufacture and maintain their image. Peace in the presence of narcissists will only happen if your words suggest that you accept their image as real and if your every action supports their false image as well.

Narcissists condition people, either with their charm or with their brutality, in order to force persons to behave as the narcissists want them to behave. That is why the family and/or the workplace generally become reflections of the personality of the narcissist: persons about them often internalize the personality of the narcissists in order to try to “keep the peace” or “maintain their roles.” When narcissists use their charismatic powers of influence, nations can take on the false character of a narcissist and echo his/her thoughts:

“We are the greatest”; “We are the good guys”; “We are moral but they are evil”; “We must attack them and destroy them because they attacked us or, even better, before they attack us”; and, historically, “We have the right to take land, to take possessions, to pillage, to plunder, to invade, to conquer, to kill en masse, to bomb, to shock, to intimidate, to awe, to overwhelm, to rule, and to impose our will on them since our will is founded in what is right and what is good.” And that same attitude will be taken into their “personal relationships” as well.

The caricature that narcissists are would be humorous, what with all of their pomposity, all of their strutting about as if on stage, and all of their egotistical nonsense that comes with their having cast themselves as the lead in their phony play. It would be humorous, if it weren’t for the fact that narcissists work themselves into roles of power and influence and control over persons and families and businesses and nations and eventually exert an unbelievably negative impact, relatively speaking, on so many lives.

In the completely fictional play that is “their life,” they may seem to be “people-pleasers” or “peace-lovers” for four out of five acts, but they are only playing to the audience to attain the mass affirmation that they desire. Constant reinforcement is sought as they often fish for the compliments and for the reinforcement that their ego-states and their massive egos need in order to be supported. If “others” see them as “genuine,” then they can continue to believe the same for another day.

So why do people continue to deal with narcissists? Because even after all of the above, narcissists will reverse course, will return to their charming ways, will manipulate you in a way that will trick you into believing “that’s not really him/her,” will make you believe that their rudeness or rage was an aberration, and will inspire you to accept once again the view that they really are the kind and gentle and loving persona that they can display so convincing most of the time.

So effective is their ability to charm and to manipulate that you’ll once again accept their image as the real, just as they do. Study the case of any vulnerable wife who has been physically abused by a narcissistic sociopath but who goes back time and again for more and you’ll understand (1) the power of her desire to sustain her own ego-states but far more (2) the effectiveness of the smooth and convincing act that a narcissistic sociopath can put on in The Drama of the Lie. Please enter the silence of contemplation. (To be continued)
NOTE: In response to inquires about "what times of the year do books go on sale," the following will be offered: beginning on Monday June 4th, one book per week will be offered at a 15% discount. Not all books will be on sale because some move off the shelf too fast to keep a reserve stock for reduced-price sales. When offered, the sale price will last from Monday through Sunday on the featured book. The first book available at the special rate from June 4-10 will be THE ESSENCE OF THE TEACHINGS. For this first sale, any order for that book which is placed between June 1st – June 10th will be processed at the 15% off price.

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